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DLP75-Continuing thoughts

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#1 Oct 27 - 10AM
DLP75
DLP75's picture

DLP75-Continuing thoughts

After almost 9 weeks since the abrupt break up, I guess what has tormented me is that I have gone over and over and over looking back at the relationship and asking myself "Was I a good man to her"?, "Did I try to do my best at helping her to be happy"? The answer has always come back that although I wasn't perfect, I was faithful during our 9 years, and just tried to have a happy, "normal" relationship with her in everyday living. When I look back at her,in retrospect I see a person that always seemed to have an underlying anger or bitterness,or was somehow agitated inside. It wasn't flagrant but subtle. I guess a lot of things also start making sense after we go through the shock and disbelief period after being dumped so suddenly when things seemed right.I am coming more and more to the conclusion I really didn't do anything wrong, and there was no way on God's green earth that me, or even the guy she's with now, or maybe even the next one will ever make her happy.

Oct 28 - 8AM
DLP75
DLP75's picture

And another thing

After reading as much as I can on narcissism, I found that just like in the animal kingdom, these people a lot of times prey on the weak, and therefore if we the victims are weak in any way, we become very co-dependent on them. Which makes a lot of sense because I lost who I was, and when anything was mentioned, or even if I bought something I would ask myself if I thought it was going to be allright with her, or second guess what Jeckl or Hyde comment I was going to get. PITIFUL! So, another thing that has been helping me is to realize although I was this strong, dependent individual before I met her and in no way would EVER consider myself co-dependent, I became co-dependent of her. In doing so, she transformed all HER ways, HER way of thinking, and HER likes and dislikes. I looked back at what was going on in my life at the time I met her, and I had lost my grandmother and my dad a few months earlier, and had lost my job and was divorced after 21 years, all in the same year. I was VERY vulnerable and she picked up on that I'm sure very quick. Now, when I start thinking of her and what she's doing and who she's with, I think about that co-dependent umbilical chord and just think of either the word dependent, or co-dependent and it helps the thought of her go away. I think, "God made me as well as you, so who are you to have had such power over me"?! Just wanted to share. God Bless!
Oct 27 - 11AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Ding,ding,ding!!!! You did

Ding,ding,ding!!!! You did nothing wrong.. You are a victim .. All you did my friend, was fall in love.. :( Hunter
Oct 27 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
DLP75
DLP75's picture

Thanks!

Thanks Hunter, I appreciate it. I don't know why it takes others to convince us. I have accumulated a HUGE amount of data/facts that tell me this, it just doesn't seem to sink in as many have said in these blogs, that there MUST have been SOMETHING I could have done different. Thanks again!