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Divorce

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#1 May 16 - 2PM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Divorce

Told H I still wanted divorce. He sent me a final email stating that if we moved forward we can't dredge up the past, we need to give each other a pass, and we couldn't keep stirring the pot. Called my therapist and read her the emails. She stopped me half way through and told me she didn't need to hear anymore. It is still all about hima nd his needs. She asked me to notice how many "I's" were in his texts. She stated there was a big difference between somone saying empathetic words, and someone truly behaving in empathetic ways. She told me that she felt he was pathological, still in his own Narcissitic world, but whatever I choose....she would be there for me. But....I should run!

Told him I want divorce, and am very scarred about the reaction. Forwarded everything to lawyer. Told her I want contact only through her. H is suppose to visit in two weeks. Asked if there was a legal way to postpobe visit until things have cooled off a bit.

Feeling very fragile, scared, you name it, I am probably feeling it. If it wasn't for my family, friends, therapists, kids and this site, I would have so easily accepted him back on his terms.

May 16 - 8PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Mallory

I know you are scared and full of all kinds of emotions. The divorce process is very difficult, but hang in there. Know that we are here for you and will help you through this. Do not back down. This man is completely insane and you need to disconnect from him as much as possible. Stay strong!
May 16 - 2PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

full of sh*t

yes PUSH to postpone his visit or have someone like a grandparent or friend there when he comes - NOT YOU. You need NO CONTACT with this man. None. Psycho-Boy sent me an apology a few years ago. It spoke about me once and he mentioned I, me and my over 35 times in 2 short paragraphs. He wants you to "GIVE HIM A PASS"? No friggin' way. A PASS? they all want a PASS - so they can do it again & again & again. You are worth more than that and I'd love to know if the g'friend knows he's saying all this. I would bet NOT. I have told a few women I have counseled who are getting reeled back in and on the edge: Tell him if he wants back into your life 1. get rid of all girlfriends. Move to an apt. ALONE. After 6 months of him being ALONE you will DATE him again (no sex) 2. if he can maintain this for ONE YEAR you will consider sex with him again. ONE YEAR, no less. No b.s. about "his needs." If he has "needs" he can use Rosy Palm and her Five Friends. Women are not blow up dolls with pulses. Particularly the mother of his children. 3. if after 18 months of dating he is still ALONE in his apt. No other g'friends. Paying alimony and child support. Not blaming, shaming or manipulating in ANY way - you will let him move back in. 18 months. If he starts to whine, complain or attempts to re-negotiate? ALL BETS ARE OFF. Mallory - how do you think Mr. HUHA (head up his a**) would react to that proposal? No changes no "negotiations" - I think I know and would bet my next disability check on it too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
May 16 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

response to divorce.

She is superfluous. She just allows him to feel something different. I am the only one who can give him back his self esteeem. If I give him back his self esteem, then he is confident on me and the kids... It is my responsibility to give him back his self esteem.
May 16 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

I'm sorry, no one can give

I'm sorry, no one can give ANYONE their self esteem! It is not your responsibility to fix someone's self esteem when THEY have left you and taken off with another woman?!! This is complete insanity.
May 16 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

mallory

Are you being sarcastic here? Seriously if you are not being sarcastic then you are not thinking rationally. That is impossible: for you to give him back his self-esteem. Ok, perhaps I'm taking this too literally. If you are SERIOUS about your reply please let us know, otherwise, he has totally brainwashed you again. CM
May 17 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

No, this is what he said

He said I was the only one to give him back his self-esteem. Once I restored his self-esteem, he could focus on me and the kids and our family. I am not making up that this is what he said to me. You are right...NO ONE can give someone else back their self-esteem. That has to come from yourself. And after all that he has done to me and the family, how dare he ask me to give him back his self-esteem. My self-esteem was shattered! I worked so hard to rebuild it, on my own. He needs to do that...without GF or ME!
May 17 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

boo friggin' hoo

I was the only one to give him back his self-esteem ROFLMAO - I wish this moron's mothership would come back for him, for your sake. This creature is nothing but selfish, egomanical, sex-addicted self esteem. He's got loads of it and he foists it on everyone else. He's doing this: http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-victims.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
May 17 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Barbara...

Loved this part of article.. "When we simply accept these things and even protect abusers from the consequences of their actions, we are not only giving them permission to continue, but to escalate to even greater levels of abusive power and control." I believe this to be so true. They need to live the consequences of their actions. NH wants me to give him back his self esteem. If I come back then friends, workers, family, everyone sees me saying...it's ok what he did. I forgive him...you should forgive him. This is not my job. Maybe I would be willing if there was true growth and insight. No true growth and insight. It is just....make my life better Mallory. And what happens when his self-esteem is restored? Is he eternally loving and grateful? No, he is back to being pompous, graniose, etc. and once again I am treated like crap. As far as I am concerned, any family, friend, co-worker, etc that excused his behavior is also giving him permission to abuse.
May 16 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

o m g

t is my responsibility to give him back his self esteem. ROFLMAO!!! Whatever he's smokin' - I hope he shares because we are all gonna need it to believe this insanity! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/