DISTRACTIONS NEEDED!

Stick to No Contact - only through that will you have clarity of mind and thus ability to think rationally. As Barbara often said, he is like a drug... poison... and thus can easily influence our thinking if we are under his "hold". Resist the temptation to call him or to reply to his messages. Change number and email addresses if need be. Vent through your pen (or keyboard). Journalling or blogging your feelings will help you get things out of your system. The next step is to accept reality for what it is. You fell for an illusion, a mask. Trust me, the 20% "nice" is nothing but an act. The 80% "bad" is who he really is. Life is too short to waste around these life suckers. Next comes healing. Embark on a journey of self-discovery, forgive yourself, and let all past hurts go... This may take some time, but it is worth it. Focus on you: on rebuilding your sense of self, and undistructable self worth. Think about what it is that you want out of life, your dreams - and follow them. Learn to love yourself, be kind to yourself, accept yourself. Believe in yourself, in your own worth. That's how you move on. If I can do it, so can you. Recommended Reading: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay The Emotional Healing Strategy by Gael Lindenfield Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/16/things-do-instead-calling-him

Guys - what's the 80%/20% people are talking about in this post? Is this 20% percent of the time he is wonderful and the rest of tje time he is just cruel and cold? Those stats make sense based on my experience. But the 20% sure was wonderful! He was really really full on and loving!

I know what you mean if i have another weekend like last one i will put my head in the oven !Its so hard as we share friends but i have been back to my drumming class and they are all off to Liverpool in in a couple of weeks so im planning to get back up to scratch with the drumming this weekend and try not to think of the party going on which i cant go to because HE will be there . oh yeah i got a job today , yesss ! I was so worryed about the interview as i have been having panic attacks but the woman was so friendly we hit it off straight away . I seem to be enjoying womans company much more these days for some reason , could it be i wouldnt trust another man as far as i could kick him . And as for getting your nails done being just a treat for the ladys im not sure about that , i recon our James would benifit from a quick buff and colour lol. thank you god for this site 11 bleeding long days no contact. peru x

Type out, double spacing in between, every bad thing he did. Cut them into strips and put them in your pocket and when you think of a good time (which will fade, trust me) or you think you miss him (nothing to miss, trust me) or you think you want to contact him (NO CONTACT!!) then pull one of the strips out and read it. Transfer it to another pocket and if you have to, start the process over again. If you forgot something, jot it down and add it to strips. Do this daily. As far as him having another gf, this can be confusing at first. You think she must be a better woman than you, she must be more understanding and tolerant, blah, blah, blah. This is not the case. She is another victim ONLY and not better than you in ANY WAY. In fact, you may someday hear from her after she gets his 80%. (There has to be 20% cuz they wouldn't get anywhere with anyone with 100% bad, right?) His GOOD is a roping in tactic. That's it. It's not because he's good. His good is evil. A BIG FAT LIE. I also joined a gym and I try to stay busy. I call everyone I know and invite myself to whatever they are doing!! They don't care!! I suddenly have the time (since I dont have to cater to HIS sorry ass) to do things I neglected like walk the dog and clean the house and read and spend time with my daughters!!! I also will be starting a diet (not a weight loss) that was recommended to me by an acupunturist/life coach I had a session with. He says it will be the single most important thing I can do for myself to feel better. The acupuncture was cool, by the way. Yeah and the "dont leave me" crap is just that. Crap. OF COURSE he doesn't want you to leave him!!! DUH!!! You're a source of supply! Screw him, he wants the easy way out. It's easier to lure you back than to start with fresh prey. I'm sure you WERE the best thing that ever happened to him. GIVE YOUR BEST TO SOMEONE THAT DESERVES IT, NOT THIS FREAK-SHOW, NARCISSITIC FUCK UP.

One of the things that came my way by accident but really helped was I met a Mary Kay cosmetics lady bought the stuff, and then started selling it. I sold for 15 years and found it took up spare time, the sales meetings are very professional and all about empowerment, I met a lot of great people, and made money. I had a regular job so I did this on the weekends. You control it so it doesn't put too much stress on you, it makes good money the commission was 50%, and it keeps you on track for the positive.

I am going through this now with a business partner. He claims I keep calling him.I have never made one call to him. I have ended a business, as a painting contractor, with a talented guy who is a mind gamer. I am very experienced with this type of narcissist and when I realized our up-scale, women clients were not having us back or recommending us I saw the hand writting on the wall. Even though I have not been around narcissits for a long time I had the whole range of insomnia, fear, anxiety, and a draw towards continuing contact. He is desperate to continue being friends. No contact! It is an excercise. If you know the weekends are tough go to alanon meetings. One addiction is like another. Find a weekend walking group, take a tai-chi class, plan an activity every day until the no contact takes hold. I found laughing worked so have some funny movies laughter changes the body chemistry of moping for a monster. If you learn yoga or tai-chi you can practice when you get the urge to contact Mr. Crazy.

One thing that calmed me down, oddly enough, was immersing myself in reading about narcissism (and sociopathy). It's kind of counterintuitive. You'd think spending so much time reading about HIM would have the opposite affect, but it helped me tremendously. And it helped me think of him as bad, not good.