dilemma

I've posted my story in another topic, but I'm confronted with a dilemma. My XN has a daugher of almost seven years old. There are only a few people who knows she even exists. His parents, a few of his close friends, and my best friend. He doesn't care much about his little girl, has only seen her three times (!) in seven years. The mother of his child is someone with whom he travelled the globe with. She assumed they were together, but he always thought of her as a mere travel companion. She got pregnant, decided to keep the child, and they've seen each other rarely ever since. I only got together with my XN two years ago. Before we got together we've dated for quite a long time, and he never told me about his little girl. We met online, and on his profile the "no children" box was ticked. He told me just before we got together, but lied about several aspects. He stated that the mother of his daughter made it impossible for him to see the girl, and that he really was suffering. He even said that she refused to let him legally acknowledge his daughter. I believed him and supported him, and thought very little of that woman.

We finally got together, and I was really interested in his little girl. I really hope that someday, I will have children myself, and was willing to help him fighting for his child. I asked about her, asked to see some pictures, but he was very reluctant to give a "show and tell". When we were on holiday, I asked him if we could go shopping for a present for her. But he didn't tell much about her, and only once showed pictures of her (in the two years we were together!).

This summer, we went on a long holiday together in Thailand, were I got a diving accident. I was half deaf for four weeks, and he didn't care for me at all! English is not my mother tongue, but he let me go to an English speaking doctor alone, while being not able to hear properly! of course I was mad, and humiliated, after all, I cared for him earlier in that trip when he had a motorcycle accident! So we had a few arguments, and at the end of the trip he decided to end this relation. He said that, if I wasn't able to look after myself after an accident, I also wouldn't be able to be a good mother for his future children. Well, that hurted like HELL! And is still does! Considering that he isn't that great a father!!!

Back home, I contacted the mother of his child on Facebook. I found out that (of course) her version of the story is very different from his. She always wanted him to be a father of her child, hoped that one day, he would come to his senses and be with her and his girl. Luckely, she has now another boyfriend, it seems to me that she has a happy family right now, and she's thinking about letting her boyfriend adopting his daughter (what he considers a GOOD thing, can you imagine that, he is glad for his girl that she will have a father).

In the mean time, he dreams about having a family, and he works as a TEACHER! it doesn't make sense to me!

We broke up a month ago, and I'm starting to be happy that I'm rid of him. At some times, so to say, sometimes I really miss him. He could be sweet and caring, you know?

But I'm a little bit confused about what to do right now. Since most people don't know about his daughter, I cannot speak freely about some things that really hurt me. I know his brothers quite well, they do not know about their niece, and I know that stories like these spread quickly. I think he even risks losing his job when people should know about this. He works in a catholic school. We live in quite a small town, and you all know how much people like to talk. What would you do?

Anne