DIFFERENCES IN D&D.

When I left the N for a month, I think he already had supply, because he never really asked me to come back. He was very angry (but he was angry before I left-It was the reason I left). He did want to punish me though. I did come back that time. I found out he had a very pretty boss who gave him her home phone number (for support). I always thought that this was inappropriate. Anyway, him not wanting me back made sense. Then a few months later, he totally abandoned me. He wanted a BIG reaction from me, and when he called to say he had gone, I just said "oh" and hung up. This enraged him. Then the character assassination started. He has said that his leaving was meant as a punishment, not a solution to our problems. He wanted, and still wants to come back.

I left him twice I hated the negative impact he was having on me and after being in a marriage with an abusive man,I knew the feeling but not exactly how or what he was doing to me. The last time I went back, He was speaking to his previous supply on the phone in front of me-told me she was 'the love of his life'-after she had left him!and was trying to win her back(all while I was in his apartment)He told me that we that 'I didn't dump him'-that it was a clean break!I DID DUMP HIM! Well if you read my other posts you'll see what he did to me,I think he made me pay for leaving him-in the most foulest and degrading way anyone could.I confronted him about what he did,he then discarded me So do be careful.I think just when you think you know how nasty they can be, they can sink to a new low just because.

I am going through something like this too. When I confronted my N with his lies and deceit he took it as criticism and D&D'd me. Based on our history, I think he was waiting for me to call him and apologize for my actions (confronting him), In the past I was always the one to smooth things out, even if it was all his fault.. Sound familiar? Well this time I made the decision that I would not contact him and for the most part he has stayed away. It has now been 5+ months and I'm feeling a lot stronger. I think he knows because he has tried to contact me through a common friend and a week later sent me a card--completely ignoring the fact that we are no longer talking. The card said he needed time alone and he missed me. These guys will NEVER say good bye. They like to keep the door open so they can get supply from you in leaner times. Remember that and be alerted to it. You must be the one to say good bye and mean it. I did not respond to his card and do not know what will happen next on his end. I am finally getting it together and don't think about him all the time. I hope he stays away from me because when I receive things from him it is a setback-- I feel like I am supposed to respond in some way and it makes it that much harder. If you are going the NC route make a contract with it and stick it out. Be happy if he stays away and make yourself stop caring about him I've been thinking a lot these days about my obsession with the unworthy N and realize I don't like him at all. I think more about what he DID to me and how I allowed it to happen and want him to be miserable so there will be justice. You have initiated NC, now comes the hard part--stick with it and do not go back if he contacts you. It is often a waiting game with them. They try to out-silence you until you break down. Be strong! I'm on your side.

His behavior would vary in the very beginning. First he totally discarded me, then I guess he freaked because as much as I wanted to beg him to come back I was also so sick of the whole thing. To find him constantly trolling for his previous gf and chatting online with his gal pal it was just too much; very demoralizing. So I pretty much locked myself in the house, never answered the phone but sadly became obsessed with being online. It was tough for me to totally cut communication but I did it, this made him freak. All of a sudden the invisible man became Mr. Charming once more buying me bags of my favorite kisses, running errands you name it. It was hard not to fall back in with him but as soon as I did WHAM! He was gone again. I've kept his gal pal on my buddy list. When he was back courting me I would see her sitting idle for hours or be nonexistent online. Once he dumped me again she was back on for hours at a time. She is a good measure by what is going on with him. With his mom in the hospital he has unfortunately been calling more, Michele is also on more. I hate listening to the babble too he always has some crisis going on. It would become tiring listening to all the negativity when I had so much to take care of. It's great not feeling obligated to listen any longer. He complains about needy people since our break up he has become the neediest person I know. The other day he called to see if he could borrow grated cheese! On one hand he's cut me out of his life between his cell and blocking himself online but will tell me how much he misses me. I hate the lie. I hate that he pretends to care, but it's good because it proves how lucky I am to have him out of my life. He also feels the need to get in touch on anniversaries i.e. parent's deaths, or holidays. I hope one day he wakes up and realizes I could give a rat's a$$ whether I hear from him or not. I've learned to make myself unavailable to him because I don't want to hear anything he has to say. I can't say whether he would want me back or not. I'm pretty sure if I went back groveling he would take me back but that's not going to happen. First I'm sure he'd make me feel like crap as if it was all my fault. Personally, I think he likes keeping me around so he can take his little pot shots at me and feel like he's smarter. He says a lot of nasty things. I get the feeling by blocking himself and his phone that he thinks he's clever and it's his little private joke but I figured all that long ago. At first I would make comments when he would say he's not online any longer, that I didn't believe him. But I realized I was just feeding his ego. He's definitely a lot different than a year ago. He's more cynical and cruel. In the beginning he would become his alter sweet self but I haven't seen him in a loooooong time. So be prepared for Mr. Charming to rear his ugly head maybe alternating with Mr. Nasty. Don't fall for Mr. Charming because once you've caught onto their bag of tricks I think it's harder for them to keep the farce going. So far he hasn't done anything other than say mean things but I always keep an eye out.