did you know.....

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#1 Oct 13 - 3PM

Deidre40

did you know.....

….that when you change your cell number…if someone sends you a text, he/she doesn’t get a message saying that you’ve changed your number? Lol One of the narc’s and my old mutual friends (now on the ex friend list)…sent me an email. No, I didn’t block emails, I don’t get them too often, so didn’t bother. She said…’’dee, why are you ignoring everyone? We’ve been texting you for the past week with no reply. Just letting you know…’’he’’ has tried calling you and doesn’t understand why you don’t call back.’’

The interesting thing to note? The old me, would email him, but not anymore. Nope. I didn’t reply to her either. Don’t care. I honestly don’t care if he or they have tried reaching me. Good riddens!

And this, everyone—is what healing feels like!!! YAY!!!!!
If you’re still struggling, I’m here to tell you. It gets better…and you will get to a place where you no longer hate him/her, love him/her…nothing. You will feel nothing. And this was a test of sorts hearing from this old friend, to see my reaction. My reaction was nothing. Not good/bad…just nothing. Like it was spam mail or something hahahaha
As Hunter would say….delete delete DELETE!

#2 Oct 13 - 9PM

Deidre40

and susan and

and susan and coffeeaddict...you two made me laugh so hard...!! how funny to watch someone, and laugh hysterically. it's sad in a way. i look back at the mind numbing nonsense of my recent ex...and think...what on earth did i see in that fool? but, then i stop, and feel some pity for the guy. he is truly mentally not well. really. and truly, not a well guy. he seems to have his life together. tough...smart...very very structured and in control, but he's so lost. so insecure. so desperate for attention... really sad.

#3 Oct 13 - 9PM

Deidre40

big hugs to all you wonderful

big hugs to all you wonderful people here...thanks for your comments. they made me smile. :=) it's good to be free.

#4 Oct 13 - 8PM

drcrnp

So wonderful and such a

So wonderful and such a comfort to hear how far you've come *hug*

#5 Oct 13 - 7PM

Syren66 (not verified)

Congrats! I have an HTC

Congrats! I have an HTC Evo...and I downloaded an app called "Mr. Number" shortly after the xN showed up at a function with another woman...he knew odds were far better than even I'd be there...then followed that fuckery up with a text two days later with the "sorry, the other day was sorta weird" statement...then asked me a question in the same text (trying to force a reply from me)...I didn't reply - that is when I downloaded the app...he can no longer text or call me. If he calls, the phone picks up and disconnects him immediately....it's like I'm hanging up on him when I don't even know the moron was trying to call! LOVE IT! :D

#6 Oct 13 - 5PM

Crazy Train

Deidre40, You're an

Deidre40, You're an inspiration to me! I hope to be in your place SOON before I explode and lose what's left inside me. Congrats on your NC. I'm proud of you!! Hugs, Crazy Train

#7 Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #15)

Deidre40

Crazy Train and others

As with everyone here, I want you to know something CT. My heart goes out to you, and I've been praying. I've read your story. I've read pretty much everyone's...and I know how hard it is to go and stay NC. I was the one who did the breaking up, and it was still hard. For I sought closure. I will say this. What I think the true struggle is ...is finding a new normal. Not so much wanting an abusive asshole out of our lives, but trying to discover a new normal. For many of us. Being abused is 'normal.' I was abused as a kid. It was 'normal' for me to accept narcs coming in and out of my life, and abusing me. What drew me to breaking NC, was that YEARNING for what I THOUGHT was normal. Abuse. While my brain screamed it was not normal. My heart thought it was, if that makes sense. So, it's not so much that we break NC to take back a jerk. We break it to give ourselves relief from being out of our comfort zone. If you start to view it like that, you will stick with NC. You will then heal. You will then go through anger, and all of that, but you won't turn back to what could have been. Because you will realize that the relationship was not normal, and never will be...and WE DESERVE NORMAL. So, I offer that to you. Just think about it, for it was passed over to me from all the wonderful people here, and I'm paying it forward. I now recognize normal. I'm dating a really nice guy now. Not nice as in boring. I think we also think 'bad guys' are more exciting. Oh, yes. They are exciting. lol But, nice guys can be just as thrilling, and sexy, and all the rest, without the narcissism. But, we have to do the hard work. I would never have changed my phone number right out of the gate. It's been nearly 6 months. I finally changed it. It takes time to heal. I only dated the guy three months, but knew him for longer. So...I know it's hard. But, if you stick to NC, you will come out a winner. I promise you. {{hugs}}

#8 Oct 13 - 5PM

Crazy Train

Deidre40, You're an

Deidre40, You're an inspiration to me! I hope to be in your place SOON before I explode and lose what's left inside me. Congrats on your NC. I'm proud of you!! Hugs, Crazy Train

#9 Oct 13 - 5PM

Winter

Oh! I am so so so glad for you!

Congradulation! I can't wait to be at the same place of indifference. Over the past month I got stronger and more peaceful, but still not totally indifferent (4.5 months NC from my side) . You deserved it. Enjoy your freedom! Love Winter

#10 Oct 13 - 5PM

rosedewittbukater

Yessss D40!

Great news! Oh that is so good to hear. You know, I kind of wondered about that texting business. I did not change my number (have no idea if she changed hers or not since I have been NC for 3 months) I did do a little experiment with a relative, and blocked my relatives cell phone #. I think I then asked her to both text me and call me because I wanted to see what would happen. Just like you said she sent the text and it seemed to go out there, no notification of a failure to be delivered. And I never got this test text. I have not blocked anything. I guess part of me is still in denial, and then there is the fact that I probably don't need to because there has been no hoovering of any kind and I'm 99.9% sure she has NS.

#11 Oct 13 - 3PM

uk lady

With you all the way

My heart doesn't leap into my mouth either. Couldn't give a toss. Been there, done it and on my way out of it. Peace, glorious peace. Let them stew in the dramas of their own making - my windows, doors and anything else that will shut with a slam are closed. From one Dee to another. Dee x

#12 Oct 13 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

Deidre40

Hey dee! You know what is

Hey dee! You know what is most astonishing to me. That I can’t even FORCE myself to care. Lol It’s great! Like a few months ago, I would have been happy to know he was calling me…or texting me…it would have served me in some way. But, now? I have healed. I no longer need his validation, nor any man’s. That was what I ultimately healed from. Not just being abused by a narc. That was bad enough. But, the freedom for me came in whereby I no longer care for the validation of men. I feel good about who I am now, and that was something that took time. Hearing that he’s trying to reach me, was almost just an annoyance, more than anything. I think to myself, how did I get here. From where I was to here. Six months of hard work, prayer, and the loving people on this site got me here. God bless you dee!

#13 Oct 13 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

uk lady

Dee, you are so right

It was only ever about validation and now I am returning to ME anybody else's validation of me has no consequent (man or woman) because, basically, who are they to judge me? Or more importantly, why would I care? I feel that I have always been worth loving, just didn't probably love myself enough. Over the past 18 months, I have worked on myself, my issues and it had been real hard at times but so enlightening and like you, I am beginning to like myself for who I am now. I am so getting back to me but a me who sometimes I am surprised at being too. Hope you can relate. It feels so good to be free of the worry of what others thing about me - do you think it might just be an age thing - older and wiser kinda of way? Anyways, I am enjoying myself. Dee x

#14 Oct 13 - 3PM (Reply to #2)

spinning

Rock on,

Awesome ladies! Love to hear this outstanding news. High fives and champagne time!!! Rock on and thanks for sharing this positive, hopeful and helpful reality! Sincerely, (not) spinning. AND SO GRATEFUL FOR MAKING THE CHOICE TO STOP!

spinning

#15 Oct 13 - 3PM (Reply to #8)

uk lady

Thanks Spinning

The champagne will be flowing this weekend with my girl friends. Can feel a hangover coming on. LOL! Dee x

#16 Oct 13 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

Deidre40

woohoo!! high five back at ya

woohoo!! high five back at ya spinning!! feels so good!!

#17 Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

coffeeaddict66

Good Stuff!!

You know what else is great about feeling nothing? I got an unknown email that contained a youtube video of my exN preaching, yes preaching as a guest speaker at a small church outside our town. The best part about this is that as I watched this (laughing hysterically) I could actually see for the first time the behaviors, mannerisms and emphasis on the wrong words of someone that is truely dissordered. As he was explaining how he had made so many mistakes and was turning his life over to God and making things right, it was very interesting. He was wringing the hands, pacing, tilting the head back and forth. As I stated earlier, he emphasized the wrong words in his speech. Therefore, although the words were there they clearly were not genuine because the emotion was not expressed normally!!! (This is the fifth or sixth time he has come to God..moving to a new church each time.) I have always been able to see this in others such as Charlie Sheen etc., but while I was still so attached and in so much pain I couldn't actually see it in him. This is truely healing...I'm not sure who sent the email. It could have been him, someone trying to hurt me or help me, I don't know. I am not looking into it though, just enjoying the laugh and continuing on my way. Good luck and good healing everyone!!

#18 Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #5)

Susan32

Sit back and laugh

My punishment for snooping hasn't been heartbreak, tears, but LOL'ing and/or BOREDOM. It's a sign of healing that you saw for ex-Narc for what he truly is. Your eyes are opened. His sermon spoke to you... just not the way he intended ;) Besides, laughing is good for you. It releases good hormones, energizes the immune system. Some people practice laughter yoga. When I looked at my college's website back in '09, I saw that the ex-Psych prof gave a lecture on "War and Peace",Wittgenstein and Schopenhauer. It's clear he wrote the summary of his lecture for the press release... because it was incoherent. It didn't make sense. It was word salad, with Russian dressing. I was tempted to run it thru Google's Babel Fish, but I doubt it would've made sense. The ex-P is robotic when lecturing (so I missed nothing)... and his grammar is tortured at best. Glad you found healing! Humor is the best medicine.

#19 Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

coffeeaddict66

Court Jester

That should be their new occupation in life, because, like Charlie Sheen, they are pretty funny to see from a safe distance when we have healed and forgiven ourselves. Glad the fog has cleared for you too!! Laughter is great medicine!! To all of you out there reading these posts...it does come, you will smile and laugh again...we all promise!! Coffee

#20 Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

Susan32

Sense of humor regained

During one of the lowest points of the final D&D, one of my friends said "One day, you'll see the ex-Psych prof as a cartoon character." I was in too much pain to find any humor in my situation. I was crying myself to sleep; too drained to volunteer. I saw it as something in the future, the waaay distant future;I thought there would be interstellar travel and planetary colonies by the time I found my situation funny. The ex-P did try to kill my sense of humor. He idolized Leo Tolstoy. Leo's wife, Sofia, was described by Russian historian Cathy Porter as "rarely laughing, never told jokes." Thank God that is NOT me! His attempts to kill my humor was like Hercules' numerous failed attempts to slay the Hydra. Hercules lops off one snake head, and ten grow in its place (or 100, depending on the version) The difference is that Hercules found the solution to his problem... and the ex-P EPICALLY FAILED. I responded to the ex-P's attempts to off my humor the same way a Mendocino forest farmer defends their land.. they ain't friendly to intruders on their territory.... In his presence, I wasn't allowed to mock "War and Peace" and his absolute devotion to it. As for that... THE BEST IS YET TO COME.

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