Developing Detachment

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#1 Jan 20 - 8PM
D.
D.'s picture

Developing Detachment

This article gave me many new perspectives to think about. Thought I'd share it with you.

Here is an excerpt from the final stages of letting go that the author sets forth.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

"Letting Go"
* To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.
* To "let go" is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another.
* To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
* To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
* To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself.
* To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
* To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
* To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
* To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
* To "let go" is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality.
* To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
* To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
* To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
* To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
* To "let go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
* To "let go" is to fear less and love myself more.

Jan 20 - 8PM
Stillstanding
Stillstanding's picture

Thank you for sharing. That

Thank you for sharing. That was a great article. I'm in the acceptace stage right now. Right now my ex Narc is involved with multiple women and that doesn't hurt me at all. What hurts right now is knowing I gave him unconditional love (which is something so many people in this world would want), yet he is unable to accept it. It's so sad that he's incapable of loving. I know he's a sick individual but at times I feel sorry for him. He only feels ok when he's manipulating his many sources of supply. I know I will never be with this man again and I am emotionally unattached. I accept who he is and the PD he has. Even though he probably spends each night with a different woman I realize that he's a lonely soul that can't deal with being alone because deep down inside he's miserable and unhappy.
Jan 21 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Great article D

And so true its about putting ourselves first isnt it, for me I think the pain is more about being taken for a fool. N used to say we are both the same we dont suffer fools gladly, I hope he sees I am much better at it than him because I kicked his sorry arse to the kerb x
Jan 21 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Jackie
Jackie's picture

Feeling like a fool

The key is forgiving yourself for allowing the abuse! Take the lesson learnt, and become stronger..so that no Narc can ever penetrate your soul! Then move on with your head held high! :)