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desperately in need of advice, im ready to do something and unsure if i will regret it

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#1 Apr 1 - 7PM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

desperately in need of advice, im ready to do something and unsure if i will regret it

im tired of my hN making me look like the psycho to his evil ow, im sure they laugh at me constantly, but i know in my heart he has convinced her we have no contact and God knows what else. the whole time they were not living together after she called the cops on him, he told her he was staying at his moms, sent her pic txt of himself, ones he took each weekend, in different clothes different parts of his moms house, so he could send them all week long, no thats psycho not me........well, long story short, i have every text hes ever sent me, several which say im home mama, are you at the grocery store, pick this up, etc...hundreds from when he lived with her, telling me he truly wished i never thru him out.. ilove you youre my soul mate, etc.....and all the detail phone records to match each one........I WANT TO PACKAGE THEM ALL NICELY AND SEND THEM TO HER AT HER WORK, SO AS SHE KNOWS HE IS A SOCIOPATH, I WANT HER TO KNOW HE IS SO GOOD AT WHAT HE DOES, HE HAS EVEN FOOLED A COCKY LOVE MYSELF NARC SUCH AS HERSELF..........i dont want to be mean and call her names, i just want to say, this is the monster whom you allowed back into your apt again. my friends say she will never believe me and lies so good he will convince her they are fake. well if you have verizonwireless you know your online acct has detailed txt and phone records dates times and numbers, plus each day her phone number shows up and she has verizon so she will know i couldnt possibly have concocted that. i really want to do it, as much as i hate her, i think id actually be doing her a favor. i want her to know hes the psycho not me, and i want to out him as much as i can, he has done so much damage, why not. please tell me what all of you would do

Apr 2 - 4AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Jaycee

Yes, it is pathetic the way they take no responsibility for their actions. Completely boggles the mind of a healthy person. Takes awhile in recovery to realize that this is all projection. They see in us what they are. They are nuts and push our buttons and then turn it around to try and convince everyone else that we are the crazy ones. My X stole from me, hit me, nearly destroyed my house, and I had to drop out of school. I have hearing loss from being repeatedly yelled into my ear and my neck is screwed up from being thrown across the room ect... He told his father and his boss that I was bipolar and am completely nuts and yelled at him for NO apparent reason. Resently he got out of jail for all that he did to me and had the BALLS to tell me to my face that I put him in jail because I was a bad girlfriend. The truly pathetic thing is that he actually believes this. He wants to keep seeing me now and does not want to tell anyone this because they may judge him for wanting me back. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? He has no gratitude that I even spoke to him, just FEAR and ANGER that 1: he may not LOOK GOOD to the sicko men in his life and 2: that I PUT HIM in jail, not that his behavior put him in jail. Ladies: THEY ARE NUTS!!!!!! And the sooner we realize this and stop trying to figure out their INSANE behavior, the better off we will be. We need to reach the point where we don't give a flying fuck, what they think, what they say, and what they are doing and what it all means. It is all irrelavant. They are sick disordered self serving FUCKS who do not deserve the time of day. You are better off without him and don't do anything you will regret because they LOVE when they push our buttons to the point where we react and then we look crazy and then they can say: See everyone, I told you she was the crazy one. Look what SHE just did to ME. Don't take the bait; you are much better than this and better than him. God bless, Goldie
Apr 2 - 3AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Oh lordy lordy . If you do

Oh lordy lordy . If you do that absolutly no good will come of it . I know the ow drives you nuts and i know the narc is eating you alive but now is the time to get really smart , its time to dig deep and put on youre survivel head on . So have you got a solicitor yet ? if you want to send theses records to someone you send them to her . I understand that it is not an imediate hit of gratfication but in the long run it will be . Now, have you filed a report with the police yet ? please go do that today , he assulted you you want a record of that . If you havnt done theses thing please explane why ?.. youre post worrys me this morning that youre head is not where it should be . if you are smart now you could very easily walk away with everything , i mean the house and money suport , there is no court in america that wouldnt look favorbley on youre situation so dont blow it . Scoop xx
Apr 2 - 3AM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

great advice, but still want my day

i think you are all on the money, she will eventually believe him, regardless, if she knows the truth. but the thought of her seeing her own number consistently, where she can verify it on her own verizonwireless account, will stick in her craw. she is so insecure about him that it will eat her alive and in time she will begin to suffrocate him again, and he will run again. he will tell her im a computer genius, which he always says, and i could stake my life on it, he has told her im crazy, my kids dont love me, and they want to be with him, not me. his mom slipped and said, he told me how you lied to the kids so that they would hate him, i said no, your son lied to the kids, thats why our daughter hates him occasionally, and our son despises him openly. as for all the evidence, if forgot to mention, i also have all the evidence, including viles needles and the packaging of the illegal steroids she has been buying him every other third month, so i dont think, they realize how much power over them both i have. and regardless of the proof i have, i know she wont give him up, but it will make their lives quite miserable for a very very long time, if theyre not miserable already........and ps. i told his mom this girl called the cops on him and had him charged with three felonies, his mother wont tell him she knows, but she has consistently told him she doesnt like the girl and hopes he finds someone new....lol......mommy doesnt like my whore, oh no, his mom rules his world, shes his meal ticket, when his whore isnt giving him as much money as he wants. so sad, this girl has to buy his love, but as they say in some lives, money is power, and boy does she have the power to dangle a life of financial freedom, thats until shes in jail for international drug traffic charges, she literally has the illegal steroids sent via the mail from mexico and spain, sometimes from eastern european countries, isnt that highly illegal? i wouldnt let him take steroids, grow pot, or smoke in front of me, i dont like alcohol, just not for me, and didnt really like how much he drank, i also didnt appreciate him telling our daughter, a recovering heroin addict, how he loves to party and so does his ow, and they get high all the time and just laugh and laugh and how i never liked to party, in other words, im a looser cause im not into it. he told her, in certain terms, this is a big reason i always cheated on mom. we dont have enough in common. nice reason to cheat, but his reason is hes always looking for the next best thing. and hes a sociopath. scary, scary....so im so appreciative of all your advice, but im still sitting on the fence, i dont know how far i will go, because i know it may not break them up, but it will certainly make life unbearable for the both of them.

Jaycee

Apr 2 - 3AM (Reply to #13)
dudette
dudette's picture

you will get it eventually

But it's a long game. Play it smartly! get your head to work rather than your emotions. At the moment those do you no good at all Good luck x
Apr 2 - 2AM
indenial
indenial's picture

jaycee

I am in exactly the same position as you and have stayed stuck with it too. I have wanted to do exactly what you want to and have had some good advice from the girls here not to. I'm glad I listened cos I haven done it but just by threatening to him he has turned very violent towards me. Your story sounds so similar to mine. It makes you feel sick because the thought of why should they get away with it ? Is always there. I felt I wanted to do it so that then perhaps she would tell me the truth of what he's been doing and saying to her behind my back. My idea was that then I'd know for sure what a liar he was and be able to tell him to f**koff and tell them both they are welcome to each other. He's made my life hell ! While all the time she doesn't appear to know anything about me even though they've been separated for 2 years ! I too have seen the evidence but fallen for his lies and buried the truth in the hope that its all in my head. Mine isn't as blatant as many on here. I don't know exactly what lies he's told her to get away with his double life but I fear that if I spoke to her he would lie more and make out I'm crazy and we were nothing or whatever. I've felt like packaging all the evidence up and delivering it to her. Photos cards text messages. Everything but I fear for the repercussions and I feel ultimately it will do more damage to me and that's what's important here. Protecting me. He is already damaged and he didn't treat her right when they were married so more fool her. Let her go back to him and have a life of misery. I can see by what he's done he doesn't love her. It is so hard because we want some kind of closure and validation for what they've put us through but I think we both ned to read the advice given over and over because its the only way to protect ourselves. F**k them and their OW. Its not all about them anymore ! I say this but I stil haven't managed to end it and go no contact. I am still in so much pain and denial. Hugs xx
Apr 1 - 10PM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

jaycee

I am soo much better at talking than I am at writing so bare/bear :-) with me. I want nothing to do with the N. I hope for the day when he tries to contact me like we are still so special to each other and he'll tell me I will be the only one he has ever truly loved just so I can totally ignore the little f'r. That will make my day! But every day I struggle with the fact he is getting away with his fake self with the rest of the world and that pisses me off sooo much! What I have learned is this and it's a tough pill to swallow. There will be people in his life that will see what he's not worth but won't have the balls to say anything. They'll just say it behind his back. They have to see it for themselves to believe it. No matter what we say they won't believe it from our mouths. I mean it is hard to fathom unless you've lived thru it. Like we have. I had facts. I ignored them. I still had hope for him and for me. What goes around comes around. I believe that. I think when someone like us finally sees them for what they are and calls them on it & we are no use to them anymore is the greatest revenge, they live in fear we will expose them. To expose them gives them a way to depend themselves,to lie thru it but if we sit back & say nothing with them knowing what we do makes them live in fear never knowing if or when we'll say something. :-)
Apr 1 - 9PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jaycee

I think on this one I can claim psychic ability. You will do that, they will have a big blowout, he will be homeless, he will come back to you. He will then lie to her, she will believe him, she will take him back after a time, he will D&D you AGAIN...you will disappear from the board for a time while he's back home...you will come back in three weeks telling us you don't understand how he could do this. DETACH...WORK ON YOU...LET IT GO...there is no cure for him...
Apr 1 - 7PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

but I also think you should be more scared

jaycee I am someone who has seen physical violence and crime from the narcs I was with so what you are contemplating doing makes me nervous for your physical safety to be honest. I don't think it would get rid of him for good...I think it would infuriate him and possibly trigger violence. You are talking about a great, vast deal of information you have. Please don't do this it makes me so worried.
Apr 1 - 7PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Jaycee

Sit back at watch the show. You will get the chance for the "I told you so"! Of that Im sure. Idealk
Apr 1 - 7PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

jaycee

I just went through the same thing and threatened to do it every day. I've got tons of emails and text messages from him telling me he loves me and some disgusting texts begging for sex! I can't do it because I know she will NEVER believe it because I didn't when people warned me. His ex-wife warned me over and over and I didn't listen. I found emails he sent to the ex-wife while we were together and I was so blind he turned it around and I got over it and forgot it. I was so blind and sick and this poor girl probably is too. You will look like the crazy ex! He'll either turn it around on you or he'll convince her he didn't mean it or some crazy Narc story that she will buy. The best thing to do is let it go. I know that is hard because it's still hard for me but if you don't you are going to stay STUCK in this insane world he lives in. I've let it go because I know she has to learn the hard way. AND SHE WILL LEARN THE HARD WAY!! Focus on you Jaycee and making YOU better. Don't worry about their insanity and garbage. It will make you feel better once you let it go. I promise! Hugs!!
Apr 1 - 7PM
ABC0311
ABC0311's picture

Don't do it

If it is not something that is going to help you recover than don't do it. You cannot focus on what they may be potentially be doing, she will learn who he is in her own time. Your best way to start recovering is to remove yourself from all of the chaos.
Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

thanks abc

thanks abc, you are right, if it wouldnt help my recovery it wouldnt be worth it, but you know what, i think it would help half my problem is i never defended her when she came at me time and time again, i never said a word i protected the narc, dont know why, fear i would loose him forever, i dont know i do know i want to loose him forever and by outing him to a girl he has totally fooled, will ensure he will never come around again, as he is a high schooler in his mind, he acts like one.......thats for sure, i think it would help me feel i finally defended mysellf for the first time in over three years.....and although it would do her a favor, in the same regard she would know i wasnt so psycho living in fear of her torment, she would realize i was stacking my arsenal to have the last word. and most of all it would ensure he would never come around again.

Jaycee

Apr 1 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Not with this woman Jaycee

She seems just as sick. AND she's convinced you're crazy...you are the "scorned" 'crazy' "Jilted" ex wife...he's already brainwashed her. You'll have her ear down the road when she gets knocked on her ass but until then...nah, he will be able to convince her you hacked the phone company's computer and modified all the records. they're just that good at what they do... Jaycee, walk away...
Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

jaycee

I did the same thing Tuesday!! She emailed me asking for info and I didn't tell her anything. I felt like I was protecting HIM! In reality I was protecting myself from more of their drama! There are other ways to keep him from coming around anymore. Move on with your life, make YOURSELF healthy and happy and then you won't care if he comes back around. Happiness is the BEST revenge. It really is!!
Apr 1 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
ABC0311
ABC0311's picture

I agree!

Happiness truly is the best revenge. They will NEVER NEVER be happy and nothing makes them more miserable than seeing others loving their lives (especially without them in it!)