Desperate times

So I was the OW who discovered the truth & walked away.

But I miss him so much despite knowing I miss the act he put on & not any reality.

Today is a month since we last met up. The day he told me he wanted to be with me forever, that I was his 'one', the day he said he couldn't live without me, the day he sweet talked me into bed yet again. The day he told me he was packing his things & would be with me by the end of the week.

Then the day he says moving in. Nothing. A good friend tells me he was away with his wife. The same wife he spent 18 months dismissing, crying even about how 'scared' he was of her, the wife who knew he was leaving.

ALL LIES ... ALL BS ... ALL ABOUT HIM

And even when I confronted him he tells me I am losing the plot & I should trust him as he'd never hurt me.

What I have found out since I walked out of his life is -
He lied about his mum (who lives overseas) having cancer - how sick is that
He lied about his mum visiting him earlier this year
He lied about his wife knowing everything & accepting he was leaving
HE LIED THAT HE LOVED ME

Since I walked away he has raised allegations at work about me harrassing him, e-mailed the next day to say he loves & misses me, more of the same c**p over last couple of weeks, then text to tell me I'm a whore. I IGNORE - NC

BUT I miss him & thinks I miss what I thought we had.

Most of all I need closure. Why, why, why??? I know I won't get it & have to accept its just way he is & so much better away from the mess that HE is.