Deja_s Story

What is wrong with me?

Reconnected through fb with a childhood ex. Small talk on fb chat about my father dying and how his dad missed him ( our fathers worked side by side for over 30 years and were  close). He would like a lot of my status updates and my pics and would inbox me on how beautiful I was and hoped my husband don't get mad.  One morning I got an inbox from him saying he was deleting fb because of his job, and how he was only telling me and if I wanted to text him my updates and keep in touch.. I gave him my number and told him to keep in touch as well. 

About 1 week after he sent a friendly text asking how I was? no big deal. I didn't talk to him much maybe every week or two for a quick second. I never initiated contact with him. One day we texted about our families and he told me his ex was driving him crazy and he wanted her to leave. He said he was divorced but he let her live with him because she was financially struggling but she lived in a different room ( I know bs) but only let her stay because he didn't want to hurt his girls. I've been married since I was 16 and he knew that as his parents were at my wedding. I was really bored in my marriage and felt like i married too youngand I said that to him. 

 Anyways after the conversation about our families he called me the next morning and we talked for hours and he wanted to meet me for lunch. Text became a daily thing and he would call me too. I finally met up with him about a month later at a book store and we hugged several times big, tight, long hugs and we talked for a while. After that we talked everyday and  we flirted he would say he wanted to kiss me and eventually he would joke about sleeping together and he would say we should have never broke up in 8th grade  20 years ago and he remembered everything about me. He said he was so jealous when i got married. He would always say lets make out and I can't wait too see you but when I would say ok! when? he would say soon.. He made me feel so good.

One day My husband and I got into a fight and I told him about it and he panicked. He was saying " I feel like I ruined your life" and I made your heart stray" he said "what if your husband comes and shoots me?" I told him my fight had nothing to do with him but he was freaked out.. I tried to explain but he said "I just want what's best for you"  and i don't want to ruin your marriage blah, blah.. I was hurt and we remained friends i contacted him a few times and he replied and we eventually got back to talking/flirting  a lot but thus time he wouldn't call me as much only text. 

I met up with him at the bookstore again and we did kiss several times. He asked me if i regretted kissing him and I said no. He said he didn't feel bad at all either. After that he started to blow hot and cold but as soon as I would back off for a few days he came back flirting and saying he wanted to see me and soon. He would get moody and I never knew how he was going to be. One day he was flirting like crazy and the next day he was quiet or very cold. I would get depressed thinking about it. One morning he texted me saying he wanted me to go over his house to do it and please, please soon?! I was ok with it he would say are you ready and I said yes. Well the next day I text him asking how he was and he was real short and just said tired. I said ok I'll leave you alone. No reply. I was hurt again. 

My friend told me the next day to stop talking to him right now.. We all went to school together and she was the only one I told about him. I asked why and she told me her cousin said "she was talking to to a guy from work who was in the same grade as her and if she knew him" it was him he was telling her she was beautiful, he was divorced, and he wanted to hook up with her. The same stuff he told me and she had been texting him for a few days non stop. 

I asked him if I could ask him a question and he said yes. I told him what my friend said and if his plan was to get me to fail to wreck my life? I was upset and hurt. He told me he " I worked with her, I knew you were close to her cousin why would I wreck your life knowing that. 3 days of working with someone and I'm not supposed to talk to anybody? And btw all I told her was I liked her style, I don't like drama and now look here it is. I don't like that you said I was wrecking your life. I'm offended by that, and then you wonder why I don't do Facebook and crap. I'll just go back into my hole and won't talk to anybody anymore if that will make you feel better?"

I told him he could talk to whoever he wished i just asked that he don't play me for a fool and I was just really hurt.
 I told him " I didn't like that he turned it around on me and made it my fault."
 he said "well it obviously don't matter what I say so whatever." 
 I told him again " you don't owe me an explanation I just don't want to be played."
 he said "I'm disappointed" 
I said really?? "You're disappointed? I never cheated only with you and I would only cheat with you and you're disappointed, how do you think I feel?" 
he said " he would never hurt me intentionally and if I thought he could I don't know him at all.  And he didn't want this  to ruin what he thought was a great friendship. But he was not gonna feel guilty for something that was totally innocent. He said I've always been upfront with you and never lied to you. 

After I apologized about making the wrecking my life comment and he said i hoped we could still be friends  he said "I'm upset and in a dark place right now"  I felt bad and said I was sorry but he wouldn't reply.

4days later I asked if he was ok.... No reply.. I felt so bad. Texted a long apology again and He said "we can't take back what was said so I'm sorry for everything, you made me feel like I was the reason you had issues in your marriage and I never wanted to feel like that and now I feel like shit.  
I told him I never blamed him for my marriage at all and never would but was indeed hurt about him messing with my head. 
He said your a good person take care of yourself. And stop second guessing everything you do I hope we're still friends? :(
He completely cut me off after that. I sent him a friendly email 3 weeks later no reply..

 I felt so stupid
 I talked to my friend and she said he was still talking to her cousin. But her cousin blew him off cause he was boring. And I found out he and his ex wife are very much a couple still. 

I can't believe this I apologized over and over again for something I didn't do.. What is wrong with this guy?