DEAR Dr. Jekyl

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 15 - 8AM

The Girlfriend ...

DEAR Dr. Jekyl

Oh My DEAREST Dr. Jekyl,

The things you do just take my breath away! What a fantastic dream it has been being your Girlfriend for the last 4 years. How fortunate I am that you came into my life. You are every woman's ideal man, a real Prince...and there is no one who could possibly compare to your perfection. YOU are the definition of 'tall, dark and handsome'. WOW! Just look at YOU!

I have never met a man who could do no wrong until I met YOU! How is it that you always have every answer? Your brilliance astounds me. And how do you know how to do everything the 'right' way, so easily? WOW! You have always been so ready to help me improve on myself. YOU are a walking encyclopedia...NO you ARE Wikipedia! Really, my parents should have never insisted that I attend grammer school as a little girl,...and I could have totally skipped University...if only I had met you FIRST! Think of all that money my parents could have saved for my education. YOU are the ultimate teacher...YOU really do know everything...and I am in total awe of YOU my amazing brilliant darling stupendous BF! OMG! How smart you are! I am literally stunned speechless every time you open your mouth.

I can't agree with you enough about how 'lucky' I am to have met you. You are right to say that I don't admit that often enough. I know there are so many other women just wishing they could be ME.

There is so much I would have never known if you had not come into my life. I think about that all the time, just as I think about YOU my HERO, you are always on my mind. I SO agree with YOU...if only everyone appreciated YOU as much as you deserve. It's SO unfair how little attention you get for all the wonderful things that you do. You work harder and do things better than anyone else. You are right...it is such a travesty that people just don't appreciate you enough. But there you are anyway, poor darling...always doing your best...which is always better than anyone else...no matter what it is!

BTW Honey, I could tell by the way your face got red last night when I told you I found some condoms in your tool box in the garage, that you were concerned I might think they were yours. No Sweetheart, let me assure you that I totally believe that you have no idea how they got there, that you have never seen them before, that someone must have put them there as a joke, that you are going to be angry at whoever played that prank on you...yes, I know what an honest, decent wonderful and trustworthy man that you are...really! you don't need to tell me that all the time.

I am absolutely certain that some cockroach put those damn condoms there...he might have found them and was using them to build a nest to lay some eggs, yeah, that sounds plausible...just like you said. And if you say it...it must be true! Of course, my perfect dream man would NEVER EVER even think of cheating on me. I would never say that! How dare that thought even cross my mind! You have every right to be angry with me...for ever even wondering for a second...

...Oh, BTW...was it the same cockroach who hid that extra condom you carry with you in the secret fold in your wallet? Yeah...I just bet it was!...that dirty little cockroach. hmmm.

Oh well, my handsome Prince Charming...thanks for reminding me that you have a dentist appointment after work today, and as you explained...you have no idea when you will be finished. Don't worry, I will wait for you at home just like you told me to. If you come home and I have gone to sleep, well I will leave your dinner in the microwave for you to heat up later.

BTW, there are several messages on the voicemail for you. And someone named Samantha called you today, asking for YOU by your first name. She was quite a B*tch! I must say! She demanded to know who I was and how I know YOU? Weird! Like who does she think I am anyway?...I mean, she is calling OUR home...and I answer the phone...DUH! Does she think I am just the housekeeper? Wake up chickie-poo! REALLY! What nerve! Anyway, she told me to give you a message, but she was yelling so loud and saying so many curse words that I didn't hear all of it...and the rest I really don't want to repeat. She was very insulting, calling you names I never heard of before, telling ME that I need to 'wake up'...Hello? ME wake up? I don't even KNOW this woman!...it was terrible! Probably just a wrong number like all the other ones you get.

Anyway my wonderful Romeo, See you tonight as usual, whenever you come home.

Love,
me
xoxoxo

PS: Don't have to remind you who I am do I?...HAHA...just joking Babe.

#2 Oct 16 - 5PM

The Girlfriend ...

Thanks Girls...really needed the support

I actually wrote this 'letter to Dr. Jekyl' here on the forum as an attempt to be somewhat humorous and a bit sarcastic, just needed to vent and was angry too....you guys probably got that though, huh?...Anyway, I was feeling so utterly sick and stunned to have tangible evidence in my hands...most of you know this moment too...as most Narcopaths are NOT faithful...in fact you would probably not find any that didn't lie and cheat too...on top of everything else they do. My friends all told me.."Stop trying to catch him, stop trying get all the evidence...because you already KNOW what you suspect is true"...So, YES! I already knew his cheating was true...even though he mostly would deny it, make excuses...or twist things and rage at me for even 'asking him and trying to stir up sh*t" (as he puts it when confronted)...he has even semi -admitted to cheating, ie: "I have been a real bad boy"....yeah right BOZO! You have been more than that!...yeah, a real pice of work...my NARCOPATH! My friends told me that 'knowing' hurts enough already...but that actually finding the evidence and seeing it right in front of you will feel worse. I didn't believe them, and I really thought that if I had the evidence it would be validating and help me be able to trust myself again...that I know what I know (intuition)...because of all his manipulations and denials...and telling me it was MY fulat that I doubted him..I was beginning to have self doubts about my own ability to know the truth inside. I had always relied on my intuition...it worked very well all my life and helped me navigate the world...like an internal compas...but when you are with someone who tells you that "You don't really see what you see...or know what you really know to be true"...you really get confused...so I THOUGHT having the proof would somehow restore my intuition...make me stop allowing him to deny eerything...and keep me from then denying it all to myself...so I could continue to live with him... Well, they warned me that it would hurt even worse to have the proof...and I didn't believe that...but I can now say...it is true...finding out about his hidden condoms...I felt like I had been hit by a Mack Truck! I was so stunned...I couldn't speak to anyone for hours... Don't worry about me ladies...I AM leaving him in December...just saving enough to ship my things home...and get myself on the first flight out that I can before Christmas....thought I would give HIM a Christmas present HE won't forget...!...not that he won't be with another woman by New Years...the SNAKE! I am moving 3,000 miles away at least where he cannot find me again...and also...so I don't have to watch him be with all his OW...it is too hurtful for me. Just want to start a new life and be near my family and friends again in the USA. Thanks for all your comments and support ladies. I wish I could express how glad I am that you guys are here, and that no matter what time it is, there is always someone on the board to talk to...It is plain to see that we are all here for each other too. This website really works, it is informative, and really helps!Hope my sarcastic little "Letters to Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde"...gives you guys a smile too. xoxo

#3 Oct 17 - 10AM (Reply to #14)

Alive

Glad

you are leaving in December and good luck for when that time arrives. Maybe this is a little silly/blunt/childish of me but please could get a picture of his face when you leave, maybe you could use it for christmas cards? Just a thought :)

#4 Oct 17 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

faithinthefuture

Girlfriend

I loved the letter you wrote! I too had lost my intuition or really had just stopped listening to it. I knew in my heart what was going on but I had to see for myself. and when I read the txts my heart was crushed. Even now after almost 7 months NC when I think about what he wrote it hurts knowing he was sitting right next to me while txting it and I had no idea what was going on. But more so when I think about it now it makes me sick to my stomach and gets me very angry that he was such a spoiled rotten little boy that when something upset him he had to run to another woman. Pathetic! And I have to laugh becuz what he txted her was EXACTLY what he would say to me! I kicked him back to his home state 600 miles away. I have the luxury that so many others don't that I don't have to worry about seeing him. That has helped me tremendously! I can't wait for December for you and your new life of happiness.

#5 Oct 17 - 9AM (Reply to #12)

Lisa E. Scott

Girlfriend!

Love, love, LOVE the letter you wrote!!!! Keep up the good work and I'm so glad you're leaving him in December! xoxo

#6 Oct 16 - 6PM (Reply to #11)

tica

Girlfriend

I left my XN in another country to return to the USA..it was such a relief to come home and be with family and friends who really care about me, I am reuniting with them and so grateful that they never judged me for going over there...left the XN hanging, thinking that all was ok and that I would see him again...but then went NC..it has been 4 1/2 months, now he can rage and I am not there, how perfect is that! Of course, he's riding around in the truck that I paid for ! For you, I am happy that he is using condoms anyway, alot don't and their victims suffer. You are on the right track...keep taking care of yourself and stay indifferent to him...they are users and abusers, you can't ever have them..they are our own illusion, good news there is that it is "our illusion" not theirs, so we can find it again, just not with a Narc, they only project what we want to see..that is until their mask slips..stay strong and stay on board. ps: did get smile from your letter, but also a kick in the stomach because these N's make my skin crawl..make a plan that has him wondering WTF after you go:) then I will really smile.. lol

#7 Oct 15 - 11AM

chickon2

Why is the higher road

The road to be taken all the time.. B/c Girlfriend, I have 8 brothers.. nuff said.. I am sorry.. It seems like his F UP is so 3D. And for that I am sorry.. It's like a bad movie that doesn't end, and on top of that, you can't take off those damn tacky 3D glasses.. BAH!. I am sorry for the pain in your chest.. I do hope you do find some time to cry, I know it feels like if you start you won't stop.. But you will.. You will get up, put one foot in front of the other and do what you have to do.. I know you will.. It makes me really sad,, that your fabulosity is shared with him at all.. It is something he should not witness.. Something that he does not have the right to witness.. He should not see or feel such love from you.. None of these jokers, should be in the presence of the fabulosity of anyone from this baord.. grrrr... Feel better..

#8 Oct 15 - 9AM

wholeagain

:(

I'm so sorry Girlfriend...I so, so know that feeling when you get that unmistakable piece of evidence. I know the feeling of needing to look in the wallet, the email, the car, etc. I was quite the super sleuth. I couldn't see how insane my life had become, that I had to be a detective all the time. December can't come soon enough, what a piece of work he is. Please tell me that he didn't really try to blame the condoms on a cockroach? I've heard some real whoppers but if he really said this it's a hall of fame contender. Hang in there. xoxoxo

#9 Oct 15 - 8AM

tica

Girlfriend

Sorry you are dealing with this..most, if not all of us have had to deal with the N cheating..not sure why you have to stay with him until December, but if you have to then get yourselves in separate rooms..this guy doesn't deserve to breathe in your goodness. The secretiveness always makes my stomach turn, because it is always promiscuous and selfish.Yes, like DRJ/Mr.H or like Eddie Haskell/Charles Manson...get away from him, he'll only continue to lie and as much as it upsets you, it pleasures him to watch the drama unfold..now, he has you searching and seeking out to catch him...move on now..go NC even if around him..shut him out, put up your walls and keep your dignity inside with you. Good luck sweetie, stay on board for the support, it's not easy, but it'll be the best thing you can do you. No arguing..let your total indifference to him be all he gets..

#10 Oct 15 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

The Girlfriend ...

Thanks tica

Thank you for the support. I actually feel numb and speechless since finding out about the condoms yesterday. I know he has cheated and lies all the time...but having the actual evidence just suddenly stuns me...I feel like I have a huge cold hard rock where my heart was...a pain in my chest like my heart just stopped beating, yesterday when all my suspicions were confirmed by this evidence...I just sat there by myself...I couldn't even move for about 1/2 hour. You are SO right about going NC as best I can while I am actually living with him...until I can leave. I don't feel angry...I just feel completely stone cold inside...like I never want to see his face or hear his despicable lies ever again. Everything about this man is a lie. I knew this day would come...I have 'known' about his cheating for a long time...but he is SO incredibly good at hiding things...now he is pretty blatant...though he denies anything...in fact I don't dare even say anything...he would do one of his rage attacks and toss a tantrum...twist things around...etc...we ALL know the drill of how these Narcopaths get when confronted with a dose of reality about themselves...why bother. I feel hurt that I cannot put into words...feel like I need to cry...but that if I do I willl not be able to stop...

#11 Oct 15 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

MsVulcan500

I am so sorry

I am so sorry this happened to you. Condoms were the end of my "relationship" too, even though I held on for a few more months, but I knew it was dead. You're right, it's impossible to sweep it under the rug at this point. I feel your pain, and again, I am so sorry you are going through this through no fault of your own. Take care of yourself and we are all here for you. (((girlfriend)))

#12 Oct 15 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

tica

Girlfriend

Now I am crying with you/for you/for us..it really sucks how we can get pulled down..but listen..we went into these relationships with honestly and pure intentions, and so we thought that was what we would get back in return..NOW we KNOW that was never the case, never will be with a NARC..they are so sad too, but they are personalty disordered..there is NOTHING you or I or any of us could have done better..the OW is no better than any of us...she is just in the dark and we have stepped into the light...embrace it and keep learning from it...life is too short to waste time on these N's, it's THEIR problem..yes, it sucks, seemed so right, well step into the clear now..we teach people how to treat us..so as of now..NO MORE..you are too good for this, NC is the only way he'll listen anyway...but TOO LATE..the GIG IS UP! sending you much love...it's for the best...you'll see..

#13 Oct 15 - 11AM (Reply to #5)

almostlydia

Girlfriend

I think this is absolutely the WORST part of it all and I am so sorry you are in it. A woman told me once that 'when we think our man is cheating on us, we become the CIA'. And I was and just like wholeagain said, my life was out of control. It's just the ultimate insult of one's intelligence to be told these ridiculous lies to your face and be dared to contradict them and deal with the rage. They do that rage too, to teach us the lesson of thinking twice before we question them again. It's part of the programming. It was just the most God awful thing to know they just lied to you and got something going on and you sit there and try to chase them down and find them out and they're so freaking good at it you can't catch them, then you just suffer, suffer with all the doubt and suspicion and insult and humiliation of it all. I'm so sorry because this was one place I pray to never be in again, so help me God! Is it possible just to move him out of your room to another room by the time he gets home from his 'dentist' appointment? Tell him what the new arrangement is going to be until December and if he is unhappy about it maybe he can take his condoms and go stay with Samantha or whoever? So what if he rages, stay calm and leave the room. And why are you still making him dinner? Stop doing these things, stop being in place, stop being there for him. Why can't you start spending some of your time elsewhere with friends now once a week or something, let him know you're not waiting for him to get home from his whatever excuse of the week it is. Even if its just going to a movie or something. Cry if you need to. It will stop and when it does you will be stronger and ready to get started at moving on. So sorry for you today. You will get past this hell you're in right now. It will take time but it will pass. almostlydia

almostlydia

#14 Oct 15 - 10AM (Reply to #3)

Alive

So

sorry about what you have just posted. Nc is the only way. Yes we all know the drill. Let's stick to it!. I am. Hopefully you will be out of there soon. x

#15 Oct 15 - 10AM (Reply to #4)

ACgirl

Know the feeling Girlfriend,

Know the feeling Girlfriend, it's almost like something hits you so hard that you find your mind and heart and the walls around your house spinning uncontrollably. My exNarc was such a lier too. I always had "hunches" but never actual evidence until one day I drove him somewhere and he actually brought a garbage bag into my car to take to the dump. When I dropped him off at the airport he left that bag in my car. A close friend of mine told me to go through it. I thought it was silly, but I did. I'm glad I did. Bingo. I found evidence that he spent a weekend with an OW bimbo in a different part of the country. And he lied to me for weeks about what he did that weekend. When I saw that evidence I was shaking uncontrollably. When I confronted him with it he told me she was "just a friend" (bullshit) and I was such a jealous person (bullshit) and he was raging. When ever I caught him a lie he either raged or went quiet and blamed me. What is even more unbelievable to me is that I went back to him. I wasted two more years. I didn't know he was a narc until I found this website. These men NEVER change. I am FINALLY NC and I am so glad!! You deserve so much better. If you have to cry, cry. Tears are made of salt and that is what the earth is made of. Your tears will cleanse you and you will feel better and be stronger. We are here for you. We have all gone through this. Feel lucky that you know the truth and now you will get out from under his BS. xoxo ACgirl.

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