Dealing With Recent Information About the Level of Deceit and Betrayal

I wrote about his a few weeks ago and now realize that NC includes NOT allowing anyone to "brief" me about his life. Now I'm paying the price for listening. Here's the story again.

I've had no physical contact with XN for over two years but, of course, there were "slips" in terms of a few texts and emails after the last encounter. Now it's been NC for many months.

So, I'm on my way to recovery and out of nowhere, he and his Significant Other (SO) run into my daughter and he offers to represent her in her child custody case for free; what a guy. None of this is my business but, here was my MISTAKE:

I allowed my daughter to brief me on her interaction with his partner/secretary based on her court experience. She said the SO bragged about their travels and relationship, disclosed when they became "official SO's" plus, my daughter relayed his "hi's" to me. I admit, I did ask her some questions too; more self sabotage. I think N expected me to attend the court hearings and that's why he brought SO. Thank God I did not!!

The part that I'm really struggling with as a result of this is that it triggered all the memories of the past ST, abuse and D & D's that occurred during the last 2 years I was seeing him. I realize I have some serious PTSD. Lately, I've become like Sherlock Holmes as I put the pieces together of what happened based on this new information. It's almost like I've become re-obsessed again but now the feelings of betrayal and deceit dominate my thinking. I was so fucking stupid.

Today, I clearly see what was really going on back then and I'm so angry, ashamed, and disgusted that I was a player in his circus. This fuck hired a new secretary, got in her pants and moved in with her when his financial kingdom collapsed. All along, I suspected his cheating but, I never had an inkling about the secretary (age 66). There were at least two OW I knew about but, SO was in a position to run off the competition because she got his time by working for him and she became useful. And so it is.

This stuff is eating at me all over again. It's been a few years and I'm still stuck on stupid. I even have an occasional urge to contact him but, I've got that under control. All of this is just another stage of healing and this too will pass. I need him out of my head so I can proceed with creating my new life. I think this will take some time again; thanks for allowing me to process the insanity.