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Deading him....

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#1 Feb 13 - 11AM
pamela1
pamela1's picture

Deading him....

I am on one full week of NC. I am having brief moments of clarity as to what just took place for the past 9 months of my life. I fell hard and fast and than D&D.
I have 19 days before I rent the uhaul and drive an hour to his house and move all my stuff out. At the thought of seeing him and "our" home, I feel physically sick and I am so afraid of any twisted conversation that might take place. I thought about having friends go without me so I dont have to see him but I don't trust him to actually pack up everything thats mine. No doubt when I get there Im going to have to go through the house myself and pack up what is mine which hurts bad just thinking about it.

I have a glimmer of hope that I will be okay but I still go in and out of the shock of all this. I just keep thinking it could have been worse. It was only 9 months. I got out easy........

Any words of support, encouragement, or wisdom is greatly appreciated?

Thank you...
P.

Feb 13 - 4PM
pamela1
pamela1's picture

Thanks everyone for the

Thanks everyone for the supportive posts. YES - I have quite a few BIG dudes going with me...and every single one of them will hold my hand on the way home when I most likely, fall apart..... P.
Feb 13 - 4PM
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

hey Pam

I also think you should take friends with you. If you have some big dude friends, that would be good also. If he knows some of the people you bring, he will most likely be very "nice" towards all of you. I also wanted to say...make a list ahead of time of everything you need back. It will make the process go faster. Also, after the move, if you realize that you left anything behind, ask yourself how important this item is to you. If you really don't need it, just let it go. The cost of that item is far less than the cost of staying in contact with him. Best of luck to you
Feb 13 - 12PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

You did getout easy. But it

You did getout easy. But it doesn't make it easier. Your pain is real and time makes no difference. I was with mine for 15 years, and the 2nd for a little over a year. But my pain and suffering, my addiction is no different because of the time spent. Yours is the same and you should go through the same steps to ensure your emotional safety for the future. Stay strong and do what you need to do to get your belongings and move forward with your recovery. And what ever you do..........do not look him in the eye if he is there when you pack up your u-haul.
Feb 13 - 11AM
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

absolutly take friends

They will be a buffer, he will more likely play nice, they can witness and give you a reality check. Dont even consider going without someone, let them know it may take time as you need to look for your stuff so that you never have a reason to go back. Please take someone with you!
Feb 13 - 11AM
Maggster
Maggster's picture

I'm far from a expert but my

I'm far from a expert but my gut tells me that you should definitely bring friends with you, as many as possible. Firstly, to keep him away from you and secondly, to expedite the move as easily and quickly as possible. Good luck and congrats on the NC - it is our only chance of freedom.
Feb 13 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

Dearest Pamela, I want to say

how proud I am of you to your commitment to healing from this horrible experience that was tossed into your lap out of left field. One week NC is an amazing accomplishment and I congratulate you. Your determination to get past this will serve you well. I agree with Maggster here and say to please bring a friend or a couple of friends with you on the day you move out. I would encourage you to have no contact with him at all other than to supervise the moving process. Keep processing and "getting it out" all you can in these coming 19 days. Write your lists of the "good" and BAD he brought into your life and have the REALITY check forefront in your mind. Know that you are taking your power back here, and that he will never again have an opportunity to know you in any way--much less abuse your honesty and your love. Every day you are NC you will get stronger. By the time moving day comes, you will be able to handle it just fine. I do encourage you, however, to bring a couple of friends or family members for support. Hugs to you and stay strong. Sincerely, (not) spinning. AND WISHING NO ONE WOULD EVER HAVE TO SPIN OVER THESE DISORDERED ABUSERS!

spinning