D&D

Why does he want you back? Because the harangue, the devaluing, the discarding -- that is the whole point of the relationship. These guys thrive on that. Lundy Bancroft, the psychologist who created court-mandated batters programs for Massachusetts, noted that the men in the program complained over & over how awful their partners were & how she instigated his reactions to slap her, abuse her, to end up in this court-mandated program. Basically, it was all her fault that he was there because she was such a worthless person for any number of reasons. Lundy Bancroft would simply say: "Why don't you leave her? End the relationship? Find somebody better." Apparently, no one man ever saw this as a possibility. Baffled, totally baffled by the notion of leaving some b**ch who caused so much trouble as to put him on probation & into a court-mandated batterers program. Lundy Bancroft realzed, the harangue, the abuse, the cycling of abuse, having a punching bag -- that was the whole point of the relationship. That was normal for these guys. They were incapable of existing in an intimate relationship with a woman which did not entail abuse & batterering. So you should not be so baffled that he went through all the trouble of D&D to only want you back a few weeks later. This cycling is exactly what he wants. This is what he's comfortable with. "Splitting" -- a psychological term for the notion that the guy sees you as either all good or all bad. It's a defense mechanism & actually symptomatic of disturbed individuals. Mine engaged in "splitting" -- it was so terribly, terribly painful for me while I lived with him. I did not understand then what I understand now. Now I know that my N is nuts, totally nuts, and he was driving me crazy as well because really, he made no sense & I was going crazy trying to make sense out of his nonsense. And, really, mine thrived on the harangue of my trying to communicate with him. Communication was the last thing my N wanted. It was all about control & demeaning me so as to empower himself. And I know what you mean about that look in the eye. I shudder & recoil when I remember that look. Evil. That was my thought at the time & it is still my feeling now, even with what I now about narcissism (which I didn't know then). He wants you back so he can D&D you all over again. So that he can give you that look of contempt, distain, & evidence all his revulsion for worthless you (in his opinion). Don't do that to yourself & don't give him the satisfaction of going back for another round of D&D. Frankly, these guys are in my opiinion misogynists. Women control the source of the most pleasurable physical experience & thus, they feel, she unfairly controls them. And they HATE women for that but they have to engage the b**ch they HATE to get the to the source of the pleasurable experience. Sorry. It's as simple as that in my opinion. I was used. Plain & simple. None of it was real. Love for these guys is that they are physically attracted & can engage in D&D.

Hi Scoop, D&D is a shocker theres no doubt about that. It is probably what made me realise there was something definately not right about this person. I knew that what he did i could never do whatever state or stage in my life i was at. I know that there is no situation...including breakdown that i could do that kind of behaviour. I think if you have morals and understanding of emotions even on some level then its not possible to behave in a hurtful way unless you don't care about the other person. Even then you would have to not care about yourself to treat another human being in a bad way. I watched Eastenders on xmas day and Archie D&D Genine (sp) and threw her out of the vic. The way in which he did that really brought it home to me about the process. I actually related to it and that is very sad............that i could relate to a storyline on Eastenders my life must have become sad lol. Yes the sense of helplessness, the feeling of something not being right, of being set up in some way. Being so powerless and humilitated. Then the guilt and self blame when they blame shift too. It's an amazingly clever process from people so stupid. The cold look too. What a weirdo. I can't believe i went near him now. Well it was hypnosis then trauma bonding. I think i was set up from the begining. This site helps me vent.