Dating

the only real love I have known - my kids my dog my Dad that's it. I guess that's just the way it's going to be for me now because I will not date again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths

It's going to be a LONG time before I start dating. I still have to remove myself from my current situation. And, on top of that I feel like I will set my standards so high that nobody will be ever to meet them. I think I will be paranoid and untrustworthy for a while. I went form an 18 year monogomous relationship that basically broke down because we were together as kids (since we were 17, I am 35 now) and we just didn't have the life skills to evolve and figure things out together. I met my N several months after my break up from my long term relationship. Before I met my N I had vowed to wait at least a year to begin dating so i could figure my life out and make sure I was ready. As we all now, N's initially sweep us off our feet and make us feel that we 'are SO lucky' to have found our soul mate that after a few months of dating N I broke down and confessed my love for him. Now two years and a house later I wonder what happened to that beautiful man I first met. But, thanks to this site, I know it wasn't me and that it wasn't my fault I was fooled. But it has scarred me enough that I don't think I will trust anyone for a LONG time when I start dating again.

I know I am not ready yet either. It has only been a couple of months since I left. But I have been lonely for a very long time. My whole life I guess. So sometimes I feel like I am ready, it would be so great to just feel really loved and cared about. I know this sounds really pathetic and sad but I don't really want to date or anything. I think I just want someone to hold me while I cry. I guess that is what I have always really wanted. My n would laugh sometimes or watch TV or evan sing a song when I was crying. Evan when I would cry over my brothers death. The cruelty was severe. I know that it would not make for a good first date or any date to just hop up in his lap and bawl like a baby lol. But that is really what I want.My oldest son says I need a support group like on fight club. I need "Bob" to hold me and let me cry so I can sleep at night.lol I am committed to waiting a year to 18 months to date. I am supposed to use this time to work on myself and rid myself of wrong thinking. I am still very very attracted to narcs. I don't know why I am. I can spot a narc. right off now. And I know I have to avoid them like a drug addict avoids cocaine. I hope I can change this about myself. I really do want something real someday. I guess I am just more comfortable with the fakeness because that is what I grew up with. Bothe my mom and dad are very selfish and their love is very conditional. I have never known real love outside of my kids.

Since I met both of my ex Ns on internet dating sites, I'm pretty down on them. But, I have to say, I did the STUPIDEST thing with my profile that, in hindsight, I think informed my most recent N that I nearly married just how vulnerable I was--before he met me. Here's what I did, which should be a "what not to do" if you're susceptible to Ns. After breaking up with my 1st N and giving myself only a few months to recover, I decided 1st N was an anomoly and I was ready to get back in the dating game (I wasn't though). I re-wrote the intro to my profile and created a laundry list of all the things that were dealbreakers for me: manipulation, control, selfishness, etc. And then I actually wrote: "If you're a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath, move along." As you can imagine, my profile had a very angry tone to it and I didn't get many emails. ;) But I now realize that it was an INVITATION to be abused again. Here I thought that would dissuade another N and let them know I'd be onto them if they contacted me, but oh how I was wrong. I think it informed my 2nd N that I could be abused by these folks...because I had been. Anyway, I remember the 1st phone conversation with my 2nd N and he came right out and asked me if I had ever known a sociopath before? It struck me as odd, but I figured I'd asked for that question by putting a reference to it in my profile...and responed "no, not really. I mean I haven't been with someone who abuses animals, if that's what you mean." and he responded so chillingly "or people." But I brushed that part of the conversation off. But of course I remember it vividly today...hindsight!