CRYING

You have been terribly harmed and your opinion of what you should have hadwith him is keeping you stuck.You can have a good relationship but he was a false love due to his narcissisim. He can only play and pretend but you want the real thing! Think about what you want in life really think about it-do soul searching thought. Do not think about what someone else can give you but what you can go out and get for yourself. Then on New Years Eve write it out. I do my ideas and goals for the new year and add clip art and fun things and then I look at it everyday. It is fun to go back and look at other years and to see how many things came to pass. I put health, money, relationships, jobs different 'categories' seperate with appropriate art work, affirmations, sayings, etc. Try and get it done so that the first thing that you do on New Years is to read your paper for 2010. I know that those goals will come true if you make your plan and work your plan.

I looked for your story. Is it posted there? Seven months & no contact? Because he left his brith certificate & some other very personal items, I bet he's going to be back. And as if nothing happened. I think you should decide what you're gonna do. I suggest never taking any calls or e-mails & throwing his photos & documents in the the trash. He obviously does not care about these things. You owe him no explanations. Obviously, he gave you none. Now, the best cure for a broken heart is another love affair. I know you invested a lot in this guy. But, move on into the future. Set your sights on something new. The holidays are so difficult. Remember, it was you who created all the love & longing for a life together. He really wasn't there in it with you. It was convenient for him, for awhile. But now he's moved on. Protect yourself. You are not some storage facility for his possessions.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I'm very familiar with this type of pain. We have similar stories ~ were long distance for quite some time, we worked so hard to be together, the planning, the money involved..only for him to discard me repeatedly? Honestly, I sat there in shock for some time wondering what the hell just happened?? This kind of disappointment comes totally out of left field, and usually not close to anything else we've experienced. At my age, I thought I was well-equipped to handle just about anything?? Wrong! This is like nothing else... I must say, what was very weird for me, is mine dumped me and then tried to lure me back, all within a short time frame. It was as if he didn't do something horrible to me, and expected me to forgive him for abandoning me. It was really, really hard to say NO and ignore him. And it was kind of scary in a way...I was afraid of what he'd do if I didn't respond. When he finally left me alone, it was a big relief. He didn't keep trying to contact me because he loved me, cared, or really wanted me. It was a sick game to him, and he likely didn't have a 'supplier' at the time. But, I think he secured 'old supply', which is probably why he's been quiet. Whether they contact you or not, it's NEVER for the right reasons. Keep moving forward, there are good days and bad days...the bad days become fewer and far between. Remember, him not contacting you has NOTHING to do with the person you are. It has everything to do with his sick, twisted, screwed up brain and his totally skewed version of reality.

In a normal relationship there would be some kind of contact with the ex , The odd text or email seeing how one another is .He has left documents at your house which he will need but still the silent treatment from him . See, this silent treatment is a form of abuse , it is designed to slowly suck all the life from you, it is designed to hurt like hell . And when you are a crumpled mess on the floor he will try and walk right back in . He proberly has a chain of women that he is doing this to , it is a sick kind of learnt behaviour tryed and tested by him and that is how he recycles his suppliy . Ok i cant say for certain he will try and contact you but i would say the odds are stacked in favour that he will .In his mind you will be so starved and will be so relieved that he has focused his attention back on you you will run open armed to him and the D&D will start all over again . All that supply ! i can see him rubbing his hands with glee ! My narc only left it 3 weeks without contact but seeing as these men have no concept of time 7 months 3 weeks its all the same to them .They see us as objects they can pick up and put down at will , many of us have commented on the causal way they swan back in as if nothing has happened .It is amazing (if it didnt hurt so much it would be funny) Hang in there girlfriend Big Love Scoop x

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/01/healing-after-no-contact-takes-time http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/12/19/getting-over-narcissistic-abuse ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

I know the pain that you are feeling. It ends without discussion, without consideration, without the exchange of ideas, or causation of WHY he did what he did. He just left you hanging. Really, to fend for yourself. It is a terrible, empty feeling, to feel that you gave him so much, the deepest part of yourself, and he has not that space within him to give. He might have put up a front to you, that he was giving this to you, yet from your stroy here, it sounds like it was his lie. Hard to believe that some people lie their way through their lives like this. Amazing that he would go to such lengths, and for so long. Let it make you stronger. Realize he is NOT the one for you,,hard to believe,,since it was all so perfect (or as he portrayed it to you, that created these feelings). Realize that the perfect love is within you. The guy is a jerk, worse, he is a criminal. Thank God that this criminal is not in your life anymore. Count your blessings that you know this. Take peace in you solitude, as this is actually true happiness. You will find the love you are dreaming of. Acknowledge first that the one who you had pinned yourself on was a con man, and theif. Realize in your heart, you don't want a con man and theif. Be glad you discovered it.