Crushed by my two sisters narcissism and their control over mother

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#1 Oct 28 - 5PM
tough girl
tough girl's picture

Crushed by my two sisters narcissism and their control over mother

If anyone has experience with siblings (mine are 7 and 9 years older, I am the youngest) and have had the unfortunate luck of watching them manipulater your parent while they devalue you, I would like to hear how you handled/are handling that. In January I de-freinded my ex narc boyfried of 16 years. The sister took his side devestating me. They've ignored me, left me out of decisions pertaining to my mother and I have since discovered they are BOTH narcissists. This is quite a load to handle - first my charismatic boyfriend abusing me for years on end, the courage I finally found to get rid of him, my reaching out to my flesh and blood only to be dissed and thrown away.

I have stopped contact with them. Suddenly they are interested in emailing, both sent me a birthday gift I'm sure to tell mom how great they are OR how horrible I am for not responding.

I'm losing it. This is consuming me. I don't know what the future of my relationship with my mom is. She never did stand up for me but she didn't throw me away either. I'm so desperate for support I'm taking what crumbs she is feeding me. The sisters have secured her medical power of attorney behind my back and now are working on the financial.

I guess my question is, has anyone ever gone no contact with siblings? This is getting wierd because my mom is asking why I won't talk with them. I've explained how they've hurt me. Anything negative I say about them hurts her. The says they only have bad things to say about me so she won't let them talk about me. I fear eventually they'll convince my mom how awful I am because I won't speak or say thanks for gifts. My mom knows how it hurts me that they have chosen to remain friends with my ex. It's like the twilight zone and I'm afraid of my own mental state. I've pretty much lost my whole family to Narcissism (thanks Daddy Dearest! The original Narc.).

Thanks in advance for any feedback. I've got a letter all ready to go letting them know thier lying to my mom is cruel, that I'm onto them, that there's a snow balls chance in Hell they can fix this and to get some help. I'd love to mail this but don't want to strangle myself.

Nov 4 - 5PM
tough girl
tough girl's picture

Thanks so much. I just sent you a private message.

This thing with the sisters is really so painful. It is hurting my mom so much and that kills me. I want nothing to do with them and they are using that against ME after they have done the most abominable things a sister can do. It just sucks. Thanks for everyones comments and support.
Nov 4 - 3PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Yes, I've had to do the same to my sister

Yes, I have gone NC with my elder sister. Not an easy decision (she is 10 years old than me) and I now realise that she controlled me since I was a baby but only because I was the compliant one as opposed to my younger sister who she never took too because she was more demanding. She is really passive/aggressive and since another of my sisters died last February I finally realised how controlling she is. So then, when I wasn't dancing to her tune she spewed out all kinds of horrendous dross (not the first time in my life really) but because I was going through stuff with the ex-P/N I was more aware of their demands/entitlement - I just thought, F**k off, I don't need this in my life anymore. I have to say that I feel freer and lighter because I am not listening to her ranting on about what other people have said within the family and her anger about that. When in fact she says exactly what she wants, to whoever, but because she had always had my ear and backup she thought she could get away with it when in fact she was saying exactly the same thing about them - not geniune. Always confusing, and she had actually told another family member how I felt about something when in fact she had relayed my feelings and thoughts totally wrongly. She has always just been a very angry person and wanted to get back at them for her own reasons but using me in the process. Her mantra has always been, just pretend and be as nice as possible but always ultimately be angry. She thinks others can't see through her mask. Hope that makes sense. I finally came to realise through the death of my sister that she is a typical N and I didn't want to deal with it any more. She would spew all her nastiness and then expect me to pick up the pieces in her wake to make her feel better. No way Jose - we are all adults now and should be responsible for our own actions. Awful to say, but I haven't spoken to her since February but I can truly say that I haven't missed the contact. So, my advice, is just be true to yourself. Hope my comments have helped. Dee x
Oct 31 - 8PM
Hunter's picture

They key here is to be true

They key here is to be true to yourself..set boundaries.. Hunter
Oct 31 - 12AM
tough girl
tough girl's picture


Tigerlily, thanks for taking the time to comment. This whole thing is really getting to me. The shock that my sisters just weren't there for me at a crucial time, the unhuman way they reacted to my pain was what made me aware they had serious detachment problems. The way they treat my mom is criminal. I really hope someone here has some words for me regarding this. I'm at my wits end.
Oct 30 - 11AM
Tigerlily's picture

Welcome, Tough Girl!

You`ve come to the right place. I have never gone NC on siblings, my (narc.) sister went NC on the rest of the family though! I`m afraid I can`t answer, hopefully someone else can. It must be tough on your Mom being in the middle of this. Glad you found your way here, even if I am sorry about the reason! Take care Tigerlily