Cried at work today....

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#1 Sep 30 - 9PM
Better than ever
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Cried at work today....

So, I hit a low point today. A few of my colleagues saw the exNarc at the dining area at work (one that I avoid so I wouldn't see him) ......anyways he said a big hello (he doesn't even like them) and stood around looking for an opportunity to talk with them.....

I cried in my office, feeling that maybe I have been wrong to be so distant with him.....but I think I'm doing the right thing.....HELP!!!!!!

Oct 1 - 6AM
How could I
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You are

You are doing the right thing BTE! I do understand the hurt and questioning that you are feeling as I work with mine too. Like others have told you - remember why we are on this site!! We are not here because we have found prince charming! We're here because we have found the devil's evil twin. We will keep strong......and a box of kleenex on our desk. All the best to you!!!
Oct 1 - 5AM
Nemesis
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Better than ever

I think you are doing what is right for you in order to cope with this traumatic situation and nobody has the right to say, or to make you feel, that that is wrong. It's so difficult when dealing with a person like this and it can feel very isolating, especially when it seems that you are the only one avoiding him. Isolating you is a large part of how these kind of people operate. When people say that narcissists isolate their victims we tend to think of something very literal like the victim being left alone in the house while he goes out, but what he is doing to you is isolating you at work. You are so keen to avoid him because his very presence is so stressful to you (this could be connected with PTSD) that this is causing you to avoid a communal area that your friends use. I perceive every interaction that a narcissist/psychopath initiates as being manipulation in some form. They use our emotions against us in ways that we would not even imagine. In your case, it sounds like he is deliberately trying to ingratiate himself with your friends as a way of making you feel left out (purely to make himself feel powerful). Also, by chatting with your friends, it gives everyone else in the dining area the impression that your friends like him, which would lead them to believe that he couldn't possibly have treated you badly. They are manipulative beyond belief. I know this is hard to hear and I don't want to upset you, please believe me. I just want you to see things clearly so that you will stay strong in doing what you need to do to protect yourself. When dealing with the aftermath of a relationship with a disordered person we are often forced to behave in ways that seem unnatural to us or that go against the way we have been taught to treat others since childhood. We are taught in primary/elementary school that to ignore another person and exclude them from your company is morally wrong, but in this case, it is what you need to do (exclude him from your company) in order to recover and survive this traumatic situation. Perhaps it would help you to keep reminding yourself that the person who you are dealing with has NO CONSCIENCE. You must never allow yourself to feel guilty, ashamed or "in the wrong" about using any survival strategy that you have put into force, as you can guarantee that he does not feel even a modicum of guilt, shame or remorse for any of the cruel things that he has done to other people during his lifetime, and there will be a great many of them. xxx
Oct 1 - 6AM (Reply to #4)
newbegginings
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Nemisis

Once again, wonderful supportive words, that leave you feeling powerful and positve. Thankyou
Sep 30 - 11PM
Sparrow
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All I can say

All I can say is.............remember what brought you here. It is so easy to lean on the good times, the nice thoughts. But, what brought you here is the reality............never in all my years did I ever find a need to reach out in this direction. I am sure you feel the same way. If you reached out this far..............your gut is dead on. Never ever doubt your gut. Stay strong my friend. It gets easier, trust me.
Sep 30 - 10PM
newbegginings
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Follow your gut!

Hi Better than ever, So sorry that your feeling like this at the moment. New to this too with not to much advice, however, I feel that you are not doing the wrong thing in keeping your distance. Whatever led you to want to avoid him...remember those reasons. I would imagine that if he is a N that is would all be for a reason. To get you to react like this, to make him feel exceptionally great, that he still has one over you. If he never liked them, well his big pretend mask is on, and its on because he wants rattle your cage. This wont make you feel better, time will do that, but hopefully it will give you a little strength, to keep your distance. Remember again, why have been, and let that lead you. Hugs to you Timtam