Courage to share the truth

I need to share my truth. I have been no contact for about 2months. I try to take suggestion and move forward. I have learned a lot here and am starting to understand my feelings...a little at a time. Somedays theCD is low and thevoice is low.

Today, the voice is high and find myself getting close to stepping back into the vortex of exn. It really hurts.

I read about narcissism and this guy is def one. When I read about it I get to thinking about him. And it's major cd. See I'm even coding my longing for contact ...trying to not really say what I mean. I want to hear from him again. I believe this will pass, and yet when I'm in it it, I feel paralized. I don't know what I'm looking for when I post this...maybe it's just to let people know that I am here. I am in pain. Everyone here is in some type of pain, I get that. I know there is no magic answer or shock treatment that can get me out of this sadness. I just get triggered sometimes and I feel like I am right back in a relationship with him.

This relationship ended over 2 years ago. I still can't move on, and let go. If he were to knock on my door right now, i dont know id be strong enough to not open the door. i am and get triggered when i go anywhere in my town. do you know what its like living in your own town and wanting to see a glimpse of him ever day, andnever do. i get that way or so scared ill run into him. either way, its no way to live. I've read on here many times that people wake up from this ...when is this going to happen to me. Haven't we all suffered enough.

Ttr