Coping with loneliness

Okay i'm not saying your three months only is no hurt, but can i say the emotion shocked and paralazed? I really sympathy those ladies with 28, 25 years etc then to realise the word "Narcissist" existed in the dictionary. For myself, 2 years plus to then know the truth. No doubt as i really it was so shock and alarming everything fits in so perfectly to my life. And the more i read, the more the feeling of hard to accpet but back of feelings, you know it's the truth as it what happening. Saying about loneliness, i just posted on a similar thread to this saying with or without them i feel the same. Their existence is like we are on earth's sofa, they are on pluto, like seriously. Never i feel so freed and heart feel so opened (actually i gradually feel i would be more freed and opened if i ever break it off, but no idea why i took so long to wake up). Just like you, i dont think i could accept guys. People might beg to differ rebutting "nah we all says that, as u heal u will get the right guy". But no one have any idea what we went through. The hurt and damaged over years OR over countless attempts- we TREID alot of times. (thou with the same guy). So we read before, most victims like us tends to be soft, tolerant and kind, all the more we bent over too much over the attemtps making us more hurt than anyone in any relationship could imagine. The damaged is just too great and massive thou it seems almost invisible to anyone. Did i mentioned how everyone around him is viewing you as the psychotic and immature little gal? Not only you're being D&D, hurting confidence and esteem, our social life is affected. We dont who to trust and believe anymore, even seeing their relatives of friends we would be self conscious of how bad we are being labelled as. Nvm i have got a list, weak, clingy, emotional, no outgoing enough, too quiet, not understanding, a gal with too much trouble and problem etc etc. The whole wide world percieved e at the whole root of problem for that pathetic narcissist. I am the trouble, the problem!!! Ally2375, dont worry or hurry into any relationship anymore/ yet. The more we rush the faster relatinoship end, the less observant we are to see where the guy is coming from. Relax and take it easy, see properly, analyze carefully, we plegde not to be careless anymore, not victims anymore. Time doesnt matter, as long we got the right one, we can wait.

Thank God you are feeling the lonliness,, this is your connection really to your passion, and realization that you deserve better, and will get better,,,now that you are no longer accepting a psychopathN liar into your life. It is tough. You have to look at your goals. Write out what you want. Where you want to go. The feelings and experiences you truly want. Realize that you can fulfill these dreams.. Take action. Take a small step toward fulfilling them. Go out for a coffee,,do something that makes you happy. Just be forever grateful that you are no longer at the whims of a loser.

Just turned 36 - how I wish I just turned ONLY 36! Lol! It will get better, you sound like you are doing all the right things now to make your dreams happen. Journey on...

I am there too - struggling with the loneliness and isolation. My ex-N first came into my life when I was 30 and has been in/out of my life ever since. I'm now 44. Each time I took him back, I was sure that THIS time would be it. He is my soulmate, love of my life and we would grow old together. In doing so, I surrendered my hopes and dreams in holding out for the fantasy of a loving, lasting relationship with him. I always wanted children. He didn't. That is one of the many things that I will have to make peace with. I wish i had the strength and fortitude earlier to do what YOU are doing now! To get real and shine light on those dark places. and make a change. Instead, I invested 14 years in somethimg that was never going to happen. The loneliness is there, but i think that it is part of the process. It will pass. I guess what I'm trying to say is be thankful and have faith in yourself for what you know now, for the changes that you are making, for working on yourself, and for your progress so far. 36 is young!! You have time! Invest in YOU! Keep doing what you are doing. One foot in front of the other.

Hello, Being Narced is aweful, Recovery takes time. I have a question for you? Would you rather be with an abuser or be alone and love yourself? One thing at a time, Once you are free again and you will be free, You will see the light from the dark side. Breisis is right . Who knows what will happen day to day? You are a beautiful woman who deserves to,and will be happy. One thing Ive learned, never count on man to make you happy. Make yourself happy and the rest will happen. Its all good! Idealk

Oh Ally! I feel exactly like you! I´m 35 years old, and my relationship with my ex-N was my first serious relationship. Since he left me I haven´t only been struggling with the grief of losing him and the family we were supposed to have. I´ve also been struggling with the panic of having to start all over again, maybe never finding someone to love and missing the chance to have children. I feel so very lonely sometimes. But I do believe that there are someone out there for us too. That we will meet them as soon as our hearts are mended, and that there´s still time for us to have a family. Besides, I can´t believe that all the happy, healthy men are taken. Look at us! We´re whole. We know how to be loyal and to love. Maybe we have made mistakes in the past, but as soon as we have healed we will be able to love again. There must be lots of men just like us out there. And in the meantime I´m trying to keep myself busy. I´m meeting my friends, I´m working out, writing and trying to be kind to myself (which includes eating lots of chocolates). And I´m trying my best to not give in to the panic and the preassure of meeting someone new right away. It have to take time. Right now it´s progress if I can enjoy an evening or maybe a whole day on my own. It will get better. I promise. Lots of hugs!

ALL THE TIME< I struggle with the loneliness, in answer to your question and I am considerably older than you. I had one healthy marriage and we went separate ways but are still good friends, but I long for one last loving relationship with a good,kind, generous with his love type of man, nothing like i had with the Narc. You just have to pick yourself up, work on your issues and get involved in life, doing what you like doing and remain optomistic that just maybe someone will come into your life, Did you ever see the movie, "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Ladd,or Lane, cannot remember, loved the movie.and it is still a privilege to be ALIVE AND FEELING.

Your dream is not dead. The dream exists apart from HIM, he had no special "powers" to make this dream come true (OBVIOUSLY LOL!). The Dreamer of this dream is YOU. The dream is alive and well :) I had my children when I was 18 and 21 years old. I have no experience with getting to my mid to late 30's and find myself wanting children and family. I imagine this is a very special kind of fear, and grief, all I can do is offer a hug :) As for the being 36 and "missing" your one "chance" of having children and a family, or that "there will be no one out there for me", I can speak to THAT most confidently :) That, my dear, is pure fearful DELUSION. An honest and understandable one. But as a person a decade older than you, I am here to say you have NO idea what is going to happen to you next week, next month or next year. Here's the problem. You are experiencing the worst part of leaving the Narc right now. Those first several weeks, up until four or five months, are just awful for the regrets and loneliness. I'm sad to say it's par for the course. But remember, it is a COURSE. It is not a destination :D And you will move out and beyond this very painful time, of course you will. 36 is terribly young. People are just getting their shit together in their 30's. We have VERY long adolescences these days. Remember this: Just because you don't SEE or FEEL something, does not mean it is not THERE. In spite of the loneliness and fear, it is extremely MORE likely that you will, in five years or so, be mad at yourself for forgetting to get more baby wipes and reading books on how to potty train a stubborn three year old. You'll look back on this time and think OMG, the poor dear!!! Have faith. Trust yourself. The dream is alive, it just needs the right person to make it happen, and that also means the right "you". You don't have to spend YEARS in therapy and YEARS alone to get over the Narc. Just work hard. Keep your eye on the prize. Get to work!! Therapy once a week? Spend the other six days reading, reflecting, taking risks outside your comfort zone. This is how you'll get your family. This is how anyone gets their dreams . . . not by wringing their hands and saying I WISH.