Control O' Meter

For the moment I am still living with Mr. Ind. It's been one week today since the official decision, but we have lives to seperate. Mrs. Ind and I have explained that we are going to be here until Nov 1st and we have had a couple of discussions about what was going to happen to him. He expressed fears of being homeless and pointed out that we were going to be so much better off.

What was really hard about these discussions was that he would change his goal mid sentance and pinning him down to hard and fast numbers was not easy. It was near impossible. But we have come to a mutual agreement. Basically we took over the household bills and he took on some of the liability. It's lopsided, but other than the household bills we have only taken on one extra credit card. So it works out when you figure we have a triad that is being broken up.

But we agreed to it because we realized that Mr. Ind would either drag his feet until Nov 1, and we'd have to let him deal with it. Or he would bail at the most inconveniant time leaving us holding the bag. So if we already knew we could pay rent and utilities, then we were going to have to do that. So it's not ideal, but it is what it is.

A week ago he retreated to the computer room. He demanded that we remove all of our stuff (Because at the end of the day anything left in there he would throw away) and he would stay there. We did so, it wasn't a huge sacrfice. We have laptops, he does not. And he sleeps on the couch and exists in the computer room.

Sadly, there is not a lot of difference between pre break up and post break up.

So the Control O' Meter? That's what you are wondering about.

The Door. It's so funny. The door to the computer room is a constant fluxuating indicator of the level of control he feels at that moment.

A fully open door says he feels confident and secure in his world. We could come and go as we wish and he does not care.

A Closed Door indicates lack of security and he is blocking us out, ensuring that we know that we are not welcome into his sanctuary.

The door at half mast indicates a loss of control, but it is an attempt to gain it back. Because closing a door to him only makes him want to come through. So if it's mostly closed then he is feeling a lack of control but wants to hear what we have to say.

Even when he leaves the house or goes to another part of the house the door indicates the level of control he feels. It's a fascinating study in Narc behavior.