Narcissism is all about control. All Ns are little tyrants. And they are all like 3 year old children. The wold revolves around them. And as children repeatedly throw the spoon down from the high chair to make you pick it up -- so does your grown up N. The child does it because he is testing his ability to control the spoon & you & his environment. The child is an innocent narcissist in an age appropriate stage of development. Your grown-up N is a child with a man's need for sex & a man's sophistication to throw more important stuff around (rather than spoons). Just as the child in the high chair made you jump through hoops & threw a temper tantrum (to intimiate you & manifest his rage that you did not act to his bidding) if you did not pick up that spoon. The grown up N will do the same thing if you do not condone his sleeping with other women, having you support his lifestyle, not believing his lies (examples of his spoons). If you do condone all these activities (spoons) of his, then you are under his control & where he wants you.
And like children, these Ns can be totally charming. I saw a woman with a toddler on the train. he wanted to hold her ticket which was a month pass. Very valuable. And the train was crowded & she was tired. She didn't want him to hold the pass. He started screaming. UGH! Then she found another "pass" which looked similar but had expired & gave it to him. He stopped screaming. And then for the rest of the ride he was such a delight. he went from raging monster terrorizing his mother in one minute to being for the next 30 minutes an utterly charming companion. And this is how your grown up N sucks you in. It is human nature. But, heck, who needs this from an adult who is not your biological child. There are grown men out there who do not play these control games.
You said it SOOO SWELL, , love the spoon analogy. It was funny because the narc's first wife told me recently that she asked her ex narc , when they were married years ago,if he would BEHAVE when thye went to their oldest son's wedding. I guess he could not because he did not show up for his son's wedding, the spotlight would not be on HIM for a day, unbelievable. I sure wish I knew what happen with him and his mommy,just curious, i know she smothered and doted on him and maybe was cold and indifferent to him as well, because he would try and hide from her, hoping she would look for him and she did not...............
I don't want a relationship with a person that needs fixing anymore. I don't want chaos or confusion or manipulation in my relationships. I chose it when I entered a relationship with a disordered one, but no more.
ds
I do not think you choosed to enter a relationship with the disordered...i think you were lured into it and and you loved him,you were just trying to help him,like i did too.Don't judge yourself,they are very good in disguise.Love
None of us want that either, there are allot of us that don't need fixing, but the ones who cannot deal with their own emotions and cannot be happy without making someone else miserable are out there! All they do is run away because they are cowards and worthless! They will be alone and miserable later in life.What is really sad is they really believe they are all that, when they ain't shit! And the older the get , the more pathetic they are!
The guy I'm involved with is a total control freak... in all aspects of life - from ordering at a restaurant, to sex. From what I've read, I do have the impression it's a strong characteristic for narcissists.
Control
Agnes murphy
My take on this is that narcs
Journey on...
I don't want a relationship
Done sourcing...
Aceonelady
None of us want that either,
The guy I'm involved with is
My ex N was a complete
I think narc's are a bit of