CONTACT HAS BEEN MADE - COULD BE INTERESTING

22 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 8 - 8AM

Sparrow

CONTACT HAS BEEN MADE - COULD BE INTERESTING

Good morning friends............

I have just been contacted by N #2's OW..........could make for some interesting conversations. Considering he continues to reach out to me and profess his love for me........hmmmm, what to do, what to do.

Can I save her? Should I try?

#2 Jul 10 - 1AM

Journey

Well, I gotta say if it was

Well, I gotta say if it was me I would want to answer her. I understand why others here say not to, that it could pull you back into narc's world - but you say he's still reaching out and professing his love for you anyway - so are you really out yet? I wish an OW pre or post our relationship would contact me, even close to 2 years post break-up, I think it would still help with the validation to know someone else is experiencing or has experienced some of what I did. I don't think it is about trying to 'save' her. She could be one of us one day very soon if she isn't already... my 2 cents

Journey on...

#3 Jul 9 - 9AM

Hunter

Oh this is going to be good.

Oh this is going to be good. What did she say? Poor thing. Just send her this link and be done :) Hunter

#4 Jul 10 - 6AM (Reply to #19)

Sparrow

She wanted to "speak" to me

She wanted to "speak" to me about our relationship. Apparently, he has told her about me. She knows he still loves me and wanted to know where I stood as far as my feelings since we are no longer together. She is clueless about his disorder I am sure. I ended up responding last night (couldn't help myself). This is what I sent her......... He is not "still" in love with me. He never was and never will be. He is unfortunately incapable of that emotion, as well as many more. You will learn this in time, if you decide to stay with him. Me, if I was told by a man I was in a relationship with, that he loved another woman, would walk away from him in a NY minute. Trust me, If you don't leave him now, with this knowledge, you are his for as long as HE wants you. Good luck and my best to you. I haven't heard back from her. Doubt I will any time soon. But eventually, you can count on it. Poor thing........

#5 Jul 10 - 9AM (Reply to #20)

Hunter

Sparrow

Wow, This Narc stuff blows my mind! Poor thing is right! Hunter

#6 Jul 8 - 9PM

Sparrow

I decided not to reciprocate

I decided not to reciprocate contact

#7 Jul 8 - 9PM (Reply to #17)

Gullable1

Yay

Good call

#8 Jul 8 - 11AM

girlsinger

can I save her, should I try?

Hi precious One "Can I save her, should I try?" wow I wish that someone would have taught me earlier what I know in the marrow of my bones.. now... I beleive that this statement is behind all who have suffered at the hand of the 'disordered One" WE CAN NOT "SAVE" ANYONE, and should avoid "trying" at all costs we CAN inspire, encourage, inform WE CANNOT "SAVE" ANOTHER PERSON!! but day by day slowly and carefully and with huge amounts of self-care we can lovingly, save ourselves... that is what is in "our power" to do and it takes all we have to do it we DONT have the time or the ability to save anyone else ever how I wish someone would have taught me that years ago but thats ok I know it now..it is embedded in my soul now I shutter to think of how many more years I would have wasted thinking otherwise be blessed K

#9 Jul 8 - 10AM

fatbabe

My exN's OW contacted me when we were not divorced yet

Sh wanted info..sound as if sincere..said she was conned too...and that she ( a whore) have been giving xN money as he told her that he had given me & kids all his money. told me xN stole her bracelet..etc etc,,ask me to help her get it back...end up..after all I have said (the trut)..she went against my wish and xN's family's wish to bail him out of jail...causing more upheaval..and what myself & the family thought a chance for him to "wake up" during time spend in jail... my advice...hear what she wants..if its juz asking you to back off...as your N could be telling her that you are the one hankering after him..dun feed her too much info...

#10 Jul 8 - 8AM

dabussard

Sparrow

I contacted my N's Ex Wife a few weeks ago. It helped me tremiously. I needed to hear that he treats everyone the way the he treated me. I needed the come to Jesus talk and she did just that... It may be what she needs to get away from him!

#11 Jul 8 - 8AM

Used

SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE

SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE SAVED...SHE WANTS INFO....WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN SOMEONE ANY MORE...WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM... IF YOU SPEAK TO HER IT WILL SET YOU BACK..

#12 Jul 8 - 10AM (Reply to #11)

really

I agree w/ Used completely.

I agree w/ Used completely. She's looking for info AND it WILL set you back to even think about discussing it. I ran into a mutual friend several weeks ago. N has been out of my life for 18mos or so. She hadn't heard him mention me, so asked me what happened and also about some of his abnormal/selfish behaviors. The exercise of even trying to figure how to explain some of what went on is awful. There's the issue of whether or not you can trust they won't use the info against you or with him. And then there's the wondering if you said too little or too much. Then there's reliving and rehashing all of it all over again. Then there's the awkwardness the next time you run into that person. In my case, she brought up another odd behavior of his and I don't really care to hear any more about him at all - good or bad! It's just too hard. I can understand why you would want to say something, but really feel it's not worth putting yourself through it. She's going to do what she wants to do regardless.

#13 Jul 8 - 10AM (Reply to #12)

Sparrow

I will see what direction she

I will see what direction she is going and determine whether or not to respond. Believe me, if it was narc #1's OW I wouldn't recriprocate, she was a man stealer, she's on her own..........narc #2's OW had no idea about me. We will see. I will keep you posted for sure!

#14 Jul 8 - 8AM (Reply to #7)

Gullable1

Yes!

Agreed, step away from the car wreck.... Keep driving.

#15 Jul 8 - 10AM (Reply to #8)

spinning

I agree, as well

with Used, Really and Gullible. It is engaging with the disordered one. Who cares? For me personally, I engaged with a mutual friend twice since the Nov. D & D and with his ex once (in December) and it was always, always a set back. I now ignore the ex's emails. I no longer associate with anyone associated with him. My life is better now than I could have ever, ever dreamed at 8 months out. When you dismiss them and all they're attached to you make room for GREAT, BEAUTIFUL things to enter your life. This is the truth. It is happening to me. I send you good vibes for peace of mind and healing. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. I REFUSE TO EVER AGAIN. THE SICK MF'ER IS DEAD. NEVER REALLY EXISTED ANYWAY.

spinning

#16 Jul 8 - 11AM (Reply to #10)

girlsinger

excellent post , spinning

Hi "when you dismiss them and all they're attached to, you make room for GREAT BEAUITFUL things to enter your life" well said, spinning yes, because they themselves are so "disordered' the lives they live are 'disordered" the people in thier wake are "disordered" thier very "vibration" is one of CHAOS and UPSET sometimes we forget how beauitful and what a gift it is just to be alive when we are with the N because the N keeps us "engaged " in thier "orbit" remember its is a choice, to pull the plug, to disengege just imagine what beauty awaits you! be blessed K

#17 Jul 8 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

Used

LOVELY POST SPINNING AND 100%

LOVELY POST SPINNING AND 100% AGREE..TO BE AWAY FROM THE NARCS IS GOOD TO BE AWAY FROM ANYONE ASSCIOATED WITH THEM IS EVEN BETTER..I BELIEVE THIS HELPED ME HEAL..THAT SAID I SAW A PAL OF HIS THE OTHER DAY...BUT YOU COULD TELL I WAS MAKING HIM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.... I SEE SO CLEARLY NOW...WHO AND WHY I LET THESE PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE...AND FOR ME THAT HAS BEEN HALF THE BATTLE....GOOD LUCK AND HAPPINESS TO YOU SPINNING YOU SOUND GOOD...LOVE USEDXX

#18 Jul 8 - 8AM

Gullable1

Run!

Run! This isnt your problem, this ish will rope you in. Go get a bloody Mary and press delete!

#19 Jul 8 - 8AM

SusieSwizzle

Hmmmm

I think you should direct her to this website, or to Sam Vaknins....let her know that she should read that first, and then get back to you if shes really serious about chasing her 'man''s exs around for the truth...IMO...Good luck~

#20 Jul 9 - 7AM (Reply to #3)

enpsychopedia r... (not verified)

Good idea. This "they made

Good idea. This "they made their beds now let them lie in it runs counter to everything we should have taken away from our experience. The most damaging aspect of my relationship with narc was not being able to cross reference his behavior with anyone else. How are you ladies not becoming more narcissistic yourselves? There is way too much group think going on here.

#21 Jul 9 - 6PM (Reply to #4)

Susan32

Cross referencing

And it was unintentional! There was a class at my college I decided to take, comparative religion, turned out it happened to be taught by the ex-Psych prof's ex-BOYFRIEND. Talk about EPIC AWKWARD. It wasn't that I had sought him out. I was interested in the material. The ex-boyfriend thought the ex-P was evil;the ex-P wrote off the ex-boyfriend as "a man scorned." I think the ex-boyfriend felt duty bound as a teacher to warn me. However, I didn't warn the ex-P's girlfriend because she CHOSE to change jobs to be with him, she CHOSE to move in with him. As a student, I was at a disadvantage. Despite the fact she literally worked down the street from me... warning her was NOT an option. It wouldn't have worked. She was too much in love, I could tell. She swooned over the thought of marrying a philosopher. I wasn't going to go *THERE.* It was out of bounds for me to warn her. If she had ASKED, that would've been another matter. She was a decade my senior;I don't think my experience would've mattered to her. She might've been a Narc, so she might've relished it.

#22 Jul 8 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

Sparrow

Good idea.........Thanks. I

Good idea.........Thanks. I am curious to see what she has to say also. Don't know wht.....guess it's a bit of "morbid curiosity"

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