Considering the Narc "Dead"???

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jan 25 - 3PM
loveisallthereis
loveisallthereis's picture

Considering the Narc "Dead"???

Hello fellows,
So... I have read that when dealing with accepting how important NC is with the N, it is sometimes helpful to think of the N as dead or as a toxic drug (like heroine or something else. I pick heroine because my uncle died of an overdose of it) that I will never be able to pick up/have a relationship with again for the sake of staying alive. Has this worked for any of you ? I find myself feeling so sad and often battling feelings of confusion and flat out cognitive dissonance. I know I do not miss the anxiety that came from wondering if he was going to return my calls/texts, get upset at my request that he consider my feelings etc. However, I do keep coming back to this place of wondering if I could ever have him in my life again. He mentioned that he wanted to "be friends" when we were breaking up. I have been told that N's dont have "friends" like emotionally healthy people have friends. And there is a lot of evidence to support that with the xN. He in fact, once befriended a man who he thought was going to invest millions of dollars in his company and once that "friend" decided not to make the investment, the xN discarded him and told me that he only was hanging out with him to secure the money. I have also seen him rage at his friends for the smallest reasons and not return phone calls from people he claimed to be closest with because he did not want that person to think they could "reach" him "whenever they want". And still, I want to believe that there is good in everyone and its hard for me to put a human in the category of a "drug" or envision a person as dead that I know full well, is alive. I am aware that this may be part of the process of grief? Maybe I am in denial ....

Jan 31 - 4PM
terri
terri's picture

I say do whatever works for

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Jan 30 - 9PM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

I didn't think of my ex as

Jan 30 - 8PM
Garden
Garden's picture

Loveisallthereis, I tried

Jan 26 - 1PM
Lacey
Lacey's picture

Yup, you're in denial

Jan 26 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
loveisallthereis
loveisallthereis's picture

Thump, that was my head

Jan 26 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
Lacey
Lacey's picture

I'm glad

Jan 26 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
ForeverFreedom
ForeverFreedom's picture

Lacey's response is wonderful.

Jan 27 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
thebigpayback
thebigpayback's picture

AMEN! to that. and i too

Jan 25 - 5PM
lessonlearned
lessonlearned's picture

i did this

Jan 29 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
Not-this-time
Not-this-time's picture

luv this lesson learned. I've

Jan 30 - 4AM (Reply to #4)
loveisallthereis
loveisallthereis's picture

being nicer

Jan 25 - 4PM
Tori
Tori's picture

For me, the drug analogy is