Compliments..

I am all those things as well. He'd tell me that all the time. Sometimes just outright tell me that and then sometimes as a "joke". He'd cut me down in front of others as if he was telling a joke. I'd later tell him that I found his "joke" distasteful or mean. So then he'd add one more to the list and tell me "You are too insecure and don't know how to take a joke." He'd say "That's just me being the funny guy, can't you just let me be me instead of trying to control me?" ICK! They are just jerks.

Sorry to go off on my own thing. Emma, you are none of those negative things. I hope you fully know that. These men do have issues with giving compliments. I don't think they want us to feel very good about ourself.

Yup. I always wonder why he doesn't automatically see good traits in me like healthy people notice in others. His verbal abuse used to tear me up inside, I'd cry for days, call in sick to work. Plead with him to lay off and get help for his anger and verbal abuse. I fell into deep depression. Then it was like wait a minute, I don't have to believe this garbage! No one in my life has ever said such horrible things about me. It wasn't true at all. Crawling out of the hole I was in, I realized more and more, He feels all those horrible qualities within himself and certainly doesn't want to acknowledge good in anyone else that he doesn't have so he will curse you, like try to cast a spell on you! He doesn't hurt me anymore, and he knows it, which is great. It's to the point where I laugh when he calls me names. I imagine him as a little kid dressed up in a fairy outfit holding a magic wand and zinging at me, "b&^%$!" (his thoughts: nope she still there looking sweet and caring, let me try again) "stupid" (no she's still there and appearing more intelligent than ever, let me try again) and so on and so forth. HE WILL NEVER PREVAIL! I AM GOLD AND I AM STRONG...and he's just a little boy in a fairy suit. I have compassion for him as I would a child. That's it.

were just another means of his control and manipulation. I was long distance from mine for the first half of our relationship. During the idealization phase I was beautiful, sweet and once said I was smart. Once I moved, the compliments were almost non-existent. In fact, the name calling escalated and he began to criticize me, my makeup, my nail polish, my outfit... Once I had on a cute, sweat suit which I got compliments on from others. The hoodie (he said I was ghetto for saying that word) had a heart-shaped zipper and he had complimented it in a photo long distance. He looked at it and said, "What are you wearing, pajamas?" We weren't going anyplace, and in fact just hanging out and working in a grimy area. In the beginning, he loved my voice, in the end he said, "I can't stand your voice." I read a song he wrote for his last ex-wife saying he complimented her "hot ass" and some sexual stuff. It bothered me, bc he surely never complimented me like that. I sometimes wonder about that, bc she was older and was financially well-off. He said he didn't love her initially, and there was no passion. In person, he NEVER said I was beautiful, except in the d&d (strange I know...but he was saying I'm beautiful but a bitch). The only compliments I remember while there were my lips (and that was around his dad) and a tank top I was wearing from a cheapie store. This, after many times dressing up in more glamorous dresses and outfits, made up etc. Wtf? Also, not to brag, but I was way better looking and fitter than all his ex-wives. Go figure?? I think it probably doesn't matter what they say. They're disordered, and it's all scrambled eggs. Lol xoxo

My ex hardly ever outright called me bad names though. He would belittle me in subtle ways and make "jokes" about me being "the woman" or about him being smarter than me

My ex hardly ever complimented me. And when he did it was a sexual compliment 99% of the time such as "you have the nicest ass" "ur hot" "ur the hottest girl Ive ever been with". He rarely complimented my personality or said I was "beautiful", it was always "hot". And when he did say sweet things it was usually when he was drunk (where he would POUR on the affection, when he wasnt yelling at me), or he would say something nice but in a straight faced, matter of fact kind of way. Not with any loving gestures or anything. I really feel like he was afraid to build up my self esteem. He once said "I dont think you know how hot you are - its probably a good thing". As if it would be detrimental to him if I wasnt self conscious. Dick

in the honeymoon phase! I was so smart, so beautiful, so strong, had such a great body, such magnetic eyes bla bla. I'm sure he told OW the exact same things right down to: "When I look into your eyes, I feel like everything is ok... even when it's not (tears)" I am now a psycho bitch who pressured him into leaving his gf, spread evil rumours about him and made his life hell.

He would compliment me quite often but only during moments where he was hoovering or when he was horny and wanted something from me. I am also: the only person on this earth who gets him in a bad mood! (his words)

My x used to tell me my eyes were bloodshot as well.I don't smoke weed, drink or even smoke. I had to look at my eyes a few times just to be sure, and they were not bloodshot at all. I think he was hallucinating to be honest. As far as compliments, sometimes I'd get the nicest and sometimes the creulest, and sometimes they were mixed together in one comment.

My mother used to put me down using the same names. Yes, yes it does make you look at yourself, and wonder why you aren't enough, and what you can do to be enough to be deserving of praise and love, and compliments. Which primed me, to miss the red flags, when exN came around with his sad sap story, and full-on love bombing. Bleck!

Mine called me all those exact things. I got very few compliments. He always told me what I was doing wrong, what to wear, when I should or shouldn't wear makeup. How to dress, how to act. UGH! He did not even allow me to have my own thoughts, feelings, or opinions (my thoughts, feelings and opioins were always wrong and he let me know) He had me so confused every single day I didn't know who I was anymore. I started to really believe all those things.

It's all a part of tearing down your self esteem and self confidence and making you a more vulnerable target for further manipulation. If he can convince you that you are "sub par" or somehow damaged then you will be less likely to have the confidence to see the truth and leave. Not Nice!

He said i looked like a younger Bette Middler,and he doesn't like her,he said..

All of the above,then 2 hours later he would tell me that my Make up looked lovely,asked if my eyebrows were artificial made or natural(i really do have natural eyebrows but they look as if i came from the beauty parlor)Pay attention:my MAKE UP look lovely not me.But one day i came to visit with a taxi and brought some pecan pie....Oh he said ,you must be spending a fortune in taxis fro your hotel,then to the Deli and then over here....i said no,only 10 dollars with tip...well that's cheap,but a looking good woman like you get everything from any taxi driver or man...2 hours later i was old,ugly,fat and common...to fuck me he said was gross...and he had to think about something else in order to fuck me...

It doesn't matter how he see's you. How do you see yourself? That is what s important. Bgirl is correct, the words he said to you are in reality, how he sees himself. Know who you are, and know what you are deserving f. No one deserves to have such horrible things said to them. There is only one word to describe this person, and that is ABUSIVE.

He's looking at you and seeing himself...