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COMPARE THE HEALTHY REASONS FOR SEX

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#1 Dec 5 - 10PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

COMPARE THE HEALTHY REASONS FOR SEX

NORMAL SEX/NARCISSIST SEX

LOYALTY POWER
LOVE DOMINATION
TRUST EGO
CLOSENESS INFLUENCE
HONESTY LEADING
RESPECT MANIPULATION
HAPPINESS DARING
PERVERSE

I took these lists under another post and put them side by side. Many of us have expressed how our sexuality has been damaged from the relationship with our Narcissist/Psychopath. Some of us have stated that they wanted to watch us have sex with other men or women while they watched and or participated, not only with their side flings but also their partners, wives and or girlfriends included. There is nothing loyal, loving, trusting, respectful from someone who enjoys this type of sex. Furthermore there is no closeness, nor genuine happiness that can be long term from a relationship with someone who wants sex for power, domination, ego, influence, perversity, and manipulation. I for one during intimacy never felt a loving kiss, embrace, OR RESPECTFUL flattery during lovemaking. I was told I had an ass made for F---ing, a p---y that he would enjoy seeing TWO dicks in at the same time, how he enjoyed my ass slapping against his balls, my breasts were referred to as "tits", as Barbara has stated just a warm body with a hole is all they cared about. Then I ask myself why for one minute did I ever think the OW got the best of him? Why I would feel rejected for him choosing someone else over me? Do we imagine them in front of a warm fireplace sharing feelings and bonding and loving exchanges? I fear its more like, "hop on baby or suck my d--k. I further ask myself is it love for your partner to want to watch another man have sex with you, let alone respect? Crazy as this sounds I have asked several men that are close friends if they could ever watch their wives engage in such sexual practices and all of which replied, NO F'N WAY it would tear me apart to witness such a thing. Our Narcissists say oh they are just insecure, or insanely jealous or prudes, or no fun, but the truth of the matter is its a cover up to hide the fact they feel no love or connection to the partners they are with to allow such an act to have no effect on them. The sexual damage we sustained was the exposure to a person with no moral ethics to the extreme, they have no moral ethics because they are simply unable to love and bond with any partner, same concept that applies to how they can discard partners they have been with for years and years without a second thought, their lack of bonding sexually with ANY partner is a true testimony to how they also leave them without so much as a thought. This should be proof NOBODY has any meaning to them the way we place value with our partners in our lives. How can they be so evil you ask? How can they throw us out after all we did for them you ask? The fact they have the capacity to do this is evil and non human to us, but normal for them simply because of what they lack. I have cried a river of tears during the course of the past three years because I wanted someone that was pathological to love me, it was never anything that we lacked, in fact it was more all the great things we possessed that they were intrigued with. I no longer see myself as his whore, that is who HE sees everyone as. I believe the sexual damage can be overcome and healed by remembering the trusting and loyal relationship we have always wanted

Dec 6 - 9AM
Monica
Monica's picture

They cannot love they cannot give affection

Cynthia..I don't know how else things can be with an N other than the way yours was with you, mine was with me, considering that they are dead inside and cannot feel or experience love, give or even accept or understand the concept of affection, they cannot care about how another person feels or how their own actions (or inactions) affect another person. Feelings and emotions are totally foreign to them because they cannot experience them. Everything is "primal" for them. They know they have to eat and have sex, both survival instincts. They want to accumulate "objects" because objects demand nothing of them, they are only there to please the N and care for his primal "needs" and make him look and seem important. They lie because it serves their purpose, which is to serve themselves, and they can't even comprehend that lying is "bad" or "wrong." They probably don't even have the ability to discern "bad" and "good" the same way you and I - healthy, normal human beings - discern them. For an N, bad is whatever does NOT serve their needs, good is all that which does serve their needs and lets them move ahead and be important and powerful and in control. "Survival of the fittest." Darwinism on speed. They are sick, disordered, wired wrong in the brain, incapable of putting any other human being before themselves in any situation, unless it serves their own need! And they are unfixable. If watching another woman be f*cked by two men at once turns the N on to the max, gets him off like never before, then that is what he WANTS and he will go to any length to get what he wants. He is not even capable of even considering how it would make YOU feel, how it would degrade YOU, affect YOU. He wants it, he needs it, he must have it and he will try to get it. Nothing else matters, no one else matters. And it is so damned hard for us to comprehend that kind of evil, let go and move on.
Dec 6 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

MONICA

If watching another woman be f*cked by two men at once turns the N on to the max, gets him off like never before, then that is what he WANTS and he will go to any length to get what he wants. BINGO!!!!! That is the whole agenda mine had for me since his first hello, two men, two women, couples, whatever, its all the same sick immoral degrading, encounters he seems to get off on, I bet he wouldnt have ED if I had given him that on a regular basis huh? FURTHERMORE, "HE WILL GO TO ANY LENGTH TO GET WHAT HE WANTS", Monica I think about that can you just image how the whole thing would be orchestrated? My counselor told me to imagine it, imagine him screwing another woman while she is doing her thing to you orally, (ISH) then imagine watching him have sex with another woman while another man is having sex with you at the same time in the same bed, then switching all four of you could watch each other have sex, he would just go from hole to hole and he would also make sure he would diddle a bit with the man thinking it would turn you on, my counselor said I know you are in pain from the betrayal but is that what you want to do with this man? Watch him engage in sex with others in front of you? A 54 year old mature man who is nothing but a sexual predator who promised you a normal life with him, pretended he loved you and that you were very special to him, like you said they will go to any length to get what they want, its his drug, his fix, his addiction. He sizes every potential victim up, loves the ones looking for love, and who are unhappy, he thought if he could dangle promises in front of me I could be easily brainwashed into participating in this sick addiction he must sustain in order live, their survival depends on it like any addiction. I cant tell you how many times he said, God I want to watch you with another woman and another man F--k you so bad, here is some money go out a scout and bring someone back for us, you will get someone fast you are beautiful, classy, go have some drinks get them relaxed and bring back some stupid whore that we can just f--k the shit out of then kick her out. This is a man I LOVED? Well of course I loved the front man, he was a sex junkie playing me to get his fix. He didnt care how his betrayal hurt me, his sick addiction over rides his concern for others never stopping to think how I suffered from his horrible betrayal he did to my life. I can pass easily on the sick sex he wanted from me but its not so easy letting go how I was played and conned and emotionally raped by a fraud, what is even scarier is how many women have done this for him and after he is done with them after they have participated in all this they are dumped in the end anyway. He will never see me degrade myself in such a manner I at least walked away with my moral dignity in that respect, so in that respect I WON, HE LOST. I am sure he has lost many good women with his little act, I am just one of MANY. Its evil to the core and I can let go of the evil person but it will take me a long time to recover from running into a psychopath in my life and the intended and planned damage he inflicted.
Dec 6 - 7AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

Personally, I don't know if I'll ever be 100% recovered in any area relationship wise. But I don't consider myself permanently damaged. I won't let my ex get the better of me like that ~ he's already tried to defeat my spirit, no more chances for him or anyone to do that again. Going forward, after being honest with ourselves and knowing we've had enough healing to even DATE, I think taking things slowly is ALWAYS the best policy. I still consider myself an N magnet, and not nearly ready to 'put myself out there' ~ it's been less than a year since my break-up. The right guy will wait for intimacy, not be pushy, and respect your feelings. From what I've read about some women entering new HEALTHY relationships, they seem to be surprised at the ease of everything compared to being with an N. I think it takes time to learn to relax and enjoy the fact that it IS possible to have a healthy relationship again.