Co-parenting with an N

Co-parenting with an N is extremely difficult and things are no always clear cut. As a parent the N has a right to have access to his/her children so unless there is proof of negligence or harmful behaviours it is very difficult to get the N out of our children's lives unless you are in the fortunate position of having them with an N who decides to walk away and discard his children too. Even the latter still hurts the children through absence.

In my case the N is a nightmare but my children have a step mother who they love dearly and a baby sister. I have managed to set boundaries to protect the girls when he has hurt them and they are learning to set their own. I am negotiating now that they will from now on spend less time over there, 2 nights a week instead of 3 or 4. I have got the N to commit to a parenting course for separated parents - not that this will change him in anyway. I am going to insist he resumes financial contributions.

Setting boundaries, being there for our kids and allowing them full expression of their emotions, helping them to lower their expectations of the N parent and modelling healthy behaviours are the best we can do - oh and continuous compromise! Hopefully our children will grow into healthy adults who can handle difficult people because we have shown them how and their N parent has given them continuous practice!

Good luck to all of us who tread this difficult path of co-parenting with an N.