Co-dependent

Hi not been here for a while as I thought I was "getting it" but clearly wasn't. Lol. I've been trying to work more on myself and discover what it was that I thought kept leading me back into his grasp and I came across this article about co-dependency.

Domestic Violence
Co-dependent or abused

For years victims of domestic violence have been labeled co-dependent. The following is a set of characteristics of a co-dependent as offered by Co-Dependents Anonymous, compared with the reality of a woman who is abused.

CO-DEPENDENT: I take responsibility for others' feelings and/or behaviors.

ABUSED: I am held responsible for my abuser's feelings and/or behaviors.
CO-DEPENDENT: I feel overly responsible for others' feelings and/or behaviors.

ABUSED: For my safety, I must be aware of my abuser's feelings and/or behaviors.
CO-DEPENDENT: I have difficulty expressing my feelings.

ABUSED: If I express my feelings, I jeopardize my safety.
CO-DEPENDENT: I have difficulty in forming and/or maintaining close relationships.

ABUSED: It is dangerous for me to form or maintain close relationships.
CO-DEPENDENT: I am afraid of being hurt or rejected.

ABUSED: Having been hurt and rejected, I am scared of re-victimization.
CO-DEPENDENT: I tend to harshly judge everything I do, think, or say, by someone else's standards. Nothing is done, said or thought "good enough."

ABUSED: My abuser harshly judges everything I do, think, or say. Nothing I do is "good enough."
CO-DEPENDENT: I question or ignore my own values to connect with significant others. I value others' opinions more than my own.

ABUSED: My values and opinions are questioned/ignored by my abuser. For my safety I do not express my own opinions.
CO-DEPENDENT: My self-esteem is bolstered by outer/other influences.

ABUSED: My self-esteem is systematically destroyed by my abuser's tactics.

I had started to think I was co-dependent and while yes I may have some co-dependency issues this sums up what happens as a result of abuse. I'm not co-dependent I'm a strong independent woman who has her own values beliefs and opinions which were systematically broken down by an abuser.
My path to recovery has been and still is a long one and getting this man out of my life while protecting the safety of myself and my children has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do and one that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I sadly think that the only real solace and support is from within and from those who have experienced abuse. We are all very brave and strong women because we've had to be.
I still go on with my struggle to free myself and I know the beauty and simplicity of no contact once you truly get it but I like many have to live with the fear of his vengeance
I only wish my narc was one of these who just discarded disappeared and moved on but as yet he hasnt done that. After much manipulation threats and intimidation I have maintained nc again which I see now as a blessing and a chance to heal but I know that he will be back with menacing behaviour again and I will once again fear for our lives
I wish you all strength in your recovery x