CLOSURE & Grieving WHAT IS

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#1 Mar 25 - 12PM
no more an echo
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CLOSURE & Grieving WHAT IS

So much is written here about closure and I'm still pretty
raw from recently pressuring my ex-Narc to get real.
That nanosecond was the miracle I had been praying for-
God allowed a hair-line crack in his otherwise perfect
mask and then I saw his empty soul. Funny how the clarity
can come. (And you can't put the toothpaste BACK in the
tube!)

Anyway, back to closure. I've been thinking these past
weeks why ending it with a Narc is different and why is
it so difficult to move on? While there are many reasons,
I did get insight into myself and here is just one answer:

I was in love with a mirage(one of HIS creation)...get too
close and *POOF*- he's GONE! I was enthralled (this
literally means: to be put or held in slavery/subjugated)
with his (carefully constructed)promises. He had NO INTENTION of honoring me OR his promises!

So, here's my epiphany...What is it that I REALLY miss
about the 'relationship'? The mirage (thing without
substance or reality) that I can't have or even touch? It
keeps moving further as I get closer. Do I miss
his deceptions and false promises? (Those were fabricated
to lead me on and keep me there) Do I miss the
lack of emotional intimacy? The neglect? (Narcs can't 'do
relationships' and can't really get close) No, no, no!

So what is it that I THINK I have lost? When I understand
that there was no WHOLE person (ex-Narc) there to love
and I see how truly messed up he is, I feel a sense of relief and gratitude. Relief that there are answers to why I couldn't connect in a healthy way to this person. Relief that the confusion is gone. Relief that I am NO LONGER his emotional hostage (and he is STUCK with himself!) Relief that I am using my gifts and energies in more positive ways. Relief that I get an opportunity to work on my life and myself.

For me, it is so much easier to grieve what he TRULY is than what I THOUGHT I had. What is he? Empty. Cruel.
Punishing. Self-hating. Self-righteous. Misogynistic.
Hypocritical. Lying. A predator. An emotional vampire.
A cad. An opportunist...

I could go on but I'm sure you get the point... When you
'miss' your Ex-Narc, you can help me add to this list!

Oct 29 - 5AM
Canada
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I rarely think about him

Oct 28 - 7PM
tresor2
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Love is Love

Oct 29 - 6PM (Reply to #41)
IncognitoBurrito
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Good points

Oct 30 - 7AM (Reply to #45)
neverlookback
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mmmm

Oct 29 - 7PM (Reply to #42)
Canada
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Now that's one Burrito with

Oct 29 - 8PM (Reply to #43)
IncognitoBurrito
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Yummy!

Oct 30 - 4AM (Reply to #44)
Canada
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Yeah, the only thing that

Jul 5 - 3PM
Sickofhim
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To add to list:

Jul 4 - 11PM
neverlookback
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Echo

Nov 13 - 6AM (Reply to #38)
transcend
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Questions

Transcend

Jul 4 - 6PM
indenial
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I love this post

Jul 4 - 12PM
MeeMee72
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amazing

Jul 4 - 2PM (Reply to #34)
no more an echo
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Yes...this IS fun! Thanks for playing along!

Jul 4 - 6PM (Reply to #35)
MeeMee72
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very clever no more an echo

Jul 4 - 12PM (Reply to #31)
beautifulmess
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Awsome post. I am not missing

Jul 4 - 2PM (Reply to #32)
no more an echo
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beautifulmess

Jul 4 - 3PM (Reply to #33)
Reason2Believe
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Yep

Apr 7 - 1AM
bgirl
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You are right..I think the

Mar 29 - 4PM
knighty2035
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Do you wonder

Oct 29 - 5AM (Reply to #28)
NoMoreFreakBoy
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Very true

Apr 1 - 5AM (Reply to #27)
no more an echo
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now it's all about us

Mar 29 - 10AM
julesuk
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Just sand

Jul 4 - 4PM (Reply to #25)
nymphofthewoods
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...and nothing but sand for miles.

Apr 4 - 12PM (Reply to #20)
no more an echo
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just poke me in the eye

Jul 4 - 2PM (Reply to #23)
nymphofthewoods
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Such a beautiful, warm, sunny

Jul 4 - 2PM (Reply to #24)
no more an echo
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nymphie...so glad i could help!

Jul 4 - 9AM (Reply to #21)
Jenna H
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yes, let's not romanticize!

Jul 4 - 10AM (Reply to #22)
no more an echo
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There's no place like home...

Mar 28 - 9PM
Cabo
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Perfect summary

Mar 28 - 9PM
Ophelia
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Beautifully written, no more