Clarity

My goodness… I am in a very different mental state compared to last year. Today is my birthday, and I am a year older! I have learned a lot thanks to this website opening my eyes up to a whole new world. That situation I was in was life changing in so many ways. I am now and successfully weeding out all the negative crap in my life. Yes, it is lonely at times but, slowly and surely I am learning to value my self-worth. I still have a long ways to go but, I am no longer attached to the person who brought me here. That doesn’t mean I have reached complete indifference but, it means I don’t ache, obsess, spin, wonder, cry, or miss him anymore in any shape, way or form. I have not one ounce of respect for him, and probably never will. I may never reach indifference, and I accept that. I accept that I have a choice to never allow someone to bring me down as low as he did. And he brought me very, very low. I look back at those times once in a while, and cry for myself and the pain I allowed. I don’t cry anymore because I miss him. I cry because I finally, am past the pain, as weird as that sounds. I am working on building my self-esteem DAILY, which actually stems from my child hood. I know I always had low self-esteem and it drove me to the brink of insanity. I can’t change overnight, and I know this aspect of me might take a few years but, at least I know that. And I know the steps to take… thanks to this life saving forum. Everyone is right on here… you have to DO THE WORK!!! And remain NC in allllllllllllllll forms!!!! NC has helped me with ridding myself other toxic relationships in my life, and taking what I have learned from here implementing into all facets of my life. I now know when to leave, and not FIX.

Happy Day!!!
-rebuildingmysoul