Checking In... Feeling uncomfortable

Hello! I just love knowing this site is always here for me.

I am almsst 7 months out with complete NC. Still stunned when I type or say that. I have never EVER gone this long without some form of contact from xN. And he would always stir the pot and I would always take a bite of the same turd.

I still have short bouts of reflection. Not CD anymore. Just thoughts. And they are normally followed by some short fits of pure anger. I dive right in to "oh man - I am gonna find a way to let OW know." or "I am going to get even with him". I guess it may say a bit about my personality. I don't know.

Valentine's day was a just a bit of a trigger. And that was followed by xN birthday and about 3 weeks of me and my boys having the cold and flu that went around our area so I suppose I had all that to contend with.

I also get these feelings of "If I knew when he was getting married, then I would feel better. If I knew where he was living with OW, then I would feel better. If I knew HE changed for her (ie. moved, got job by her etc...) then I would feel better. If I knew SHE had to give it all up for HIM, then I would feel better."

I'm pretty sure I know those answers, and even if I don't or I am wrong, it doesn't matter. What matters is I am free today. He did me a favor by dropping the mask and revealing the piece of shit he really is.

I also have had flashbacks that I didn't have when I started this journey of other events that I am almost positive were lies, that I even looked in to and they were lies, and they just opened the door of realization that he was cheating on me and lieing to me for all but probably the first 8 months we dated.....

It makes me a bit sad still to know I was sucked in to that.

I just wanted to post because it was not near as bad as it has been in the past and I am feeling better all the time. I have very little anxiety over going places and running in to xN. And on the one more occassion that someone was dumb enough to bring it up I was able to respond with how grossed out I was and that I just didn't need that information.

I hope everyone is well, and to the newcomers here, WELCOME. This site probably saved my life and the lives of my two sons. There is a way out. There is freedom, I believe I experience it every day.

Hello to Goldie, Lisa, Hunter, Don Sourcing, D99, Grace, and all my other posting buddies...

The sun is out. We have snow where I live and me and my boys have a 3 day "get out of dodge" planned for some fun in mid-northern Wisconsin towards the end of this week.

round3