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Cheating

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#1 Dec 14 - 2PM
Femmegem
Femmegem's picture

Cheating

Hi everyone,

I have a question: When did you find out he was cheating?

I know mine was Just from instincts but I have no way of proving it.

I am NC for 6 weeks and intend on remaining NC forever! I just dont want to soften thinking he was faithful when he wasn't. My exN was always surrounded by OW but he insisted they were all his best friends!! He told me sexually I was all he wanted but dont believe this at all.

I know he has a new girlfriend but no evidence. Not that it matters but I think if I knew for sure it would aid my recovery

I became very jealous because of his closeness with women and he continuously used that as an excuse to D&D me over the past 2 years. I guess I just want to know for sure so I can face up to how appalling he really was.

Sorry if this is a sore subject for anyone....

Cheers

Femmegem

Dec 16 - 12PM
blueworld
blueworld's picture

Femme

you dont want to know i wish fresh into nc i didnt look at his damn fakebook page i saw him and his ow and all the comments and pics from family and friends that i was so close to in three years we were together it tore me apart seeing the words and mushy shit and seeing them together in pictures he never posted of us on his fakebook it isnt worth it and it is a LIE it is all a lie and it is something that i have to agree ignorance is bliss i erased all profiles and all links and blocked every possible aveune i know in my heart he cheated the whole time i caught him on multiple lies and saw and read multiple texts i knew i knew i just "listened to him" hahahaha but not in the end i broke up with him!!! i sent him to another bloody state!!! he may of d&d'd me on the phone but shit, come on i caught him and through him out of my life out of my state! who won?
Dec 16 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
Femmegem
Femmegem's picture

Thanks to all

For all your responses I am floored by your stories, and yet know full well my exNs secrets will be just as horrific. I Can't believe they can propose marriage whilst seeking others out, how disgusting! I have been looking at fb even though he blocked me and I've been constantly looking up his potential OW to get to get to the truth, but you're all right. I don't need to see that. That stops from today! Blueworld I'm so glad you booted yours to the curb, I really wish I'd done that to mine. You totally won! It's a good point about trusting your instincts too, no-one could understand my insecurity with this wonderful handsome loving man, but its so good getting support from people who understand, I really appreciate this.
Dec 16 - 12PM (Reply to #14)
blueworld
blueworld's picture

Femme

i like to look at it this way there are so many people in this world and he is a piece of shit stuck to my high heels hahahaha
Dec 16 - 9AM
Melba
Melba's picture

Trust your gut

My gut feeling was telling me something was very wrong, but I tried to ignore it (big mistake!) In the beginning I wondered why he would take his cell phone into the bathroom with him. And why his phone was always on silent around me. At other times I would get this really sick feeling in the pit of my stomach (again, my gut was screaming out to me to listen). I found out exN had this whole secret internet life going on (with women online). I was disgusted when I found out, but the brain does some strange things when faced with the truth staring you in the face (literally). So even when I read the conversations with my own eyes, I still could not comprehend the reality of it. My mind became numb. It was too overwhelming to accept, that at the same time he was proposing marriage to me he was constantly sexting women online and degrading me to them. Sick sick man.
Dec 16 - 7AM
Daisyd
Daisyd's picture

My mom always said.....

Trust your gut. A woman's intuition is very strong and you just KNOW something is not right. Mine would take me out for dinner or the movies and NOT want sex. He wouldn't even let me touch him when we got to kissing in the car! I figured out later he was prolly drained from his OW. I imagine because he was in his mid-late fifties it took him longer to 'restock'. He always mentioned other female 'friends'. Had NO male friends. Trust your gut and when you really trust it, like me, you won't need the ocular proof. You will also feel much more rock solid in the decisions you make in the future.
Dec 14 - 4PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Having knowledge of a

Having knowledge of a girlfriend will NOT help in your recovery. Actually quite the opposite. Ask the many members here that are dealing with OW issues. Your best bet is to not lift up any rocks. Leave them where they are!
Dec 15 - 7AM (Reply to #7)
smnp
smnp's picture

Agree with Sparrow. I am

Agree with Sparrow. I am aware of 7, yes SEVEN, OW. Each of us thought we were his girlfriend. Each had a serious relationship with him. At the same time. It disgusts me to really think about it. Did he even clean himself off before sleepig with me on the same night? It hurts. Horribly so. And each time some new tidbit of information comes to light, I die a little inside. Each time it is another dagger in my heart. You know. Deep down, you already know. And that is enough pain. You don't need more. S.
Dec 15 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
ReclaimingPower
ReclaimingPower's picture

Ouch

I won't drag you through the same details of discovery hell I went through when I started to look, but every time I found validation, I actually was overcome with physical dizziness and nauseau -- it was THAT palpable. The search brings a new level of depravity and torture into the game....and then you add the horror of realizing you'd better get your ass into the gynocologist's office to be sure you didn't catch anything. You just don't know. When I got my results, it at least closed one open door of fear for me. it's soooo hard but truly Love yourself; try to resist... Sending strength....
Dec 15 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
ReclaimingPower
ReclaimingPower's picture

posted twice

sorry, posted twice!
Dec 14 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Femmegem
Femmegem's picture

Yeah I know you're right.

Yeah I know you're right. Thank you.
Dec 14 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
TNR1
TNR1's picture

I have to agree with

I have to agree with Sparrow....oftentimes, knowledge of "someone else" leads to negative comparisons and obsessive thoughts. Best to leave that topic alone and focus on recovery.
Dec 14 - 2PM
Femmegem
Femmegem's picture

Cheers

I sure will Hunter. Thanks USED, I thought as much. I am beginning to understand the disorder, but still shocking at how sneaky they are.
Dec 14 - 2PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

This isn't about Cheating..

This isn't about Cheating.. This is about a sick disordered mind.. To get over this you need to understand what makes a narc tick.. Triangulation .. Is part of the Game.. Get Lisa's book "all about him" it is a aide to the Path Forward.. Knowledge is Power.. Hunter
Dec 14 - 2PM
Used
Used's picture

femmegem

HE went to a social club, and asked[and got] her phone number...2 days later, i saw him he said, i went to the club[i had met him there as well], i said oh same same people as always SO HE SAID YEAH YA KNOW..... SO I SAID SO YOU DIDNT GIVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO A WOMEN NAMED XXXXX, HE SAID GET OUT OF MY HEAD[THE WOMEN WAS WITH A FRIEND I KNEW WELL] WHEN SHE WAS DESCRIBING HIM, I KNEW IT WAS NARC.... THREE YEARS LATER THIS XXXXX, CAME AND TOLD ME THEY HAD BEEN IN R/S FOR ALL THE TIME I HAD BEEN WITH HIM[IT WAS THE WOMEN FROM THE CLUB]...I HAD KNOWN HIM 2.1/2 MNTHS.... AND HE WAS LYING TO ME FROM THE GET-GO...THE NEXT YEAR HE DISAPPEARED FOR 5 MNTHS[ HE HAD A BREAKDOWN...NOT] HE WAS LIVING WITH SOMEONE....THAT BROKE UP HE WENT BACK WITH NAME.......I AM NO DUMMY, BUT I DIDNT KNOW ANY OF THIS TILL RIGHT AT THE END.....THERE IS LOADS MORE, BUT I AM SURE YOU GET THE PICTURE....