Changed my number...

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#1 Feb 11 - 9AM
star17
star17's picture

Changed my number...

i changed my number and i woke up feeling allot of anxiety. Everything inside me wants to call him :( I feel so pathetic!

Feb 11 - 12PM
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hey Star

If I were there with you, we would go for a jog, go get coffee and then thrash the living hell out of that Peter Pan. I know just what you are feeling. When he 1st dd me I would wake up in the morn with heart palpitations and the shakes. It's been a few months for me. Believe me when I say that if you work the program, you will get better. I didn't change my number, but blocked his and any of his cronies that I thought might try to get thru on his behalf. I deleted him from FB & skype. Could not change my e address as I use it for business. He's e mailing me "I understand if you don't want to talk. I really do care about u. I want to be friends. And can you at least acknowledge me." blah..blah..blah. When i am really lonely for him I take out my list of all the shitty things he did to me and ask myself. Is this what I want again? NO. I deserve better and you Star deserve better too. Hugs to you. Let's think of a name for the lil shit so we can have a laugh at his expense. I call mine "tick dick"
Feb 11 - 9AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

star17

You are a lot stronger than I am, he changed his number on me 3 years ago when he moved out of state and i had my first panic attack in the early morning hours. i still have some letters of his that i have not thrown out, they are in a closet , I will shred them with my therapist i guess when i am ready,, it is such a long daunting recovery but getting there...........
Feb 11 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
star17
star17's picture

I begged him to change his

I begged him to change his number and he refused...he told me to be a big girl and stop calling him...then told me that i couldn't do it...he was right :(
Feb 11 - 9AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Changing your number isnt

Changing your number isnt always as easy as it would appear to be. You have physically "CUT" yourself off from the world, or at least from the toxic people in your life, and for good reason. But, even though the reasons are good ones, it doesn't make it any easier. What you are experiencing right now is very normal. You have taken another step AWAY from your narc and that is frightening in the beginning. It's an important step to take though, to ensure that you take the necessary measures to keep NC. This feeling will pass. It will take a little bit of time to get over the anxiety of knowing that because of an action you put in place, it ensures the narc cant get to you. But how will I know if he is trying or not? That is the question that is holding you down, I am sure. Because we want to know if they are, becasue it validates us. Again, these feelings will pass, I promise you that. The next steps, shredding your emails, deleting your text messages, destroying your pictures, cards, all evidence of them, is painful as well, but necessary. I hated to do it, it hurt like nothing you can imagine, but it had to be done. Stay strong. You took a very big step. A bigger step than you realize. And for that, be very proud of yourself!
Feb 11 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
star17
star17's picture

Thanks Sparrow! I actually

Thanks Sparrow! I actually deleted all his voicemails i had saved and i have no text messages either...i just feel so pathetic...i woke up and wanted to call him so bad but considering he has been ignoring me i know it would do no good...at least this way i know he can't call me even if he wants too and i won't get anymore "accidental calls" where i hear him and his gf talking...my heart is just in pieces today :(
Feb 11 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Your welcome.! You woke up

Your welcome.! You woke up and wanted to call him right away, mainly out of habit. Just like someone who smokes and has quit, they want a cigarette as soon as they wake up, and they start to question whether they want to quit or not, and get anxious. It's normal, very normal. The narc is your addiction, is/was all of ours, but this will pass. The steps you are taking, this early in your journey is amazing, my hat is off to you! :) You are going to go far! Stay dedicated to you!
Feb 11 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Star

You are a star....I know just how that feels, hon he would try and hoover at some point, you have given the power back to yourself so well done you. I know how shit it feels hang on in there x
Feb 11 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
star17
star17's picture

I don't think he will ever

I don't think he will ever hoover me :( it feels horrible and i know we are all in the same boat so i'm not feeling sorry for myself just so hurt and confused. hugs
Feb 11 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Hey

I know how it feels .. the hoover somehow makes you feel wanted yet sucks you back in..it can feel like giving you power back not having the hoover can feel like rejection. changing your number is like cutting your life supply..been there done it..just dont do what I did and buy another sim..you havent stooped as low as me yet hon so use that as a boost :) ..I then had to do it all over again !
Feb 11 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
star17
star17's picture

oh darling snowflake i have

oh darling snowflake i have stooped lower than you can imagine LOL but at least i am trying...correction WE all are trying or we wouldn't be here helping each other. I never let him go long enough to even attempt to hoover me because i am always right there and he knows it...he got me to admit a month ago that i still loved him and he then told me he hoped i did cuz i put my life on hold for him...he hasn't talked to me since :( i'm such a fool!
Feb 11 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Star

They are all Wankers with a capital W. Dont contact him, promise me when you are tempted you must vent here and then wait one hour before texting/calling ok? The beauty of this site is theres always someone here who will make you see sense.. I say an hour because its likely the temptation will have passed by then (until next time). I drunken messaged here and although its a bit embarassing its safe x