Cathartic action

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#1 Sep 11 - 7AM
Redrho70
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Cathartic action

Hello,

I am new to this forum so have not put my story on here as yet but after 11 years of putting up with appauling narc behaviour,knowing it was wrong but not having a name for it..I am so glad I have found this site. I am happy to say I am now fully "wide awake".

Sick of being made out to be a liar, smeared within an inch of my life and touted as being a neurotic female..I used my narcs last hoovering attempts to my own advantage. Some may agree and some may disagree with my actions but for me it gave me back a sense of self esteem, control and respect.

In short, I dumped my narc, yet again, two years ago after years of cyclical abuse and he swiftly moved in with yet another blinkered female. I have two children by him so NC can be difficult at times as I have been forced by the absurd laws in this country to keep the Narc in the boys life despite my knowing and expressing the damage he will do.

Anyway, after the split I was vilified with vengence for months in private and during mediation sessions, but as my narc felt me moving on with my life..in he flew again with " I will always care for you as the mother of my children and I miss the good times we had". Really? I dont remember any!

I had not discovered the disorder at that time so did not know the steps this site advocates yet my soul knew what I needed to do to help me on the road to recovery. I kept all his texts and emails declaring his "love" and desires for booty calls on computer file and when the time was right...sent them all to his new gf at her work address. I explained that he used a "pay as you go" mobile number to contact me so that it couldnt be traced to him and an alternate email address she knew nothing about.

She, of course, after two years had been well groomed by this point and although she took on the fact that he had cheated, proceeded to blame me for allowing it to happen and attacked me on my parenting (which I have been doing completely alone and in the face of extreme difficulty for 10 years!) He then contacted me crying and saying "what did you do that to ***** for? She looks after the boys and loves them and you repay her by doing this?? I never cheated..you really need help..your obviously mentally ill!!".

Yes, after years of psychological abuse I probably am but do you know what?? I exposed you and you know it and whether your gf believes it or not..god love her, she has been warned which may, hopefully, prevent her from contracting std's from you like I used to and you will know now to stay the F**k away or I will expose you again!!

I can only imagine he has since told her that I sent these texts and emails to myself to "set him up" as they are still together although splitting them up was not at all my purpose. I dont want him. I just want my voice to be heard, my dignity to be restored and a wee smidgen of justice to come my way. I refuse to enable a narc and his behaviour any longer and now I know how to do it.

I have not heard from him since although he has stated he can not have the boys over to stay at present as he has no-where to live (ermm..he is still with her) and he has not been to visit them either ( over 5 weeks). As usual, the boys get dumped when he needs to re-assert himself but I am quite happy for the boys not to have contact. I have tried advising the lawyers of this but they seem to automatically assume mothers take an obstructive stance saying anything to stop fathers access??? I really think family lawyers need to take psychology lessons along with their law degrees, dont you?

However, in retrospect and having found this site, I realise some of you may feel that I have given him negative energy to feed on but for me I see it very differently. By doing this, I have achieved a sense of empowerment and closure. I no longer feel the "victim" and have freed my mind and spirit to move on and heal. I do not advocate these actions for everyone though, as some Narcs may retaliate violently. I, however, know my narc to be the slug he is and do not fear him at all.

I wish you all well and the courage to follow the path which is right for you.

Take care xxx

Sep 11 - 9AM
Redrho70
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Cassia

Sep 11 - 7AM
talktothehand
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Denial

Sep 11 - 7AM
Deidre99
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I understand why you did what

Sep 11 - 7AM
Im_always_fine
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Sometimes the only way to

Sep 11 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
Redrho70
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Thank you both

Sep 11 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
cassia
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Redrho,