My exN just has 2 faces. He is a high functioning one, very highly respected in his profession, good looking, doesnt smoke or drinks excessive, interviewed by mass media enjoys his high life. But he is 100% N and a diagnosed one (that his secret that i discovered). So I agree with the rest. N is without empathy they cant be having half empathy. If thats the case, it should make them normal people. N can survive in society and even be very successful.
But not every jerk is an N either. So he could be just a jerk if u think he doesnt fit in at least 5 of the 9 criteria.
He is so well respected in the community. A leader!!
I remember times now however, when he'd tell me his family didn't respect him. Kids will suck up to him for money - which he provides. The women in his family he feels do not respect men. Geez I wonder why. When we have gotten in a disagreement (over his lying) he has reminded me that he said a long time ago that he does not have a good track record in relationships. (another red flag maybe?)
narc acted totally normal at world and to people who saw him in a public environment, but to me and those close to him, he was a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, like Journey said, you can only keep the mask on for so long and can you imagine how exhausting and tedious it must be to put on a false persona.there is no such thing as 50% narc, he is totally personality disordered, even with some decent qualities, like someone long time ago said, if they were monsters from the start we would have all gone out running screaming into the woods!!!!!!!!!!!!
in denial. When they read off all the traits, they sit there and say "Oh but he doesn't have THAT ONE", Or "Ohhh he's only got one or TWO, whew! Well that's not so bad!"
That is denial. I use to think the same about my psychopath. He can't be a psychopath because he likes being MARRIED and wants to be FAITHFUL...he didn't have the sexual deviancy that many women describe, I never saw an addiction to porn.
But he showed every single other trait: Lack of remorse, guilt, empathy, shallow affect of emotions, unusual fragmented behavior, alcoholic, cheater, liar, manipulator...the list is endless.
He doesn't have to have them all to be toxic. Even one that is consistent in trait, is enough to destroy a relationship. If you really believed it was ok to have 50% narc traits, you wouldn't be here asking this question if something about him wasn't toxic
When you say he has normal traits? Narcs act normal during part of their day. Most of them function in the world to some extent if they are not raging addicts and have no job. The rest of them function. They call them the snakes among us. They wear a mask. I think I need more information to answer your question. What is so normal about him aside from the lying and cheating?
Even if he wasn't a real narc as you are wondering. He still lies to you and cheats on you. What else do you need to know in terms of whether or not he is good for you?
God bless,
Goldie
He can be normal at the office and while conducting meetings, etc. Can appear to have empathy for the sick, the needy. Has a good heart when it comes to helping others. He can be very generous to others and considerate of their feelings. This is what throws me for a loop. I don't have proof that he is cheating, only that he has lied. If a N lacks empathy, is he this good of an actor at his job all day?
Or actor to get a sense of how it is done. They "appear" concerned about the homeless, needy, ect.. because it makes them look good. Like the guy who donates 100 dollars to a worthy cause because he has the hot chick on his arm who he is trying to impress and he wants to get laid. What do they call them? Street angels and house devils.
Of course he has to be nice at work and appear to be a team player and playing the game if he wants to keep his job and be considered for advancement and growth of the business.
As for proof that he is cheating. Why does he tell you that he is hanging out with the OW? Sometimes we don't get proof, we just know and just knowing should be enough once you begin to trust your instincts as a woman. We have an inner voice which knows, when we are being lied to, cheated on, and used.
What does your gut tell you about this guy?
God bless,
Goldie
he is PROJECTING on you....he was the one who was ACTING...if you turn everything they say, back to why they have said it...you will find they are telling you who they are and what they are about..!!!!!!
i am not sure what you mean,but here goes..for instance, myexn kept saying to me i hope you are not seeing anyone behind my back....i wasent...HE WAS.....so he was judging me by his behaviour..another was, i got the shakes when i was with him...he said why are you shaking, i said because i have had 5 cups of coffee in only 1 1/2...he said laughing...are you sure you dont drink[alcohol...i dont drink..i am teetotal] ] and you are a secret alchoholic..... HE WAS THE ALCOHOLIC.... i hope that explains it....when they come out with something, totally off the wall....they are the one,s who are doing the things they are accusing us of....
I have seen exactly that! Listen to what they say to you or ask you about you, and you will hear what's going on with them!
Remember, they have basically no feelings of their own, and while they are constantly acting and simply doing what they see other people do in comparable situations, they are completely empty inside and clueless, and we are the 'mirrors' for them. Sometimes I think they say things or ask us questions simply to find out what 'human behavior' is appropriate to fake next.
They may be generous in the outside world just because that usually brings approval (NS) from someone else. And it is so typical that the abuse always only happens in the inside world, in the very intimate relationships.
One can only wear a mask for so long . . .
They are the living dead, and there is no 50% dead!!!
I used to wonder this too, during the year that I tried to push my suspicians aside. But I was reminded that emotional abuse is like rat poison-- 98 percent cornmeal and only 2 percent arsenic-- plenty toxic!
All narcs are narcs 100 % but its weather the show all their psychpathic traites all at once , unlikely unless you have worked them out and they kill you . We are dealing with the mask of sanity , they hide behind it and put on the act of normal behaviour . ie they look after the sweet old woman over the road , they take her home cooked meals and then rob her pension when no ones looking . or they tell you how much they need you and love you but go off with another woman that night . I think if we really saw what they where underneath all the smiles and charm then we would run a mile .
Studies have shown that there is a disconection to the frount part of the brian where we have all the emotions stored thier neruo pathways are dammaged and althought the scientist are at loggaheads as to wether they where born that way or not the fact remains that a psychopths brain and a normal react very diffrently to life ... and it never gets better with age . xx
This is a good question because my N fits a lot of the criteria but there are some things about him that does not. He fits more so then not.
I just think there a varying degrees of it. They may all be a N but some just have a more severe case of it then others. They may not fit every criteria but they should fit most of it. this is what I just read anyhow I am still curious of this myself.
N can be high functioning too
Thanks Sea and OWML
My
I think this is where a lot of women get stuck
What do you mean?
He can be normal
Think politician
Quite simply yes! He CAN be
Journey on...
Funny..
how could i
Used, would you
how could i
They are the living dead!
Thanks, that gives
partial narc
oooooooo, I love this!
All narcs are narcs 100 % but
This is a good question
Pardon my language but it it