Can I ask you all something?

I can see by your question and posts that you hae been in agony and felt overwhelming hurt right now. You asked if this up and down, and all the pain will ever subside. I wanted to write to you to tell you YES...but it will take time. I hate all the damage these guys do..leaving women who were once strong and happy and healthy...brokenhearted, and so many families and children emotionally wounded. They walk away...with a smile...as they blame, critcize and leave us wondering what WE did wrong...and what is wrong with US. It is so hard to understand the concept that it is NOT you, Sweetie! There are countless examples of the brightest, most beautiful and smartest women...who have also been fooled by these types of sick pathetic bast*rd pahtological men. Look at Christie Brinkly's life now and the effect her Narcissist ex-husband had on HER and her children. (perhaps a little like your own story?)...Then there is Sandra Bullock, and well, so many others...so does it make any sense to ask 'what was wrong with THEM?...when the common denominator in all our lives (those of us who have experienced this type of relationship...including YOU)....is that our men were pathological and destructive. You are NOT at fault for his behavior...nor do you have responsibility nor control over anything he says, does...or 'feels'. (not tat they can really *feel* anything but anger and fear of exposure) It is not you Sweetie. It IS HIM!!! It isn't even this OW (you can be sure he has her fooled too. Things aren't as 'nice' and wonderful as they may appear for her...or at least will not be for long!...If she chased after him...and ended up with him...well...perhaps much later you might be laughing your head off about the 'prize' she ended up with...and it would serve her right! If she got involved with him...not knowing about YOU...or at least being told cr*p about you by him...well, you know now how good HE can be at manipulating and putting on a 'show'. When I gt upset, I try to treat myself as I would a dear friend who was going throught the same thing. I sometimes have to force myself to do things for ME...such as taking bubble baths, getting dressed in something that makes me feel pretty or comfortable, going to a movie, going shopping or out for coffee with a girlfriend...and 3 really important things to help you get through this...eat healthy, get at least 8 hours sleep (hard when you are crying or keep waking up from bad dreams for a while...but you need to sleep)...and some sort of exercise. I actually bought myself some of those funny looking walking shoes and walk ALOT...every day. I have not permanently left my pathological BF...but when I DO walk away for good this time...I intend to be looking sexy and healthy this time...he has hurt me so much...I want to leave an impression on him THIS time...let him watch me walk away strong and looking better than any of his numerous OW...with as much confidence as I can muster. What you are going through is normal for the experience and situation. You need alot of support through this with those who understand the nature of a relationship with a pathological person like your ex. A good conselor can help you understand the dynamics of how THEY operate (these freaks with NPD)...and help you see how it affected you and impacted your life so that you can sort it out...understand it was NOT your fault...and that there was nothing you could have done to change the outcome...HE doomed your relationship...NOT you! And a good counselor can help you regain your confidence and self-esteem through this process...which is a key to your recovery. Some people say the things these creatures do to us...the damage...can ruin our lives and is permanent. I don't believe that. Every bit of knowledge you gain in life...about yourself and others...can eventually be used as a tool to navigate your life so YOU know what YOU want...and can make better choices for your own sense of peace and happiness. Now you are better able to identify pathological behaviors in a man...and in a relationship...and avoid them like the plague. I wish too that these sort of lessons were not so painful...but the pain WILL go away one day...and the wisdom you have gained will shine within you where the hurt used to be...("polish up your character" until you shine like a diamond, as my Dad used to say...I didn't like him saying that, thbought it was trite at the time...and that he did not understand,... but he did...and it it true!)Sometimes it hurts like hell becoming a Jewel among gems! xoxo The phase you are in varies with each person in the amount of time it takes to get through...and move on to the next stage...Your anger is GOOD...and actually a healthy reaction to this experience...you seem to also be going through the stages of grief...sometimes we go through ALL the stages at one time it seems...which can overwhelm you. I am SO sorry for your hurt and pain. This too WILL pass. Big Hugs xo Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!

He loves the dilusion of HER not her as a person. Now, you have proved to be the stronger (normal) woman and he can't have that. He needs a dumb bitch that won't need anything in her heart. You have a heart honey and its broken. The day to day things is probably the only thing I would miss and that's sad in itself. I don't know ur entire story but I've read some of your posts. You have supported me in my threads so I know the kind of heart you have! He is not good enough for a gift of your heart. If you were to turn a blind eye and stick around you would be filled with rage and hatred. I'd rather get depressed and move on slowly than be a hater. As far as OW! Well, she will end up in your shoes one day. Keep your head up. Email me anytime!