Calling you by name

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#1 Feb 19 - 4PM

ab683096

Calling you by name

Did any of you have this experience? My N would rarely address me by my name. From the beginning of our relationship I was "baby" or "babe". So strange. I didn't really notice it until we had been together a while. He only used my name when he was introducing me or talking about me.

#2 Feb 21 - 3PM

ichooselife

name

He usually called me honey. If he was calling me by my name, it was because he was trying to get my attn, stress a point, or because he was angry at me. After I had decided to leave the relationship, but was still answering his occasional calls, he always called me by my name and use a cold tone of voice.

#3 Feb 21 - 11AM

Lookonthesunnyside

Yes! He never used my name. I

Yes! He never used my name. I remember one of the rare times he did I actually remarked on it and felt like he was trying to manipulate me in some way..

#4 Feb 21 - 6AM

Maggster

Same name as OW

Turned out that the sweet names my N used for me were also the exact names he used for the OW and probably for all the OW I'm unaware of. Sure makes life easier for them. Well I have a pet name for all the narcs of the world- Pricks!!!

#5 Feb 21 - 12AM

carmie74

Same...I was never called by my name either

Wow I had the same....it was either darl, darling, sweetie, gorgeous....very rarely did he call me by my name. If he was angry with me or I'd caught him out lying he would call me by my name. What's that all about I wonder???

#6 Feb 21 - 11AM (Reply to #23)

Maggster

That's an easy one to answer.

That's an easy one to answer. They do it to avoid confusion with their multiple sources of supply.

#7 Feb 20 - 2PM

walking_on_sunshine

My x pulled a D&D even with

My x pulled a D&D even with nicknames. He took my name and added a suffix to the end of it to make it a cute version of my name in his language/culture. ( a term of endearment ) In the final D&D when I was abused and suicidal he started calling me "honey". Sarcastic, like the way a man would call on a prostitute. eg- listen honey.... He also started using " Hun" which was the way he adressed all other woman... Just picture some old european men in the coffee shops saying " hey honey" with thier eyes running you up and down... thats what it was like from him. DEVALUE so subtle.

#8 Feb 21 - 2PM (Reply to #21)

JustBreathe

Ugh...

Ugh...mine called me "hun" all the time too...every single time it made my stomach turn - like my instinct knew it to be insincere. But...I ignored that feeling and thought, "oh, how cute that he's calling me a little pet name". Then, I heard him call all of his female "friends" and coworkers this name, and he even used it when texting other women. Yuck!

#9 Feb 19 - 9PM

SundaySmile

Opposite

It was Sweetie. After D&D or if he was on the fence as usual - it was nothing. It was hey its (insert his name in a juvenile form with a Y on the end to make it CUTESY). No sweetie. No name. I was nothing. Only he had a name. Has a name. And uses it like an MC announcing the main event. " HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERES " insert name" Not kidding about that. Each and every single time he called. That is what he would say. Wow. Just WOW.

#10 Feb 20 - 2PM (Reply to #17)

ab683096

Wow. Like

Wow. Like "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!!"? Unbelievable.

#11 Feb 20 - 11PM (Reply to #18)

SundaySmile

Pretty much

But more akin to "The Shining" version where Jack axes down the door kinda way. Not even kidding about this. EACH and every single time. UNLESS it was D&D for being revealed. Then it switched to authoritative proper. I was ON NOTICE when that happened. A friend heard a message he left once while I played Voice Mail. She looked at me and asked if he was f-ing serious. I was actually embarrassed. It was so clear - and yet not. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

#12 Feb 20 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

SundaySmile

branding?

I realized it is branding oneself for the hard sell. Stealing a branding and using it as your own is as unoriginal as reinventing the hair club for men.

#13 Feb 19 - 7PM

needing2know

He ALWAYS called me by my

He ALWAYS called me by my name, when we were around people he knew and I didn't he NEVER introduced me to anyone ever! His so called friends , I call them that because he really has none, but they would walk up to me and say "hello I am so ans o and since he is too rude not to introduce us to you we will do it ourselves" I would get the dirtiest looks ever! I think In 7 yrs he called me sweetie maybe twice, but he always called me by my name

#14 Feb 19 - 6PM

Sparrow

They rarely will call you by

They rarely will call you by name. They would have to commit that to memory. It is easier to come up with pet names, they can't make a mistake then.

#15 Feb 20 - 2PM (Reply to #14)

ab683096

Yeah. And the sad part is,

Yeah. And the sad part is, for a while I thought it was so sweet that he called me Baby all the time. or "My baby". But in reality it was control and probably to make things easier for HIM.

#16 Feb 19 - 9PM (Reply to #13)

SundaySmile

YEP

I thought about that too. I wondered if he could even recall my name

#17 Feb 19 - 6PM

fallingfoward

Mine......

would always call me by my name, sometimes babe, but rarely. What was interesting to me was when we would have sex, he never not once call me by my name or anything for that matter. It always bother me. He would insist I call him by his name, he didn't like me calling him babe or honey. So I don't know, he's so messed up, I will never figure him out. Maybe it was just the part of his game, to make me feel like I was important to him. I wasn't. I do have some choice names for him now. lol

#18 Feb 19 - 5PM

janemarie

My exhusband wouldnt call me

My exhusband wouldnt call me anything but my name but it was always a blunt, "Jane!" As if he was saying, "Hey Idiot!" The exboyfriend never ever called me by my name...it was always Babe...(he was the phychopath Narc out of the 2)... They both were so different yet soooo similar...strange!!!!!

#19 Feb 19 - 5PM

neverlookback

Called me by his name

probably a total of 5 times in 6 years - it was usually, browned eyed beauty, or hey baby - wonder if he ever got the color of eyes mixed up with his other women? Oh wait, excuse me how would he know the color of our eyes when his eyes were always shut during sex (or they are always behind you) and they never really look at you anyway ha ha x0 RED FLAG, RED FLAG, WARNING, WARNING other women in the picture

#20 Feb 19 - 9PM (Reply to #7)

SundaySmile

how would he know

Since he never looked at me when talking. Always always always NO EYE contact. I was so sick of it and felt so alone which is part of the disconnect they push - I said -- what are you staring at??? And it was straight ahead as he filled up the room with his long winded boring as F monologue ad nauseam. The reply was always - oh I am looking at )insert random useless excuse( thinking about how I can X Y Z....and he would look at me in the eyes and away again. I made my feelings known that I want him to look at me when talking. But would not. You are right. They do not look at you. Red flag. Except maybe to check out your ass - and everyone elses. EYES UP HERE!

#21 Feb 20 - 7AM (Reply to #8)

ab683096

Same thing with mine!! Eye

Same thing with mine!! Eye contact was something I had to FORCE him to do. He would stare at the TV whenever I was talking. It was so hurtful. The only time he would give me eye contact was when he was talking about himself.

#22 Feb 20 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

fallingfoward

Thanks ab...

another step... coming out of denial. My ex-narc did the same thing, when he spoke he gave me eye-contact. Somestimes insisted I sit across from me while he spoke, but then when I would talk he would close his eyes or lower them. Asshole.

#23 Feb 19 - 5PM (Reply to #3)

ab683096

I wish i had seen this as a

I wish i had seen this as a red flag. Makes me wonder if there was always an OW.

#24 Feb 19 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

SundaySmile

we are the OW

We are the OW, AB. All of us. Always second or third or fourth in line-and if not to another female - to something other. Relationship was never first. he is always first

#25 Feb 19 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

bobh3625

used to tell my n

That i was like 10 in her list of importance gosh it still hurts

#26 Feb 19 - 5PM (Reply to #4)

Fearless

odds are...

...most likely there were honey.

FeFe

#27 Feb 19 - 4PM

Jar of hearts

Yes!

Although he did at first but at the point I became one of three women he didn't - this is all looking back never really noticed it at the time! I'm guessing he was worried he would call one of us by the wrong one!!!

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