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Called the Lawyer

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#1 Dec 14 - 3PM
PhoebeR
PhoebeR's picture

Called the Lawyer

I just called the lawyer to set-up an appointment to divorce my N husband of 9 years. I am scared and I am not sure why. I know this is the right decision. My therapists says it is, I know in head it is. My heart still hurts because I still love him. Having him still in my house does not help the situation.

I try to think back to all the times he ignored me physically, sexually and abused me emotionally. All the times I did everything, paid the bills, fed the dogs, cleaned the house, everything. The fact that he said he never loved me like a wife, that he has been afraid to have kids, even tho he knows i want that more then anything.

He says he understands why I need to do this, but I am going on my own first, without him to the lawyer, because I know if i wait for him we will never go. There will always be an excuse. The same way he made excuses for not being physical with me,. fo r

Why am i so scared? I know I can live without him in my life.

Dec 17 - 8PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Good for You.

But you're still caught in it. You're discussing with him. Be careful. He will never change. Divorce is not something done "together" as a group project. He has a lawyer & she has a lawyer. It's an adversarial thing. And with a N -- it's a bloody awful nightmare & a full-scale war with a take no hostages mentality. A duel to the death. Winner takes all. & usually N takes all. Be very careful. If his prize dog escapes. And he gets it back. He's gonna build a higher fence. Which means . . . he may be nice & try to persuade you not to divorce. But then the abuse is only going to escalate when he feels he has you under his control again. It's all about control with a N.
Dec 17 - 6PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

he has abused you in order

he has abused you in order to control you and at your feeling level you know you are still living with him and that he will emotionally harm you. You are brave to go to the lawyer alone. type up why you want a divorce it is easier for the lawyer to read why and then to talk to you about fees and how to begin the process. You might want to tell the lawyer you want him out as you are afraid of him as he is an emotional abuser and you are fearful that it will turn physical. When he gets a letter from your lawyer the fireworks will beging. Have you a support group? You are doing something that is very hard and it might be a good thing to have some other women in your corner. You have a therapist ask her for practical steps to do to help you get through this. he doesn't beleive that he has lost control of you and that you will go through with the divorce. Bring financial records along with your statment, property information, tax statements. this is not only an emotional split but a financial one as well. refusing to have children is a grounds for divorce in most states and in some there is no fault divorce where everything is split down the middle. You are launching a real battle and you are very brave. You will win it is in your nature. You knew when it was time to go. Your real life is right around teh corner.
Dec 14 - 3PM
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

It's scary, that's why

It's scary, that's why you're scared. Divorce is a big step. You are doing the right thing. Just put your head down and push through, and try to think of it as a business transaction as much as possible. Thank your lucky stars you did NOT have kids, and I hope there will be children in your future with a healthy man!