Broke NC - Need prayers

Few days ago, I broke the NC rule. My exN and I are getting divorce. After several months of counseling, my therapist told me about how divorce is very hard in N because they feel abandon and that is the worst for them.
Obviously, divorce is hard on me too because this is the person I loved and in some ways still have feelings for him, but I am trying to move on.

I am looking for several ways to help myself. I am going to counseling, go to a divorce group session, and sign up in this website.

I left to visit my family during the holidays and did not have any kind of contact with him. It was a little over a month, until last week when he called around 5 am. I tried to reached my phone in the dark and ended answering. That day he called because he was concerned about the health of "our" pets. He knows how much I love our cats and I said if someday he cannot take care of them, that I will.

That day, I kept everything just "business". He tried to engage in conversation, but I was just talking about the cats. He ended bringing them to my place. We saw each other, and I tried to be friendly but did not disclose any information about my personal life. He tried to engage in conversation several times and I avoid as much as I could. He realized about this and left. In some ways, I felt I handled the situation the best way and felt glad I did not cry or showed my emotions in fron of him.

Then, he called again on Saturday just to let mme know my e-mail is still getting to his house and that he is concerned I am not paying my bills. I told him to not worry and that he can throw the mail away.

Everything was ok to that moment, until Monday when he called to threaten me. He said he finally had time to read the divorce decree and he said he was going to sue me. I left everything, including the house. The only thing I have requested is for him to remove my name from the house. He has to refinance or to sell the house to do this. He thinks is unaffair he has to do it. So he says he will sue me because I ahve to pay all the legal fees for him to do this. I answered nicely and said that he has to do what he believes is right and any other questions he needs to take it to my lawyer. he got mad and started telling me that revengeful and bitter person. He said he did not want to get divorce and he is thinking back and that I did not waste any time to move out and to ask for the divorce (it has been two months). I could not help it and just got mad. We are getting divorce because he confessed me he is love of other woman, but of course everything is my fault. I tried to end the conversation the best way I could but I was completely destroyed.

I am mad at myself for breaking the NC rule. I thought I was doing great without not knowing anything about him. I blocked his girlfriend and him on facebook. I am very careful about what I do because in some ways I am afraid. I know he is mad and he is upset I have not done anything to try to get him back. He has not seeing me crying on how much pain I am, abd that makes him mad.

My counselor told me it will be better if I move to a different state and try to see this as a way to start all over fresh again. I really want to do that, I have thought about the same many times, but I do not want to run away... but I do not want yo be afraid of him neither...

I feel I have gone backwards... I ave the cats now and I am sure he will come back for them. He knew how to get me and feel the cats were the excuse to start the communication with me. I wish I can stop loving my pets too, but it is too hard. I lost everything... I feel lonely and in fear... I know I need to get strong to confront him in court.

Need prayers! Thanks!