Broke NC

26 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 24 - 3PM

hitandrun

Broke NC

Not upset that I did it, actually feel better(for now, later..who knows?)

Should not have done it after 3 months NC, but I sent an email outlining all the lies I knew he told me and asking for a response on why he did it. It wasn't an angry email, but I am sure he will chalk it up to me being psycho.

I will not get a response. Not sure what prompted me to do it.
Possibly I wanted him to know I KNEW...immature,probably.
But I have nothing to lose at this point...already lost it all!

I was very clear that I did not want to re-establish communication. The reality is he will ignore it.

Anyone do something like this?

#2 Jun 24 - 9PM

enoughalready

NC

It does feel good to tell him what he did and how you view him. But unfortunately,the feeling doesn't last long as your words, like my words-mean and meant absolutely nothing to him. My XN still txts weekly despite my words, my feelings, my knowing of his lies and deceptions. He's banking on my forgiveness that I'll forget one day. In his delusional head, I'm sure my XN still thinks he did "nothing wrong". I remember last year when he always told me "nothing has changed, I'm still the same". And he was right, nothing changed as I know he must have cheated, lied and deceived me our entire 5 yrs. The only closure I will ever get is NC. My XN will live in his delusional world forever.

#3 Jun 24 - 8PM

betty2020

I did this early on. After

I did this early on. After a few weeks of NC. I did not receive any response. Anything that they perceive as injury they will hide from. They are the biggest cowards on the face of the earth when confronted with the truth. My ex will never talk in any normal or rational sense again to me. I am the enemy. Even if i made attempts to be a kinder person to him, it wouldnt matter and he would just see this as weakness. He has been injured. Accepting that they are not the person you thought will help you maintain NC. Make Lists of all the shitty things he has done to you to validate his abuse and put them all over your house and car. It helps. xoxoxoxo

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#4 Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #23)

hitandrun

betty2020

Wish I had sent it earlier. Basically he got the list of his cowardly behavior and lies. I don't give a sh*t what he thinks at this point. It was a small way of taking some of my power back. Back to NC. He will not respond...but he will read it. There are a few legal things in there that will totally freak him out that I found out about. He erased me because the jig was up...I was seeing the truth but not ready to believe it...that's why I got axed...couldn't have anyone finding out who he really is. Now he will know that I know about his other B.S. Truly, I did it for ME. F*CK HIM!!!!!

#5 Jun 24 - 10PM (Reply to #24)

betty2020

Good for you girl. So now

Good for you girl. So now that he is dead. Lets get on with the funeral. Its time to Party!!!!! I know it was important for me to let him know how i really felt and saw him in the end so i think it was important you did that too. Some days i feel like i want to tell him again just so he has a clear understanding. lol. Never happen. My son said something to me about a week ago. He said mom, if you really wants to get this jerk back, DONT tell him how you feel and never ever ever take another phone call, respond to a message, or allow him to see you again. "Guys hate when chicks do that". I laughed. To bad i wasn't dealing with a real guy. Smart kid though. I know he is right about the NC but I dont think this is revenge for the N. He has moved on now and i have been erased. Period and end of sentence. That is the reality. The best thing i can do for me is to do like you; Have the funeral and move on. The honesty of this is painful but it beats the delusional world with him. So im moving forward. And fuck him too! xoxoxoox

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#6 Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #22)

Susan32

They're cowards, that's for sure!

Sometimes NORMAL people won't talk to each other for years due to painful incidents, and sometimes they do reconcile with genuine forgiveness. But we're talking about abnormals here. My ex-P won't fess up to the fact that he was emotionally abusive and deficient as a teacher... and a human being. A NORMAL person would've apologized and given clarity if he had done the same thing. A NORMAL person would say "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn't know you were so deeply in love with me. I should've told you I had a girlfriend. I was dishonest. I reduced you to tears in front of your friends. I was a bully. I'm very sorry, I was a real jerk." You're right. My ex-P will run and run and run from the Truth... but we all know the Truth eventually catches up... It's important to keep lists to recount what Ns and Ps do. My therapist has validated that yes, what my ex-P did WAS abuse... and just plain "bizarre" (his word) 9 years ago, I ALMOST broke NC and called my ex-P. I talked to one of his colleagues, and asked how he was doing. She said, "Call him." I'm sure she told him I'd call;it might've given him a brief high... the mere thought... and I NEVER called. I remembered what he did. I wouldn't have said that I'd call a person then NOT call them if they were NORMAL. I'd apologize. Didn't call him 9 years ago... and I'm keeping NC.

#7 Jun 24 - 5PM

Lisa E. Scott

Hitandrun

Don't expect a response. You don't need one. You said your peace. I think many of us have done that. I know I have. I usually have to speak my mind before I can completely move on. You needed to tell him and like you said, you feel better now. Just re-establish No Contact, move on and don't wait for any kind of response. You don't need one.

#8 Jun 24 - 4PM

foolmeonce

Rainbow1 - you mean you haven't broken NC in 4 hours??

Your post 4 hours ago: So I am now going NC. I realized that I have to because it is the only way. Right now I have been talking to him and every day he asks me to come over, but some days I get the nice guy asking and others I get the jerk. I don't understand why you are offering advice on NC when you clearly have not done so yourself.

#9 Jun 24 - 4PM (Reply to #14)

rainbow1

foolmeonce

How did you get that I was giving advice out of that? I was telling her that I have wanted to lay into him like she did and tell him that I know what lies he has told but I didnt. I wasnt giving her advice AT ALL. In no way shape or form could you get advice out of that. I was telling that that I have wanted to do that. I was relating to her feelings. And I told her that she is probably right about him not responding.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#10 Jun 24 - 5PM (Reply to #15)

hitandrun

rainbow1 and foolmeonce

I was not taking what rainbow1 wrote as advice...I'm aware of her situation. She was just relating to wanting to tell him off. It was fun!!!!

#11 Jun 24 - 5PM (Reply to #16)

rainbow1

hitandrun

Thank you! I know that I am in no place to give NC advice. That would just make me look silly. I am glad that you didnt take it that way! :)

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#12 Jun 24 - 5PM (Reply to #17)

hitandrun

rainbow1...you'll laugh at this

I am obsessing a bit by reading it over and over because I am so proud of myself...sounds ridiculous I know. But I feel like a bunch of encrusted sh*t just got washed off of me. I have no hope for response and don't care. If any of you all have ideas about the funeral for my phoney relationship, please pass along. Perhaps I should start another post?

#13 Jun 24 - 8PM (Reply to #19)

Kelly

I did this once

It did feel good to get it off of my shoulders, but the hurt still took a long time to get over. I didn't do it with the last guy (who really broke my heart) because the relationship was too short and it would have just made me look ridiculous to send him something from out of the blue. I don't want him to think for a second that he is still on my mind. I'm starving the vampire :) With the ex I wrote, the email was written in such a way that it didn't need a response. He did however respond after about three months. Believe me when I say, you don't want to ever hear from him again . . . It's better that way. NC from now on girl ;)

#14 Jun 24 - 5PM (Reply to #18)

rainbow1

hitandrun

That is so funny! I do the exact same thing! If he says something really stupid or rude or if I say something to him that I am proud of I will save it and read it all day! The other day when he asked me to come over I just text back "now what will your prom queen think of this?" Since he went to prom with some 17 year old a few weeks ago! I read it over and over and laughed at myself each and every time! Good for you! I think that in some ways it is very relaxing knowing that you said everything that you need to say. That is one of the reasons that I posted my other thread earlier. I said that I didnt want to be like my ex and hold it in for years and years. Good for you getting it out! And I think starting a new thread is a good idea.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#15 Jun 24 - 3PM

rainbow1

I havent but I am really

I havent but I am really thinking about it! I want him to know that I KNOW! I have only told him that I heard some stuff that he did and his response was " I didnt do sh*t". I want to lay it all out there for him to let him know that I know everything. You are right he probably will not respond and if he does it will be denying it all. I hate that I have to come to the reality that I will never hear him say what he did. He will never fess up to it.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#16 Jun 24 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

Janet

Rainbow1 - NC! Really, he

Rainbow1 - NC! Really, he knows what he did - he does not care - he will continue and do worse. It actually makes them happy to get the attention. Peace. J

Peace. J

#17 Jun 24 - 3PM (Reply to #2)

hitandrun

rainbow1

I don't know if it was worth it. But he thought he pulled the wool over my eyes, and he did. Just wanted him to know I KNEW. Cannot recommend it. It was probably stupid and he won't even read it. It felt good to write, though : )

#18 Jun 24 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

Steph

hitandrun

i can remember saying so many times to friends and family " i want him to know i know" and " i hate feeling like he thinks he has pulled the wool over my eyes" I totally get that feeling. I haven't broke no contact but at first, i thought about it too. it's ok u sent it. probably not a good idea lol but you're human and it's done. don't be hard on yourself:) xoxo

#19 Jun 24 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

rainbow1

Janet and hitandrun

I am not going to do it, but it would be nice. I cant promise anything when I run into him next though! I might just start swinging!!! hahaha! Hitandrun- he will read it. I would put money on that! He wants to know what you have to say. He wants to see you being mad, sad, happy, hurting, etc as long as he is the one causing you to feel that way. If yours is anything like mine, and I think he is, then he will read it but probably will not respond.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#20 Jun 24 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

hitandrun

Everyone

I probably should not have done it. But I am not going to beat myself up about it. I don't know if he cares about the attention or not. But I do know he will not respond. He already thinks I suck, so this email won't make any difference.

#21 Jun 24 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

Scoop

Hitandrun

Oh heck , i have writen countless emails to my narc with out sending them , its just a click away . If you said all you need to say then maybe it was youre closure .Youre narc is a particular insidous piece of shit. . Just go back to no contact , but you know that xxx

#22 Jun 24 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

Janet

That's right. If it made

That's right. If it made you feel better, that is all that matters. I told the jackass what I thought of him plenty of times before the final D&D. You just want to have said it, that is important. Peace. J

Peace. J

#23 Jun 24 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

hitandrun

Scoop and Janet

You got it! I NEVER got to say ANYTHING, bercause I did not find out about all the lies until after he erased me. I was too busy trying to unpack, get out of a lease,cancel wedding plans, get my landlord to let me stay...on and on. So yeah. He can think I'm a freak...so be it. I really DO feel better : ) Back to NC...cause I am really done. Will be having a funeral for our phoney relationship this weekend. This is MY CLOSURE...had to get it somehow. Other people do it in different ways. Wouldn't it be funny as hell if he got served papers today, too? Cross your fingers!

#24 Jun 24 - 5PM (Reply to #7)

almostlydia

You'll know you're really done

You'll know you're really done when you are indifferent to any response - when you're not sitting there waiting and hoping for some response. When you forget it and go on about your day you have finally become indifferent and FREE. Mine sends text thru his new secret phone and acts like its from someone else speaking on his behalf - if you can believe that- i pop off a response saying 'DON'T even try to tell me about the nightmare i have lived for most of ten years. Find out for yourself. Good Fu**ing luck'. and then i laugh about the absolute sickness of it all and go about the my day. It feels good to finally be in this place and it took a lot to get here. You vented - don't beat yourself up about it. You will learn that wakening the beast is not worth it in the end. But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do sometimes and its ok. As long as you begin to see what it can do to you if your not there yet. The purpose of NC is to give yourself some peace so you can gain the strength to get there without the constant mind f**king.

almostlydia

#25 Jun 24 - 9PM (Reply to #9)

PumpKyn80

Almostlydia - Yes Indifference

I remember there was moment when I was just done and told myself enough is enough. It was a time when he went NC on me again. During that the time I was thinking about the way I was being treated and how I got tired of the same BS over and over again, with the "apologies" only to repeat the same behavior over and over. I was just so sick and tired of it and became indifferent. Just did not care if he called/emailed/texted me ever again...and if he did he would get the breakup from me, and my mind was made up. In my mind I was done and there was no returning and so I guess that was my closure. He did end up contacting me again, but the point is I was not yearning for it, I did not care either way and I was so finished with him that I was not going to even call him to breakup (probably would have ignored me anyway). The contact that eventually came from him was only to offically end the "relationship" So that was me finding closure within myself, whether he contacted me or not. This was way before I even knew he was an N. And the thing is a month before when he went NC on me I begged him to come back and was miserable. However, that particular time (the last NC from him) a switch just went off on me and I became indifferent. Who would have thought that being indifferent would feel great, well in this situation it was wonderful. hitandrun, you will get to that point believe me!!!

#26 Jun 24 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

hitandrun

almostlydia

I wish I could say I was indifferent...that would be a BIG LIE. The jackass still owes me money, have to go to court, yadda yadda. And it hasn't been that long. That will be the day I will be truly FREE. I KNOW he's not going to respond. The man is a coward. I'm glad I did it and will not beat myself up. As to your ex with his secret phone...that is hilarious! WTF? Glad you busted his chops!

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