The bridge

Hi all!

My counselor gave me a great story to relate to my relationship with SH. I don't recall all of her details, but it basically went something like this...

You and SH are on a bridge, in the middle of it. You walked hand in hand to the bridge and decided to cross over to the other side. Half way across, your SH, still holding your hand, fell and was hanging off the bridge. You were the only thing keeping him from falling. You both got stuck right there. You desperately wanted to pull him up but he did absolutely nothing to help himself try to get back up on the bridge. You did nothing to cause him to fall, and you have tried everything you could to get him back up. It became clear after two years of effort on your part and none on his that right there was where he was going to stay. You could no longer be happy stuck in the middle of that bridge holding him up all by yourself.

She told me that I would ultimately have to make a choice or one would be made for me, like his dead weight would finally pull me under, or let go and save myself.

I chewed on that for months. I did feel stuck. We only get so far in our relations with these diseased persons and they stop....

After offering all the help I could muster, and him wanting nothing to do with "forward progress" and lying, sneaking around with OW, I finally knew I had to make the decision for both of us, because he never would. He would talk a good game, but he hung there as dead weight just the same.

I had to let him go because I was going to kill myself trying to save someone who had no intention of saving himself.

So I let go...ie, NC. Sure he will pout and through the usual tantrums, but I was freeing myself. I learned it was time for it to be about me.

I am now 4 days in to the NC.

Coffee