Do you have anything you could post about overcoming trauma bonds? When I google I read about what they are but very little information on overcoming them.
Funny you should ask . . . I ordered "The Betrayal Bond", which is sort of the bible for identifying trauma bonding and even has exercises in the book. It is for laypersons who don't have to have any previous knowledge of psychology or whatever.
I can't wait to get it, dropped extra bucks on expedited shipping.
Honestly, I don't know how to overcome them other than to physically break the bond with No Contact to the nth degree (and go absolute MIMIMUM contact if there are children or work ties).
From there, if the obsessive thoughts continue and what you are reading and doing isn't helping, then get into therapy with a therapist certified in trauma.
Human beings are biologically driven to form bonds, and that means it doesn't matter WHAT kind of bond. And ALL bonding has elements of pain or difficulty and then relief of the pain.
From what I already understand about the book "The Betrayal Bond", Patrick Carnes says that the wound can't be healed unless the trauma bond is confronted and unraveled. And that takes time, no short cuts.
Another part is the biochemical basis of bonding. The extreme emotional ups and downs, the relief of the Narc finally being "nice" becomes an addiction. There are no drugs involved but there are powerful biochemical things happening in your brain that effect you just like drugs (endogenous opioids). And when you go No Contact, it's like going cold turkey with heroin or cigarettes. Panic and withdrawl, depression and anxiety. These a biochemical states in response to the withdrawl of the stimulus that you needed to "get that feeling". That stimulus is the Narc.
So I understand a lot about HOW it happens. And I only know what helped ME "unravel" it. It has involved therapy, medications to sooth my burnt out brain (antidepressants). And a massive effort to get real.
Once you read it can you let me know what the author suggests on breaking this?
How about anything on breaking codependence? I have had a sick little symbiotic relationship with him for a long time its always been there it was just dormant. I know that NC can protect me but I need to go further and rid myself of the control he has on me and my addiction to control him. If I dont get to the bottom of this he'll be back and Im afraid that my addiction will take over again
Also I havent seen too much on the board about codependence. I have also wondered at times why some people are just able to let go of the N once they realize what they are dealing with and others keep going back. Do you think it is that some of us are Codependent and others arent? Just curious.
Oh yes I know of that book unfortunately it is hard for me to have those things around my house. My husband would wonder WTH are you reading that book for?
Get an old copy and tear off the book jacket. Put on a different book jacket.
The worst "deception" as far as your husband is concerned is in the past now :) I know you have to be discreet, so this is small potatoes to get your healthy self back :)
This is funny but it isnt... He saw me on this site and said sick of it do you think Im a narcissist? I guess my reply should have I dont know do you? LOL
I said oh no I just stumbled on this and like to put my 2 cents in with these ladies and their bad relationships. I think actually one of my x's used to be a narcissist (understatement) then I resumed my vacuming.
Funny you should ask . . . I
Once you read it can you let
Someone recommended to me to
Oh yes I know of that book
Get an old copy and tear off
This is funny but it isnt...