brainwashing

sorry betty, i killed your thread.. :( x

This is very interesting. I have been listening to some poscasts about gaslighting and relalising a very real case in point. And that it seems that we can only know how insedious thus stuff is after the fact. "You have no way of understanding or marking his behaviour at the time, when you are so deeply immersed in it." It seems to be that only afterwards we see the gaping crevice of this damaging illness. (And i believe Narcissism is a very real disease/illness) We see the red flags and the truth and it seems amazing that we tried to take it. We stood there and tried to understand his persepctive, we wrestled with our intuition and ignored the warning signs, wracked our brains trying to get his approval!!!! OMG!!!! And it was never there to have... So we ascended into deep depths of the pain that it brings. The part in the link you posted that resonated most with me was this: - "Enforcing Trivial Demands: Develops habit of compliance." My god I remember the time he chastised me like a victoria father, like I was a two year old, It was about moving his crystal into a another place in our kitchen to prevent it from being broken. He wanted to enforce the place in which the object was placed in our kitchen, arguing that it had deep spiritual significance. I was afraid of him. I couldn't understand why he was so extremely ancy (it didn't seem very spiritual way to handle it). he beacme so difficult and particular about it, to the point of real intense deep anger with me. And, It just needed to move a few inches away, because it had been placed in on the middle shelf that had the cooking condiments on and it was tricky for me cook and use the condiments without keep knocking it off. It was a delicate crystal that I had bought for him. I didnt want to break it. He really raged and raged at me for that... It was so trivial and so stupid. I was driven crazy thinking I was to blame... Thanks you betty, this stuff keeps me fighting for my freedom. My true home grown, home owned freedom... ...if I forget this stuff for a minute he has me again!!!! One thing is good. I may not be away from him yet but I am better that I was. before when he was here he raged like that and I was trapped in his cage. atleast I can turf him out to his own cage now. I didn't have that power before. And I dont see that rage in him as often if at all. I suppose he is trying to kind of, woo and impress me again, now on many of his wierd levels in his weird 'not really impressive anymore' ways... His fear of abadonment is as real as anyones. we know that much... but whether he loves me, well no I dont think he does, he isnt capable of love on the level I require. that's a fact!!! (anyone for a goo laugh, want to do a babooshka on his ass, for me??? Nah, he is too dangerous for that even.) but yea, he can try to gaslight me and brainwash me, or try anyway, but I think I am starting to develop a much thicker skin in my maturation. I just aint gona sit by the phone or wait around for anyone to come love me again.. I dont care if im lonely or singe and empowered for ever, its better than settling for difficuilt and empty love. it's real true intimate love or nothing at all!!! Bless you for sharing this wonderful Betty.. V

oooops sorry again!! x

ooops!!