Boundaries

Boundaries are really, really hard for me. With the Narc, yes, of course but in all areas of my life. Grew up in an alcoholic home so I wouldn't have know a boundary if it walked up and bit me on the. ... Well, never mind. You know what I mean. I have difficulty with the concept that no is a complete sentence and that it's ok for me to put MY wishes first. Putting my needs first is NOT my default setting so I don't feel good when I do it. Even after a long time working on this. I was just reading a post about feeling guilty and mean about not answering the Narc and it all comes down to boundaries, right? So, I responded to the post and my doorbell rang. It was a guy wanting something. Money. A petition signed. Something like that. I didn't give him a chance to get into it so I don't really know but he was pretty insistent that he wanted me to do whatever it was he wanted and I wanted no part of it. But I still couldn't just say no thank you and shut the door and go back to what I was doing. I caught myself starting to tap dance "I don't have any money. It's late". Making excuses instead of just saying no thank you and shutting the door. It took me close to a full minute to shut it and even now, almost 10 minutes later, I still have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I did something wrong. I Like I'm responsible for this guy's livelihood and I let him down. Seriously? Codependent much? I clearly have more work to do on boundaries and not feeling guilty putting myself first.