OK after 11 days NC, the xN sends me 2 blank texts at 10:00 at night. Yes, I responded to one with a "?" then received the second (blank) message after that. I know this was probably a mistake on my part. WTF?
I got the 'blank texts' also, when i got them at first i thought wth? so as the story go's
1.anon calls- you pick up caller puts down.
2. Blank texts-this time you know who is texting, thinking WTH?.
3. Email-
4. email by proxy
Now each time you do not respond their anger gets worse. New tactics need to be found. Please make sure you have thought of everything, ie BLOCK every damn way that they can contact you. :)
OMG! Mine would always do this when I'd break up with him or catch him in lies. Never an apology, never an explanation. Just blank texts. So freaking idiotic.
we've progressed form hang-up calls........
....to hang-up...texts???????
I thought hang-up/silent calls went out with junior high.
I guess N's never got the memo....
How immature!!! Really, that's not even like calling and at least hearing your voice. I agree, she's just trying to get your attention, and making sure you are still thinking about her. She wants you to be ready when she decides she's ready for you again. You did just fine. You responded with a ? once then didn't again.
Just let those go when they come again, and maybe keep the phone off or in the other room so she doesn't upset your sleep. Because part of looking like you don't care is looking good! :)
i like that! Like riding Vulcans too. Unfortunately keeping phone in other room or OFF (which is really what I wanna do...maybe hopefully after the big promotion )doesn't work for my on-call status at work right now. I do like your thinkin' tho!
Also, I wanted to say a genuine sincere but humbling THANK YOU to everyone here for not judging. This is'nt your typical Male N Female Vic situation but soullessness and vampires come in all kinda packages my peeps! Trust I value your support and if I had not found this forum when I did I may have made the second worst mistake of my life, and wound up being in an even worse world of pain someday. (the first mistake being the first time I took her back). Anyway, I Just want to let you all know I don't know what I would have done with out the infinite wisdom of all of you special, NORMAL, whole, healthy, caring, empathic and beautiful women. Thank you from the bottom of my
(sometimes) too big heart.
Honey she playing the narc game. Narcs come in all shapes, sizes, colors, genders and anyone can be prey...friends, lovers, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sons and daughters. We are so glad you found us you will always have a home with us. Block her if you can on your phone. Dont give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you. Your feeding the monster...
xoxo
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
It doesn't matter what kind of package the narc is wrapped up in, they are all the same inside. And it aint pretty! Yes, the majority of us here are dealing with male narcs, but all narc behavior is just the same, and we are all victims just the same. You'll get tons of support here!!
There is no need to thank us...but it warms my heart nevertheless;) We come from all walks of life, from all situations and experiences, but we have 1 thing in common, we all have a huge capacity to love, sometimes too huge. There have been other women on this board in your same situation, some men that have been with Narc women, and men who have been with Narc men. I think it is great that you can feel safe here, because that is the only way we can fight this pathology...together. You are more than welcome honey.
My worst N experience ever was with a female N (and I suspect HPD as well) 2 for the price of one---oh yay. :/P
I committed the cardinal sin of disagreeing with her (oh, the horror!)(How DARE I have my own point of view)
The few that are out there can be even nastier than the men.
My theory is that they have a keener instinct for precisely which buttons to push; to inflict the MOST PAINFUL damage to another woman.
You hit it right on the money. She sounds a lot like my N whom I have suspected was HPD also. A cornucopia of Cluster B PD's.
I too committed the sin of disagreement, then questioning, and finally quietly mentioning that I had valid feelings and needs of my own.
How dare you have feelings and needs Ms rose!!! Lets not forget that your main purpose in life is to protect and serve .... Protect her fragile image and serve her selfish needs. Ugg. She is a spoiled child that got away with to much for to long.
Most do have overlapping PDs. If you look close many have very similar characteristics. A mish mash of shit stacked upon shit creating a recipe for disaster and the perfect storm.
xoxo
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
I must have lapsed for a moment. Because I know somewhere
around here in the last 2 weeks I DID learn that our feelings
and needs do not exist (there is one exception however, if they benefit the Idyll in some way he will allow them to continue
at least until he grows tired of you of course. At that point he will focus all of his attentions on the pot of NS he already has simmering on the stove (oh wait, usually they don't cook-since that might involve effort that might bring happiness to another human being after a long day at the office.)
Hmmm...where was I going with this?
Ah hell, have a drama free happy NC Thanksgiving! You can do it. Remember how you enjoyed so many holidays before HIM and you WILL continue to enjoy them long after this destructive self-centered *ss is outta your life!
I'm not ready to talk about my woman Narc at all. I agree with exactly what you are saying. It is so tough to prove to anyone else unless they fell victim as well. This lady is my supervisor at work. When she takes a day off it's like a new world at work.
My HN will be easy to explain when I'm ready. She will never be explained. She is very good at sticking under the radar.
On Friday I told a co-worker who has also been abused by this woman, I think she can smell that I'm getting divorced because she has stepped up her venom lately.
A woman's instinct mixed into a sociopath Narc is a bad mix.
She has been a predator to me since 2006. What I don't understand is why she was so wonderful to me from 2002 to 2006? It wasn't your typical DD. It is so bizarre. When she started in on me in 2006 a Doctor asked me to go to lunch one day. At the time I didn't know him well so I hesitated but I could see in his face this was serious. We walked to the campus cafe and he told me about his abuse from this woman and how hard he fought administration. He didn't get anything resolved because she is sneaky and she covers her tracks. He decided to go NC as much as he can. I cannot do this because she sits behind me all day and I need to correspond as she is my superior. A healthy boundary does nothing for me with her. I finally made some head way and my desk is getting moved far away from hers after Thanksgiving break. You would think this is good but it is bad because it has instigated her more. I have no other choice but to almost be a Narc around her which is exhausting.
I feel bad for anyone who has to deal with a woman Narc. It is one heck of a job. Who need an extra mental job at their job? I do believe in karma and it keeps me sane. Her poor husband of 35 years is so drained and I see it in his face:(
3 years after the D&D, I was working in a nursing home kitchen, and a couple of the female cooks were DEFINITELY Ns... and predatory ones at that. The first one was alcoholic;the latter was into hard drugs and stealing from the kitchen. The first one would scream&yell at me, drive me to the point of tears, and then she'd try to make me look lazy&uncaring about my job. She was nasty to be around. My Narc boss would wonder why she bullied me so much... and I can explain it simply-he was a Narc, and he let her get away with it. She ended up working at a kitchen at a casino... and it didn't work out for her.
The other cook would scream obscenities at her kindergartener. My Narc boss hired her because they had known each other some years back. The other cook would come late to work (usually I had to call her, because she'd be hungover) She was going to lose custody of her children to her boyfriend... and no surprise, she was doing drugs.
I'm glad I don't have to deal with either of them.
to prove to anyone else, unless they've been a victim.
Just like a male N, the moment you expose their crap, they'll turn it around and play the victim themselves.
I just think women can be even better at that act--They can smother their tones in honey, conjure up crocodile tears that would move(and convince) even the most stoic and skeptical people.
"Oh, how could she say that about little ol', innocent me...?
"She's just jealous................."
Then they'll turn around and either smirk at you, or try to intimidate you with the Reptilian Death Stare.....
(as soon as there's no witnesses. Impression Management is EVERYTHING............)
Yep, I've been through it. I'm waiting for the new board so I can tell the story privately.
Sorry to hear you're dealing with it, too......:0(
I'm sorry your getting double whammy's also. Hey, maybe we can look at things differently? Instead let's congratulate each other and thank these woman for making us who we need to be. :D At least for today. Lol. Tomorrow at work I'll probably feel like running to HR
For justice. :)
Do you really think it's jealousy? I have not pinpointed her reason. I'm too busy escaping this Narc marriage.
Sheesh, good luck with yours honey. I will pay attention to your story on the new board.
I do think it's jealousy on their part at times.They are jealous of those of us who can be .....genuine.
However............
What I was using as an example in my post, tho, was that they will use that as a counter tactic against another woman calling them out on their b.s.They will accuse YOU (general you) of "just being jealous of them" They might even believe it to be true, too. Female Ns have that same sense of grandiosity and superiority that the male Ns have, so they do look down upon us "lesser beings" and presume that we envy them.
And with that deflection tactic, suddenly the spotlight is off them--and on you.And then we are put on the defensive.And they play the poor long-suffering, misunderstood victim.
Classic table-turning maneuver.
Male Ns do it, too---I just think the female Ns are better at it, and are more likely to accuse other women of being jealous of them. When , in fact THEY are the ones smoldering in jealousy and spite.
My theory is that they have a keener instinct for precisely which buttons to push; to inflict the MOST PAINFUL damage to another woman.
my best woman friend was a narc i just thought she was a bitter woman...i didnt relize she was a narc until my narc said ...she is the same as me.b/c she is a woman you are not seeing it....he was so right..i dropped both of them.
she was the most spitful, viscious, woman i ever knew ,apart from my narc mum, well they were the same, i just kept reanacting going into the same old relationships hoping for a better ending..
i am more glad to be away from this posionous woman that the narc males...and thats saying something!!!!!she has 4/5 siblings none of them talk to her, 3kids and only 1 talks to her..the other 2 walk right passed her...and i thought she was doing me a favor beign my freind...well thats what she kept telling me...lol
She does 2 blank texts? Lol. Think about that, are they really blank? NO. She really outta come out and type what the blsnk texts say: "hello I'm so happy your hurting over me! Heehee, but I thought for half a second that you may not be thinking about me? So I decided to send you a text to tell you that you better stick around to worship me later on. I can't loose that supply you gave me. And thanks for the ? Answer, I feel better now knowing I still have your reaction. Ill be back someday to fuck with your head someday."
Try your best to not answer her. Its hard because you want that person she pretended to be. Maybe think of what the blank text is really saying to you? Come up with a trick to keep the NC. It really sucks the way they do this huh? At first, I answered until I caught on. Now I find the blank texts,blank calls annoying. I really get mad that he wastes my battery.
Your darn right it's painful. It's totally selfish on her part. She is toying with you and that is childish. These Narcs are really children. I look at him as a child now ya know.
In the beginning it was so painful that it would bait me. I won't lie, I was happy to get them (even ignoring) I liked that he was feeling that pathetic. It's just proof now when he does it he is thinking of me.
Maybe to deal with the pain, you could look at it like your hurting her by NC? I don't mean your intent is to hurt but just know that her lack of attention for you is not your job. You were used and abused so your job is education. The good news is that the pain ends and you get a new chapter of life.
I'm sorry your in pain. I know how you feel and we have all been there.
XO
My EXn did the silent phone call all the time when we were broken up and then totally stopped when he moved away and changed his phone number..............."God forbid "that I find it out, in his dreams!!!
Goes together with the silent phone calls, they are just looking for a reaction so they know you are thinking of them. Cripes how "common" they are. Block if you can.
I got silent phone calls from the ex-Psych professor from my freshman to my junior year. They didn't happen my senior year&after graduation when I was living in town... because he did NOT have my number. I'd call him, leave a message, he would NEVER call back. But I'd get LOTS of silent calls that drove me nuts. If I called him and he'd pick up the phone... he would be SILENT before answering. An awkward silence before he spoke. His explanation was "I love the sound of your voice."
WOW! I haven't had silent calls for 11 years. Something to be thankful for... and Thanksgiving is coming up!
She just wanted to make sure you would respond and that she still had access to you as long as she has access to you she will keep messing with your head. I know its hard but block her the longer you don't the worse and the longer the pain will go on.
Rose
blank texts!
I guess it really is a new age....
part of the game. almostlydia
almostlydia
blank texts
Blank texts
Thats what I'm talking abooouuut!
Honey she playing the narc
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Rose,
Rose
Nevergoback
Rose,
I second that.
Buttons
How dare you have feelings
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Silly 'Ol me - I forgot!
Fed up
Female Ns at work
You're Right, Blueeyes--It IS harder
Awe Fed up!
Blueeyes
Fed up!
My theory is that they have
block
stay~strong
This is funny
I know you're right
painful :(
i add a second YUP to that as well
Yup
Nevergoback
Silent phone calls
they are so f ing stupid