Beware! We must protect our hearts!

Hey guys!

First of all I wish you all a peaceful and healing 2010.

We are told by those who know best to avoid new relationships for about 18 months and I am writing to say please listen to this! Do ignore this is at your own peril.

I went on an internet dating website, thinking it would be a good way to meet someone. Dumb!!!

I met a guy and we clicked. Lots of e-mails. I thought, what a nice Christian guy, it is my turn for happiness. yay! Big mistake!!!

When he revealed to me that he was divorced and had cheated on his wife, I thought, great a man who tells the truth! I was so used to the lies of the N ex I thought I was onto a winner. He made it out that it was the wife who had an eating disorder and maybe asberger's, she didn't give him enough affection, so I thought, fair enough, he was driven to it and was so young anyway. Let's give this nice guy a chance!! After all, he wants to work at an orphanage in Sri Lanka and is active in the church!

He actually came over here to see me for 3 days and I was really irritable and uncomfortable. It was my gut telling me I was in danger. But he seemed so nice and my friends thought he was so much better than the N ex. Also at the same time, my ex sees us out, as he is stalking me and proceeds to call me almost nonstop for 5 hours thats night. But I am in my happy little world, having a man to compliment me and hold my hand! He says he can't wait to see me again and we make plans to meet up in some other country. How romantic.

Much excitement about the fun we can have in the future. He even tells me he is looking into work visas in my home country, as I am going home this year. He says he is willing to chase me and this wherever it may go. He says that it just feels right and we really click and it's fantastic.

It seemed like things were going well, on skype alot, laughing alot. He told me all nice things about how I look and how I am a cracking girl and he feels so lucky. He gets very excited by the fact that I am his girlfriend. Like a puppy! He says he is proud to have me on his arm and I make him want to be better. My ego is happy! He makes jokes that I am a trophy wife?

A little warning bell, he told me someone at work told him he is really good at everything he does. Another warning bell, he told me he is a catch. So I should be happy because we are both catches, a good match.( he is half joking?) A huge warning bell, he says he is having trouble with intrusive thoughts about sex and could I pray for him!! He used to have a problem with porn and is experiencing a backlash against his decision to get rid of that stuff and lead a moral life.

AAAAARRGGH!! I make it clear that I am not up to getting hurt again and do not take that development very well. I say I am absolutely against porn and he should have that sorted by now if he is persuing something with me. It is a very awkward conversation. He says, why am I always having this conversation? he seems very baffled. But we keep going with the relationship, saying it is just part of getting to know eachother. He seems very patient and understanding for most of the time.

Red alert!!! Come new years eve I am a nervous wreck as he has been very distant the last 3 days after that weird conversation. Unreliable.

I am crying, because I am so homesick. It has been a very hard month. I ask him to call me as he is not answering his phone. Very bad gut feeling!! he does call, but seems irritable and uncomfortable, even angry that I interrupted his night. He suggests that maybe it is better for me if we just hang out with no name to our relationship as I seem to be freaking out and under pressure and he wants to relieve it.. Huge bad gut feeling. I am very upset and emotional, he says he just wants to go out and dance as he deserves it!! Warning bells going ballistic!

I realise that it is all about him. I end it with as much dignity as I can muster.

Guys, don't let that happen to you!!! Protect you precious hearts!! I don't know if he is an N, but he hurt me.

Panic attacks are back, as well as sense of great loneliness and sadness. Much work to be done...

Let it be a warning to anyone considering doing anything similar. As the psychologist said, my ex was a bad man, but there are many many more bad people out there so we have to be street wise.

Protect your hearts....