Better, stronger...

I'm physically healthier, I take better care of myself, I think more clearly and carefully, I'm much more selective about who I trust or let into my life, and I feel like I am my own whole person (thus, my username :) I'm not merged into anyone else. I totally understand your food poisoning analogy! I see anything that even remotely looks like the ex's behaviors and my entire being screams RUN!!

I feel the same way!! Good stuff. God bless, Goldie

Yup. Almost everyone I know has remarked that I seem so much stronger and happier than I've ever seen before. Well, except my mom. She just says, "Oh, there's the NinjaGirl I know." People seem to respect me a lot more than than they did when I was trying to please them.

that I have come to the point where I no longer will take crap from anyone. This has pushed me to look at my boundaries and what I will and will not accept in my life. This extends to my whole life and it feels good. It is the light side to the dark.

Thank you so much Girlfriday...this is what i love to hear! your truly inspirational. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

I love your thread!!!! I just said to my Mother last night that I am different. I am a different 'me' and I like the new me better than the old me, before 10 yrs of abuse with a narc. Wow. What the hell, and how did I survive? A lot of acting. A lot of defending, all pretending, on his part AND mine. I have to own that, that I pretended too, I pretended that everything was o.k. I tried to hide it all. Whatever. That was then, and I am SOOOOOO much smarter, brighter, stronger, and I can read people so much better now. I feel like I can smell negative energy from a mile away. I had 2 beautiful children with this idiot, and they are thriving and fabulous and happy, so I have little regret right now. I came out with those 2 precious gifts, AND a BETTER ME. Maybe it was all meant to be to get me to this point of strength and inner confidence. I did not have that before, that is precisely why I let a narc get control of me. NEVER AGAIN.

To continue on the food theme - the P/N in my life was a junk food junkie. So early on, I made the connection in my journal to "you are what you eat." To me, he's human junk food. And I refuse to live off of junk food. I agree too with the boundaries. Mine are far firmer now and I can spot manipulation and bullshit a mile away. That's a big step for me. Great post GirlFriday.

I am a different person today and I don't think I would be where I am if I had not hit rock bottom. Although it's still painful over 2 years later, I would go through it all over again to be where I am today. Couldn't agree more! Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. -Mary Oliver

hi..love the comparison of eating poisoning food to the N's..I had a 20 year marriage with an N who really had my kids and I in a slow boil..i think he really wanted to be normal, but after @ 18 years, his mask fell..and there were a few minor slips but i thought that was just marriage...anyway when the curtain fell down, he spiraled so quickly ..within a year, he had moved out, quit working, which he was a well known broker, so there were MANY lose ends, he drank around the clock, got into oxycotin, became delusional, screwed ANYTHING he could..ripped through our $$ that we had worked hard to build up...fortunately, I got a divorce in 30 days..he gave us everything, he knew he was out of control..he left and has not been seen by anyone for 16 months now..my daughter and I gave DNA to the FBI in case he shows up as a John Doe some day...my friends and the neighborgood were shocked..he was so charming and we looked like the family that had it all, but he had a BIG SECRET....really these guys self destruct..my next one I met 14 months ago..he sniffed out how vulnerable i was and i loved the attention..I met him while on vacation in costa rica..but although it took me @ a year, i recognized the pattern of how i was feeling the same excitement/ self worthlessness, like you said when eating a bad food and wanting to toss your cookies..so I got out quickly, have been NC for 11 weeks now, he had emailed and called only once..he knows what he is, and he knows i have experienced their final self destruction and i told him that I could not be around his personality, it's toxic and unhealthy..i was leaving to go work on myself..told him "you probably think I m full of shit, but it doesn't matter, because that is YOUR disorder" he laughed and said I don't think that..whatever, girlfriday, since i have been away from both of these N's..i will NEVER go back to one again...I spot them more easily, don't junp on the rollercoaster and feel alot clearer and stronger about making it on my own without anyone determining my value but me. I am turning 50 this year and see the second half of my life as being the best yet, because I have learned and grew..painfully..but like poisoned food, i remember the pain and will NOT take it in again! tica

Oh absolutely!!! I now have healthy boundaries in place for everything in my life. Also because of the knowledge this site has provided me with and the work I have done on myself I have a new found freedom and I'm getting back to my old self. Knowledge is everything and it has given me clarity and peace of mind. I'm now enjoying being on my own, dating myself and having fun with friends.