Better as a Memory

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#1 Oct 23 - 9PM
gettinmymindback
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Better as a Memory

As of late I have not been a big country music buff. My ex-n loved it and I did too but listening to it brought back too many memories after the discard. One song he quoted often never caught my attention until after the discard. The entire song reminds me of what an N would say if he were to be honest with his feelings, but I'll only post my absolute favorite verse:

By: Kenny Chesney

Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
You never know where they're gonna land
First you're spinning, then you're standing still
Left holding a losing hand
But one day you're gonna find someone
And right away you'll know it's true
That all of your seekin's done
It's just a part of the passing through
Right there in that moment
You'll finally understand
That I was better as a memory than as your man

My hope for anyone going through a discard right now is that you see that no matter what you do, the end result will always be the same. Nothing you did could've changed the outcome of your relationship with your N. It was never about you in the first place. It was about him. I also hope that the someone you find like the lyrics at the end of the song will be yourself.

I would not wish what I went through on my worse enemy. It has been over 18 months since his discard but there has not been a day that goes by that I have not been reminded of it. Some may think that is not good, but I hope a little piece of me always remains slightly broken so that I am always reminded of it. I am so much better now for the pain I went through. I had no passions before. Nothing that made me happy. Through this experience I found that I didn't really know myself or care enough about myself to figure out what happiness looked like for me.

Today I am passionate about so much. After being an avid hater of exercise and seriously not being able to run a full minute at the beginning of July without stopping, I ran a 5K last Sunday and placed 2nd for my age group. I ran 9 miles last week without stopping. I feel so accomplished! I always envied runners that could run long distances and decided that I would challenge myself. It's been such a great feeling. I've also become spiritually healthy. I've never been closer to God and found a wonderful church that supports me. For almost a year I have held a leadership position within my church. They actively sought me out. I have never felt so loved. Perhaps most importantly, my husband, whom I was separated with when I met my ex-N, is now living back at home (divorce papers shredded), our kids are thriving, and through counseling with my husband our relationship has never been better after over 12 years of marriage.

It will get better! I always hated when people would tell me that time heals all wounds, but it is true. The initial sting and pain of the discard will eventually fade away. You may never forget what happened but the devastating pain will be gone. I also had to get rid of unhealthy relationships in my life which through individual counseling I realized. For almost 1 1/2 years I have not spoken to my parents or only sibling. As sad as that has been for me and my family, it has also been the best thing for my family because so much underlying reasons for what I went through in my past was due to my FOO. I am at peace with this although some that know don't agree. They didn't have to walk in my shoes or experience what I did so I know the decision I made was the best for me and my family.

My prayer is that those who have recently been discarded by an N will no longer doubt if he/she is an N. Please do the work and study NPD. Reach out to others for help when you are weak. Don't let pride take control. Even the strong fall down sometimes. Don't be afraid to ask for a hand to lift you up. Please believe that it will get better, because it will!

Oct 24 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Keep the Buzz alive

Oct 24 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

A big huge Capital YES!

spinning