Being treating as an OBJECT-THINK ABOUT THIS??

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#1 Aug 20 - 3PM

onwithmylife

Being treating as an OBJECT-THINK ABOUT THIS??

Hi everyone, I am far out now to do some analyzing objectively and think about this, espically to all the women whose husbands or boyfriends have gone on to other women to date or marry them. See the way I view it, the Narc sees everyone in his distorted world as objects, , so when you throw away say the microwave because it doesn't work anymore, it is broken , you do not stop to think of the microwave, day in and day out, do you? you just get on with your life, this is the same analogy with the narc, you were an object to him, that no longer functions, as he would like you to, so into the trash or recycle bin, you go and on to buy a new microwave, ie. new woman, and so you are done, over and out,forgotten.It is so important to wrap your head with what ever strength you can muster and I am over 2 years out and not a newbie to grasp this concept, but once you do, the moment of enlightenment will dawn on you and you are on your way to healing. It is like when I tried to send some cards to my exnarc and heard nothing back because I am dead and broken to the man. End of story...........

#2 Aug 21 - 10AM

Amazed

They see you as an object, then don't see you

I love this analogy, and it is so right on. They move from one victim to the next with such speed, no pain, not a tear, not a thought. Well I exposed him, he was actually living with another woman, he had a double and probably triple life. They make up personas to meet each persons idea of them. They can be one type of person to one, a completely other type of person to another, they quickly change their persona, their aura, almost their entire demeanor an appearance.,,,they are hideous, evil, disgusting predators that is ALL they are. Well when I exposed him, no longer than a day goes by, and he is onto his next victim. We are just victims, I am healed, as I have no desire to reach out to him whatsoever because I realize what a true creep he is. It is best that he never returned your cards, you really, really do NOT need these problem people in your life. No good will ever come from it, and will only set you back. It is BEST that you stay away, FAR away from him!!! No Contact!! My only thought is that I NEVER EVER want to be a victim of a psychopath again, and am CONSTANTLY on guard. The mind f--k was so horrible, never ever again.

#3 Aug 21 - 6AM

agnesmurphy17

Object

My N started to threaten me with divorce on a monthly basis approx. 4 months after we married. Almost 2 years later, when he made that demand, I agree. And I meant it. It took me another 6 weeks to leave the house. One of the most horrible 6 weeks of my life. The man was so fragmented & disorganized. I was very afraid that he might snap. However, I will never forget one day in the kitchen. he was carrying on with his cycling between weeping, pleading, anger, rage & threats - in approx. 5 minutes (and this went on for hours). I turned to him & said: "You never saw me. You never have seen me as a person with thoughts & feelings. All you saw was money. Money to help you buy this house. This is what you married me for." His response: "How dare you? What does that say about me?" So even when one confronts them with the truth, they deny. And, once one realizes that one was merely an object to extract from -- one can move on. I left my N & never missed him for a second. Never once fell for a hoover attempt (& there were a few when he learned that the bank would not refinance to buy me out or when he learned that NW did not do laundry, cook, nor would give money for the house). However, I just never seem to be able to get over the trauma which I suffered in all the abuse. I can never get over how used I was. I can never get over that somehow in all of this, he's the victim. And so many people think he's just a great guy.

#4 Aug 24 - 8AM (Reply to #11)

fooled no longer

agnesmurphy17 this is for you

Im always so amazed how similar our stories are. Really down to the details of the marriage the imeadiate D and D. the house situation and how they look the good guy. mine did such pathologically awful things to me and walked away without one piece of shit on him. He feels he was the victim, throwing money (he never even gave me but spent on his kids( in my face every day. I also dont know if I will ever recover from the scar of this. he made me Question humanity itself. He lost me friends and family because I was so traumatized for years before I found answers. Im amazed I survived! Wish you were closer! hugs.

#5 Aug 20 - 7PM

Sunafterrain

onwith...

I've heard these analogies before, except with other objects like toasters, recliners, cd players, cars, etc, well, you already get the picture! I totally see what you're saying and you're right about that. I feel encouraged that two years out, you see this. I'm not there just yet, but getting there. I checked up on my ex's profile and he had TOTALLY morphed into someone else. Republican to Democrat, Nazarene to Catholic LOL, suddenly, he's donating to all of these charities too LOL!! He is a NEW man, for his new object. Kinda like a makeover. That doesn't usually last long though. When I saw the morphing, it was too obvious what he was. No more denial about that, now it's just dealing with the pain of the CONCEPT itself. That's hard.

#6 Aug 20 - 6PM

Sparrow

You are so very right. Mere

You are so very right. Mere objects is all. We are still the lucky ones. They discarded us, we have a second chance at life. They have to remain in this pathetic cycle for the rest of theirs. Screw them, they aren't worth the spit out of our mouths if they were dying of thirst! Did I just say that? LOL

#7 Aug 20 - 5PM

dabussard

I agree

This is one of the things that is keeping me NC. When I get to spinning, it is usually after the N has tried to contact me or I run into him physcially... When he gets into my head... I keep telling myself... He is not thinking about you, so why do you give him so much space in your head... You were/are just an opbject in his head... It was not about feeling for him, It was power and control and it was just business.. So, I try to tell myself this everytime I think of him... Sometimes it helps, sometimes not... Just depends on how bad I am spinning.. lol.. God, I hate these Jacknuts!!!

#8 Aug 21 - 6AM (Reply to #3)

agnesmurphy17

Thinking About You

Otto F. Kernberg is the psychiatrist who set out the theory of the malignant narcissist. This is excactly what he described. Out of sight = out of mind. The N thinks of others as if they were genies in bottles. When he wants or needs something from them -- out of the bottle. But, then he walks away & never gives the genie a thought until the next time. Hence, "hoovering." How he can come on so strong & then disappear again. And, he goes on to say that when the N is finished using a person, he tosses that person into the rubbish heap like a squeezed lemon pulp from which all the juice is extracted. So, all the time thinking about the N -- recovering from the N -- and he never even gives you a thought. You're about as useful to him as a discarded lemon peel.

#9 Aug 23 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

Totally Stunned

Exactly

You wrote.... Out of sight = out of mind. The N thinks of others as if they were genies in bottles. When he wants or needs something from them -- out of the bottle. But, then he walks away & never gives the genie a thought until the next time That is what I just went through - and hopefully for the last time. He came on strong after I gave him second chance - used me and my unselfish goodness to be with him, love him, understand him, listen to him, let him cry on my shoulder and become intimate with....then he left. Left, walked away and never heard from him again. NO MATTER how many times I read - I cannot understand that. But..every bit I read helps. Thanks

#10 Aug 23 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

onwithmylife

totally Stunned

the reason why it is so hard for normal people to understand is because we have EMPATHY, they have none.............

#11 Aug 22 - 10PM (Reply to #5)

Susan32

I left HIM with a bitter taste in HIS mouth...

If the ex-Psych prof saw me as a lemon, I left him with an incredibly corrosive taste. Think of accidentally downing rubbing alcohol that destroys your innards because it happens to look WATER, and so da*n innocuous. I think it explains why I've treated the ex-P in an incredibly cavalier way after the final D&D. I NEVER refer to my former professors' fathers as "Daddy"... except with the ex-P. I NEVER compare ANY of my former teachers with my tantrum-throwing nephew (who will turn 2 in October, so he's acting age appropriate)... except the ex-P, because my brother in-law and the ex-P's father share the same first name, same Harvard education. Once I realized the ex-P treated me like an object, I saw him as my new toy. I view him the same way my nephew views his toy truck. You throw it over things, bash it on objects. I view HIS feelings that way... and the lack of sex in the relationship gives me that FREEDOM, FREEDOM!!!

#12 Aug 21 - 8AM (Reply to #4)

onwithmylife

Agnes Murphy

So so true, they are INhuman, any normal man after a 15 year relationship, like mine had with me,when I sent to him several cards and postcards, over the last 6 months, all nice ones, would have the common decency to mail me back a card, letter, saying all the best to you, good luck, hope all goes well, anything to wrap it all up, but NOT the narcs, in their diseased mind, you are a lemon peel to discard in the trash and never give a second thought about, that is the repulsive thing we have to get though our minds and hearts to recover..........Mine was after my money to buy a house also, but the universe saved me on that one.

#13 Aug 20 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

Redhead1

I am thankful that I can

I am thankful that I can recognize these idiots and their games now. The time I have spent with you ladies and gents is priceless. I will never allow someone to use me as an object again.

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