Being Sad

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#1 Oct 31 - 8AM
Sparrow
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Being Sad

Being sad, does not mean you are failing. Being sad, reminds us of how very human we are. We are hardest on ourselves, and when we are sad, it makes us feel like we aren't making it to our goal successfully.

We are making it there though, and sadness is just another emotion that we encounter along the way. We can't always be happy in our journey. We need to feel all of it, the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. It keeps us in tune with who we are.

Not feeling sadness, is shutting yourself off and living in denial. Allow yourself these feelings from time to time, and know that they will pass. Be true to yourself, and to your emotions.

When you are feeling sad, know that it won't last for long and concentrate on turning your frown upside down, but don't beat yourself up over it.........

Today is a new day.

Nov 2 - 8AM
Sparrow
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Narcjunkie, I am so sorry for

Narcjunkie, I am so sorry for your pain, but so happy to hear that you are coming to terms with it. Mourning, grieving is such an important part of the process. I wish you and everyone here the best of luck with your healing. It takes time, but you do eventually get there. Godspeed........
Nov 2 - 7AM
NarcJunkie
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Being sad is being open

I cried so hard and so long and so often during these past months, at home, in the office, on the bus, that at some point I just stopped fighting the tears, because I got so used to them. And I think that's when things started to open up inside of me. The crying became less painful and obsessive and more soft and open... like a gentle mourning, a letting go. I am so much better these days... and whenever a little memory comes up and makes me cry, I honor that. My heart is taking its time to heal, but it is open and full of love again, and even more so than it was before the Narc, because I am more loving and accepting of myself now.
Oct 31 - 10PM
Sparrow
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I agree! I love everything

I agree! I love everything Auntie Alex writes!
Oct 31 - 6PM
empath
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not a prince, not even a frog...he's a toad and will always be

The best and worst part of the healing process is when you let go of the illusion that the N is a frog prince, or a diamond in the rough, or whatever....he is none of these things. That illusion keeps you stuck in wondering what YOU could've should've would've done "better", that illusion makes you feel like you are somehow in control if only you could kiss the frog prince the right way...yet you can't. They are not frog princes, they are toads. There is a book called "Toads and the Women Who Love Them" by Alexandra Nouri. After Lisa's books, I'd say this one was the most empowering thing I've read regarding recovery from a relationship with a N.
Oct 31 - 2PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Thank you Sparrow

A good reminder that emotions are emotions no matter from where they stem. Sadness, anger and joy are all emotions that all of us will go through on our journey to recovery and like you, I feel each emotion has it's place within that journey. We have to feel what each emotion means because being with the ex P/N has eroded those feelings or at the very least buried them. Getting back to US is what recovery is all about and especially not beating ourselves up for feeling those emotions is the first step. We have to feel everything before we can move forward no matter how painful. No pain, no gain kinda thing. Thank you again for the reminder. Dee x
Oct 31 - 10AM
alicat
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Thanks Sparrow. I needed this

Thanks Sparrow. I needed this post today! For some reason I am still missing him and feeling a little down. I realize that this is still the process I am going through. I am just so thankful that I am not crying everyday and not living. I have come a long way in this short time, but I still feel sad at times. Thanks for the encouragement.
Oct 31 - 10AM
TNR1
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Thank you Sparrow. Today it

Thank you Sparrow. Today it has hit me really hard. I feel the loss of so much hope..he was going to fix everything, he was going to love me forever, I was finally going to feel that someone truly loved/saw me for who I am. Even with the stupid games that mirrored so much the way my mom treated me...the crumbs, the carrots, the punishments...I still believed it could be done. To have that ripped away again...it leaves a giant hole in my heart. Gosh I wanted to believe in the fairy tale...that there was such a thing as a prince who would wisk me away from all my doubt and childhood pain and love me unconditionally. It is hard not to get sucked into the notion that someone else must be getting what I wanted from him. Someone else is going to get that prince that I lost. That is what it feels like today...like I lost the prince. I know this too shall pass and tomorrow I'll be ok..but for today it is just sadness.
Oct 31 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
Sparrow
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You will have bad days.

You will have bad days. That's to be expected. The fairy tale........that, we have to let go of, it doesn't exist. But, you will find the reality is an even better deal. It is so easy for us to fall in love with the "fairytale" because we want it so badly. You will find, through this journey, you don't need a prince charming to make it better, you can make it better all by yourself. You will find a partner, who is suitable for you, and honestly deserves you. But only after you have healed. You will see.............
Oct 31 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
darling.girl
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the lost fairy tale

The lost fairy tale of rescue and living happily ever after is my sadness, too. No matter how unrealistic and too good to be true the narc was, I bought into the fantasy. How good it was until it wasn't. Back to square one and reality. Only I can create my happiness and rescue me. Simple. Hard. Truth. Ouch. Sad. But I hope I will get to a better and truer place for myself. But, oh, those sad days when I get tricked by the enchantment of what was never real. Those days are hard.
Oct 31 - 8AM
Used
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sparrow

wonderful post as always, insightful, loving, positive, and lovely...thankyouxxx
Oct 31 - 8AM
Freedom101
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not being sad..

I'm not sad anymore. I seem to have hit a new stage. The stage where I'm not angry anymore, not sad anymore and think he's just an idiot loser and I'm starting to wonder what they heck I saw in him. It's been just over six months. What a difference six months makes. I read stories from others now and see myself in them and wonder, wtf are you doing with these idiots, yet I was with one of them at one point. If only I could show people how much you'd feel better if you just allow yourself to get through those first few months of pain and obsession. I look back and realize that my being with him was more about me than him. He's messed up and for me to be with a messed up person makes me messed up. I saw Ted Danson on a tv show. Forget the name of the show, think it's on HBO. Anyway, his character said something like this, "any woman who dates me longer than two weeks has something wrong with her." That pretty much describes anyone who dates the N I met including me. I'm so glad I'm not in his life anymore and have no desire to break no contact and invite the selfish, idiot back in. My life is way better without all the confusion, stress, anxiety, waiting, wondering, pining, sucking up, overly thoughtful & loving, subservient...ugh, makes me sick to think how I acted. Not sure how I became that person, but don't plan on going back there.
Oct 31 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
empath
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freedom101

Thanks for your words...it DOES get better and it is all about us, not the N. :-)